Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If someone messaged to say your DH was cheating

114 replies

GummyGoddess · 22/06/2019 07:19

What questions would you ask for 'proof'?

Was going to nc but I cannot be arsed.

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2019 · 24/06/2019 20:07

Well that took an interesting turn Hmm

BumbleBeee69 · 24/06/2019 20:07

DH has done something completely dumb, but the person messaging me is quite ill with mental health issues (which DH has proved. He had her paperwork in his car). She has spent a lot of time messaging him threatening to tell me xyz and unaware he was showing me the messages

Wow.... just WOW .. if you're going to the Police they will also ask exactly what paperwork he has in his car proving her mental health illness ?! Shock

Proteinshakesandtears · 24/06/2019 20:09

So how did he get involved with her

He obviously wasnt showing you the messages as they have come through.

You dint message someones hwife saying you are sleeping with them. Then threaten it.

He must have shown you after you spoke to him. So when you say 'she didnt know he was showing me'

At some point he wasnt showing you.

You dont have to answer any of this obviously. But showing you letters from the mental health team means nothing. Especially if you havent seen the content.

Doesnt make sense at all op. I hope you faith in him is well placed.

PestyMachtubernahme · 24/06/2019 20:16

There seems to be a heck of a data breach somewhere in this.

Justbreathing · 24/06/2019 20:24

How do you know what a typical OW messages sound like

bobstersmum · 24/06/2019 20:27

If he's a nurse or doctor he will be sacked for having any identifying paperwork in his car as its not secure.

ThatCurlyGirl · 24/06/2019 20:31

No, I have not seen letter content. I can see that are letters from the mental health team

What the fuck? Is he a mental health professional working her? Why does he have someone else's medical correspondence in his car??

StinkyWizleteets · 24/06/2019 20:33

I’m confused - woman messages with certain claims you want proof of from her and yet you’re already aware she’s been harassing /stalking your partner because you’ve clearly discussed the issue and her being mentally unwell with him? Some trust issues in your relationship OP.

What is different about this message to you given she’s been sending messages to him that he’s been showing you? Why would you believe her now if she’d been making these threats before but to him not you?

Could it be that your OH has breached some serious professional line and slept with this woman and his showing you messages to date has been an attempt to discredit her when she followed thro on a threat to contact you?
There are too many variables in your story/dripfeed that don’t make sense

BumbleBeee69 · 24/06/2019 20:35

Could it be that your OH has breached some serious professional line and slept with this woman and his showing you messages to date has been an attempt to discredit her when she followed thro on a threat to contact you?

I think you've hit the nail on the head right there.. Flowers

C0untDucku1a · 24/06/2019 20:40

Think this will land your dh in trouble cheating or not

Tiredemma · 24/06/2019 20:46

If he is a healthcare professional and slept with this woman then "dumb" is not the word I would use to describe him.

forumdonkey · 24/06/2019 20:52

This doesn't make sense. You say he's done something completely dumb what? Fatal attraction type dumb, like innocently signing himself up on a dating website and got involved with 'a crazy lady'?

PreseaCombatir · 24/06/2019 20:59

So what is the ‘completely dumb’ thing he has done? Hmm

Ginger1982 · 24/06/2019 21:09

Sounds like a doctor shagging his mentally unstable patient!

PreseaCombatir · 24/06/2019 21:11

I feel sorry for her, he’s obviously acting in some sort of capacity for her, otherwise why has he got her medical records? He clearly doesn’t have her best interests at heart, otherwise her wouldn’t be saying to you, ‘I’ve got her records which show how mental she is’...

ConfCall · 24/06/2019 21:13

This sounds much more serious than a bog standard affair tbh.

Get your own legal and financial adVice OP. Don’t get dragged down with your DCs if things go badly wrong.

Justbreathing · 24/06/2019 21:16

HE HAS HER MEDICAL RECORDS
That’s just fucking batshit crazy

Whatisthisfuckery · 24/06/2019 21:33

Letters from the MH team prove nothing. Most of mind just say something like

Saw x in clinic today.x attended with her partner/on her own. X reports feeling ok but has had occasional sleep problems. X says she is doing well on her medication and has attended routine blood tests.

That’s about it for 99% of them. They tend not to write the juicy stuff in detail anyway.

What is this feature associated with a mental illness? Could it be your DH telling you she’s making it up because she’s delusional at all?

Ok here’s what I think. Your DH works in MH. Somebody, a patient has contacted you saying he’s been shagging her. He’s telling you she’s nuts.

If that is the case then I strongly suggest you, or he, reports it to his boss. Either there’s a psychiatric patient making up stories about the staff, which could cause someone real trouble, or your DH has been shagging patients, which is not only as unprofessional as it gets, but it’s morally deplorable. That’s not even addressing the fact that he had identifiable medical information in his car.

Of course I could be miles off the money, but that’s what I’d put mine on. If I am right then it needs dealing with in the proper way. Psychiatric patients are incredibly vulnerable, and they’re so easy to discredit that they’re hardly ever believed. Personally I couldn’t sleep at night if I thought I was complicit in their abuse, not even if it was just a tiny doubt.

Whatisthisfuckery · 24/06/2019 21:41

Oh, and every MH professional I’ve been in contact with, and that’s a lot, has all their notes on an ipad or computer. Absolutely nobody has had paper notes, not even on the ward. So unless they’ve been specially printed out, or for some reason your DH has got hold of mail that was sent to her by post, there’s no way he’d have it in the course of his job.

Whatever story he’s spun you, he’s bullshitting. Don’t be a bloody mug.

Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 24/06/2019 21:44

This is now sounding very odd.....Hmm

PestyMachtubernahme · 24/06/2019 21:48

@GummyGoddess are you OK?

This story is getting a bit weird.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 24/06/2019 21:53

Crikey. It all sounds complicated re the mental health letters.

RLOU30 · 24/06/2019 21:57

It's almost like Ive got two threads mixed up.

magoria · 24/06/2019 21:58

So she managed to guess where and what this distinguishing mark was, found a picture of your DC not available anywhere, knew what dates to give you which tie with things and also knows about someone else he has cheated with..

She may have a MH problem. That doesn't mean he hasn't shagged her. Just seems to be convenient excuse for him.

Happinessbegins · 24/06/2019 22:25

So does the average doctor/ therapist/psychiatrist/counsellor carry patients’ medical records around in their car?

Swipe left for the next trending thread