Oh ffs, I can’t believe I’m being this person.

[MustardScreams]

I have a very close friend that I’ve known for 8 years. He’s been there through quite literally everything - when dd’s dad left me at 38 weeks pregnant, when dd didn’t sleep for a year, my brutal PND, all my highs and lows.

He’s been single the whole time, and we’ve slept together on and off during this time under the guise of ‘best friends!!!!!’ It’s always been a question mark, but both of us have been too worried about ruining our friendship to move forward. Mainly coming from me more than anything.

And now he’s met someone and it’s serious. And I suddenly feel like I’ve had a massive breakup and I want to tell him to ditch her. How utterly, ridiculously selfish is that?! He’s so, so happy and I can’t find it in myself to be happy for him because I’m worried about losing my lifeline.

I just needed to get that off my chest instead of telling him and being a completely shite friend. Feel free to judge! I think I need some harsh words to snap me out of this.

Are you in love with him or is it that you want him to be available for you when you have use for him? I’m not quite clear on that.

In love with him. But of course it’s taken for him to be happy with someone else for me to realise. It’s just so fucking cliche.

How long has his "new" relationship been going on ?
Sounds like you love him.

Can you tell him?

Are you worried you have missed your chance or honestly just gutted that he is no longer there as your go to?

If you didn’t realise before he got together with someone else I doubt very much that it is love.

You’ve been friends and sleeping together for 8 years. If it was love you would have naturally transitioned into a relationship.

I suggest you tell him .
There is a chance he has looked elsewhere because he thought you were not interested.
It would be such a shame if an opportunity was lost for both of you due to unspoken words and feelings.

If it turns out not to bad the case and he is happy you will have to let him go ... with regret obviously..

Anyway good luck and take care x
It’s a very emotional situation... I feel for you x

Honestly 🙄 * be the case ...

I absolutely could tell him. I don’t want to because I don’t want to be that person that only says something when he’s found someone else.

@happybunny007 I totally agree, but I think I’ve always been in love with him. Just the fear of fucking up our really lovely friendship held me back. I kind of thought he’d always be there and we’d work it out somehow? We’ve both dated other people but nothing serious. It’s never been a thing before.

Sounds very much 'My Best Friends Wedding' with Julia Roberts. If you haven't seen it, it's on Netflix but spoiler, she tells him and it's messy.

I don’t think you should tell him if you see he’s happy. That certainly would ruin your friendship.

If he breaks up with her, then you can tell him.

I’m a believer in what is meant to be happens. If you’re meant to be together, your opportunity will arise in the future.

I wouldn’t tell him. It obviously wasn’t meant to be

You want him now, because you can't get him.
Please don't ruin his new relationship or your friendship.

And it’s been going on for 8 years but you’ve only realised you love him now he’s met someone else

Well we’ve been friends for 8 years, we haven’t been sleeping together that long, only in the past couple of years. And very sporadically. Drip feed central, sorry.

I absolutely get what you’re all saying though. It’s hideous of me. I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ve lost him and it’s bloody awful.

Tell him. If you're such good friends you'll get through it.

Much better to regret something you've done, than something you've not done (even if it doesn't work out the way you want, at least you don't spend your life wondering 'what if?')

Good luck!

Well I think you probably have lost him. You say it is serious with this woman. In all likelihood he isn’t going to carry on being a friend to you in the same way. It sounds like even though he was single he was giving you the status of a girlfriend and making you his priority. But she will be his priority now. And she is not likely to be keen on him
Being so close to a woman he has been sleeping with. So if you truly think you love him you should tell him. It may go tits up and you lose him, but things have changed anyway so you stand to gain more from
Telling him than keeping quiet.

I really feel for you @MustardScreams , I know you do not want to be that woman , so you will just have to keep quiet.
Argh !

No “harsh words” from me - you’ve come on here for help.

You’re sincere and you’ve seemingly thought it through but I’m still unconvinced that you’re truly in love tbh. I think you need to be very sure before you do something that results in his finishing with an amazing woman. Can you really see yourself with him day-to-day and are you genuinely sexually attracted to him? Or are you (naturally) frightened of losing your rock?

The thing is if I told him it wouldn’t ruin our friendship. He’d listen to what I had to say and we’d work out what to do.

But I don’t want to put him that position. He’s happy. I don’t want to fuck that up for him because of my selfishness.

How do you turn off feelings?!

No harsh words but sadly I think your friendship is already over

You either tell him how you feel and hope he secretly feels the same. If not, for your own sake you can’t continue being ‘best friends’ when you’re in love with him. It won’t work and you’ll just hurt yourself.

It really could ruin your friendship.
Because he could go back and confide in his serious partner and she could then request he limit your relationship. Which really she would be right to do.
He would then have to decide who meant more to him.

@Contraceptionismyfriend you’re right. I forget he has someone else now that he has to consider, so my feelings are rightfully not as important.

Well now I have no bloody idea

You have to keep quiet.