Should I confront my crush?

[bottomfellout]

Please be gentle and just to make it clear I have absolutely no intention of doing anything at all with this man and certain he wouldn’t either.

I have a crush. It’s ridiculous, I’m a grown woman with a husband and a family and this man is married to a good (although fairly new) friend of mine.

Our dc’s are best friends. We moved to the area last year and I quickly became friends with this child’s mum. She’s lovely, we have lots in common which is rare as I’m pretty weird and it’s really nice to have a good friend in a new area.

Her dh is hot. Really, really hot. To the point where from the first time I met him I realised quite how attracted I was to him and have made a huge effort to not be in his company. We recently went camping together as families and he’s so awesome. Which I keep telling myself he’s not, he probably leaves skid marks in the loo and doesn’t clean up after himself and picks his feet and any number of annoying things that my dh also does.

But I get so flustered around him. It’s been about 10 months now and shows no sign of dying down. We’re doing more and more stuff together as families and it’s just increasingly awkward to try and not be alone with him.

Should I tell him/ my friend that I have a stupid crush and that I’m sorry and it’s stupidly embarrassing (and I’m one million percent sure that it isn’t reciprocated anyway) but I feel like it’s driving me mad. But that would be mortifying wouldn’t it? And my friend would think I’m a tool and it would make things awkward anyway.

I’m hoping just writing it down on here might alleviate it slightly! Any other advice to stop me acting like a simpering mess every time I come into contact with this completely normal man?

Noooooo. Do not, under any circumstances, tell either of them. If you tell him, itll be like you want him to say he fancies you too, and if you tell her, she’ll think you’re an absolute weirdo for telling her and you’ll lose the friendship.
I don’t have any great advice bar just riding it out (not literally 😂 ) sorry!

Swerve that idea rapidly.

Thank you alloftit. The thought of telling either of them is normally enough to make my blood run cold, but a few days camping and I’m going nuts.

No no no. Don’t tell anyone. You’re the newbie and you might lose your social circle and it may impact DC.

You need to keep your distance til it passes. Meanwhile, work on your relationship (happily married women fancy other people of course, but not this obsessively - there’s obviously something amiss).

I notice you don't mention telling your husband, or how the idea of telling him makes your blood run cold? Just them. How do you feel about him?

God no, what would it possibly achieve, except breaking your friendship and making you a social pariah once the rest of the school hears about it (which they most definitely will)?

Are you secretly hoping that he'd hear and come to you? That you'd have a threesome?

You are right that shed think you were a tool, and you and your dcs would lose the friendship. Maybe dial down family events for a bit.

Can you explain what you want to have happen after you tell them?

What are you hoping the outcome would be of telling her/him/them?

Yep, I agree. Say nothing and work on your relationship with your DH. It will pass! I had a crush on someone supremely unsuitable. It passed eventually but it's a lot easier now I don't see him. I nearly confessed to him but am SO glad I didn't!

readit dh and I are pretty much separated. He works away 5 days a week and we have spoken about him seeing someone else. We still work as a family at weekends and I haven’t met anyone else and I’m not looking to either. If/ when I do meet someone then we’ll have to start doing things differently but for now this works for us.

No, definitely don't tell your friend. A 'crush' is a pretty intense set of feelings and I wouldn't be happy to hang out with someone who had one on my husband, let alone go on family outings with her anymore.

That being said, if it were me with the crush and I genuinely didn't want to pursue anything - then I think I would have to end the friendship. At least the families hanging out together aspect of it. Perhaps grabbing a coffee occasionally with her would still be ok.

Or go the opposite route and ask if she and partner have ever considered swinging xD either you might get lucky or the friendship will end without you having to be the one to end it hahaha

Oh god, no I don’t want a threesome! I don’t want to tell them at all. I just don’t know how to stop getting giddy around this stupid, handsome man.

Although maybe we could swap husbands and all live happily ever after.

Good god. You only want to tell him to see if he's interested and you can plant the seed. Don't do it. They will end the friendship with you immediately. And tell anyone you jointly know. You'll be a social pariah.

Get yourself on some dating sites and get a grip and stop lusting after your friends husband and coming up with stupid plans to get him. Ffs.

My friend once told me she fancied my boyfriend and it was just very odd. Don't do it.

Do your friends know your marital set up?

If you're as giddy and awkward as you claim, I suspect they already suspect.

I specifically said I don’t want anything to happen between us bluntness . I don’t want to plant any seeds and I’m really, really not coming up with plans to try and ‘get’ him. If I wanted to do that I would, I’m asking for ways to get over a crush. But helpful as always, thanks.

No, friend isn’t aware of marital set up. I find the whole thing a bit embarrassing tbh and don’t really talk about it. Dh and I get along just fine most of the time so not really an issue.

Well telling him you fancy him isn't any normal way of trying to get over it. It is normally the way to try to get into someone's pants...

Do you think that maybe there’s any merit in the idea that you feel so strongly about him because you wish your DH was more like him? In which case, it isn’t very much about the ‘OM’ at all and is, in fact, to do with how you feel about your own marriage. I can’t imagine being ‘pretty much separated’ but still maintaining a public show of marriage can be sustainable can it?

Definite no. You'll simply lose the friendship...

Ok I'll ask again, can you explain what you hope might happen if you reveal your feelings?

rvby I’m hoping the ground would swallow me up and I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

alloftit I absolutely wish dh was more like him. Or I suppose more to the point dh was more like him and now he isn’t. And no it’s completely unsustainable but for now I’m holding it together and pretending my marriage is completely fine while dh is living with another woman 5 days a week.

No. Don’t be such a complete wally. Stiff upper lip. Cold showers. Avoid the demigod and the feelings will pass.

You'll lose your friend and her dh will probably avoid you. Don't even think about it

And you need to end your marriage