Am I right be annoyed and upset

[Ribbon86]

Hey , struggling to cope today . Had a massive argument with dh yesterday , it was his birthday I booked a hotel overnight stay for Friday bought him some nice presents we arranged to have the dc looked after Friday/Saturday . Came home Saturday suggested he goes out for a few beers with his mates he said no he wanted to stay in we could watch a film takeaway etc , so we go and I buy some snacks /alcohol for our night in . We get home he wants to go to the gym so I go do some gardening as it was still early in the day , he comes home and says I’m just going to go to the pub now ..... I feel so stupid for letting him treat me like this , I explained it upset me to be pushed aside considering we very rarely have no kids to look after and yet he feels it’s ok to have made plans with me now changing them and I’ve to sit home alone . Am I right to be annoyed ?? He sniggered at me when I got upset and does what he always does and says I’m moaning about him going out which is clearly not the case . So he left anyway at 5pm yesterday and I’ve had no contact or seen him since . Just needed to vent on here

You still haven't heard from him since yesterday 5pm? Aren't you concerned he may have come to harm? Or does he regularly go missing for 24 hours?

Yep, you are right to be annoyed.

No this is the “norm” he thinks he can come an go as he pleases my friend saw his car at his mums so I’m assuming he’s there . I just can’t cope with it all I’m struggling to get my head around it all I felt like nothing . Thank you for confirming I’m not over exaggerating

I think the original thing you were annoyed about is a bit daft. You did tell him to go originally.

I assume you would have been home alone, if he had said yes at that time?

However, fucking off for over an entire day is not on.

I assume the kids are his? How is that ok?

@Proteinshakesandtears I’m annoyed because I suggested several times for him to go out with his mates and he said no for me then to spend money on a night in than didn’t happen , if he said yes at the time to going I wouldn’t have bothered it’s the effort I made and was looking forward to it to then be let down . Yeah dc are his . I just wish I was a heartless bitch and didn’t jet things get to me , I’ve not slept or ate since yesterday

YANBU. You asked if he was going out, he said no and he suggested staying in. It was unfair of him to change the plan without at least consulting you first. You could have arranged your own evening out if he'd originally said he was going out. I'd be annoyed. As for him not coming home and that being the norm, I'd be really annoyed. Head out this evening if you can and leave him to sort the kids, assuming he bothers to come home.

YANBU. He changed plans at the last minute as if an agreement between you was nothing and he’s now behaving like a nasty teenager, staying out to spite you, making you parent on your own without any regard to you or your feelings.

@Drum2018 thank you for your reply
He makes no effort with dc I very rarely go out because he can’t as much as feed them a proper meal , I doubt he’ll be home , he’s took a day off tomorrow because he needs “me time “ he works full time but still manages to go the gym okay his computer games etc , I work full time and do all the dc stuff /house etc I’m just so fed up . Am I right to not contact him , I feel he is in the wrong and I shouldn’t need to contact him ? I just don’t know where to go with it , he sees no problem with what he done

This cannot be sustainable for you. Would you consider separating?

I'm aghast that a married father regularly just disappears for days.

It’s an easy life for him , he goes and stays at his mums lazing about while I’m here upset , the majority of the time I need to contact him to arrange childcare , I think he loves the fact I “ need him” but this time I’m planning on telling him to stay away if he does contact me , I need to get my head straight

It sounds like he only wanted to go out when it would upset you. When you were fine he wanted to stay in. Basically doing everything opposite to what you say, that and staying out in a sulk makes him sound an arsehole.
Is this wind up behaviour normal? If so I'd be re thinking my relationship.

I can see that point.

I think, for me I would be just happy that dp was out for the night. But that's not you. I get it.

He is a grade A twat for what he does, leaving and not coming back.

I would text him and just tell him when his time with the kids is. Give him access to the kids but when it suits you.

I wouldnt have him back if this is a regular thing.

I can’t have a normal conversation with him he can’t talk he need to shout ( blames me because I take shit apparently ) it doesn’t phase him that I get upset , I’ve told him how unhappy I am and he says I’m the one with the problem not him , I just don’t know what to do

Yanbu
Poor you, I'd be heartbroken too. The night out is not a great big deal as an isolated incident, although you wouldn't be unreasonable to be upset. However, combined with everything else I think you should start to make a plan for your future. That's not love

@bitchfromhell your so right I just can’t seem to go through with properly ending it , for some stupid reason I keep thinking he’ll change .... but deep down I know he won’t

Changing his mind and going out, that wouldn't be a big deal to me. But everything you've said after that is utterly shit and I wouldn't be having him back in the house. He is literally worse than useless. He's selfish and arrogant into the bargain.

I think I’m more annoyed and upset that I’ve let all this happen ... this is my life and I don’t feel strong enough to do anything about it , if it wasn’t for dc I would have left a long time ago

What on earth does his mum have to say about it all?? He sounds like a crap husband and a crap father, to be frank.

I don’t have a great relationship with mil but I’d imagine he’ll tell her I missed about him going out , she’s just as arrogant and selfish as he is , dc don’t even call her gran

I hope this is the threshold incident which prompts you to leave this nasty man.

but this time I’m planning on telling him to stay away if he does contact me , I need to get my head straight

You are 100% correct to do this. The way he is treating you is just dreadful. He has no respect for you.

Leave. He's a bastard and you deserve more.

He off work tomorrow so won’t need anything g but I’d imagine he’ll need to get some things for Tuesday , I would rather he stayed away until he can realise what he’s done ( which could be forever ) he kicked the door in before because I wouldn’t let him in so I don’t want that happening but I don’t want to see him ... I also got the blame for him doing that , it was my fault because I locked him out

Mindfuckery all designed to upset you because the manchild likes having the power. Nasty arsehole. I hope you find the strength to leave.

Wow op this is just getting worse and worse. Don't let him back. Don't contact him. If he threatens or tries to break the door in call the police!

My DP is absolutely fantastic yet if he thought it's ok to bugger off out at 5pm on Saturday and there was no contact and he wasn't back the NEXT evening I'd go absolutely apeshit.

He has DC's and responsibilities and if he thinks he's king of the castle and can do whatever the fuck he wants when he wants tell him he absolutely can.... when he moves the fuck out!