If someone messaged to say your DH was cheating

[GummyGoddess]

What questions would you ask for 'proof'?

Was going to nc but I cannot be arsed.

@Jools7711
OMG
So even we conclusive evidence she didn't believe you ?
I think I'd rather know.

It sounds quite believable. She's not trying to stay anonymous, he has form, the dates match up, she knows about his mark.

@GummyGoddess - doesn't sound f
Good to be honest, talk to him

She used her real name!?

I'd be inclined to believe it too.
When she talks of 'his profile' I assume that is on a dating website, so he is on a dating site pretending to be single? Have I understood that right.

@Jools7711 when people react like that, that's shock and pain and panic. It doesn't mean that she did nothing, in time. You still did the right thing and it is highly likely that although not immediately, the wife saw that when she'd processed it.

A similar thing happened to me years ago when a friend's fiance came on to me, not just came on to me but worse, it was done in a very threatening and abusive way like he said I was ''fuckable'' but that was all. I was not just repulsed but horrified, angry on my behalf, her behalf, scared (won't go in to the threats he'd made, people he knew and weird stuff). I told her as much as I could bear to and she cut me off. BUT I heard that the wedding was off a while later. I lost a friend but spared her a life of abuse.

I think it's genuine. Unless she 'knows' you and hates you or something i can't see why she'd take time out to message you - and not anonymously either.
She's mentioned another woman he's slept with, so either she's doing it to get revenge on him or genuinely feels you should know for your own benefit.

There was a thread on here not long back where the general MN consensus was that the cheated on woman had a right to know, the poster was a good friend of the woman and had found out her dp was cheating.
she knew she was risking their friendship by telling her, i think she did tell her in the end.

Regardless, i'd make an appointment at your nearest sexual health clinic and get checked out.
Have it out with him and demand to see his phone/email etc.
He's definitely guilty of something

DH has done something completely dumb, but the person messaging me is quite ill with mental health issues (which DH has proved. He had her paperwork in his car). She has spent a lot of time messaging him threatening to tell me xyz and unaware he was showing me the messages.

What kind of paperwork does someone have to show they are mentally ill, and why does he have it in his car? Accusing her of being some kind of nutter seems like an easy way to discredit her.

Did he show you the messages she sent before she messaged you?

What would her motivation for lying to you?

Well she's given uou proof. What more proof do you actually need?

Why does he have her Paper work In his car. And it doesn't matter if she's ill, he's still shagged her. And someone else.

Pretending he didn't so you can carry on as normal is however an option. Plenty have played that game.

Even if that is the case with her mental health , how would she know about his distinguishing mark? Have Pictures of your children ? That doesn't make sense .
Why does he have a file on her ?
IMO this sounds like him deflecting on the hope you believe his story .

I'm confused. How did this come as a shock to you if he had already been showing you the messages?

What is the “completely dumb” thing he has done?

Que?

What was the dumb thing he did?

And why does he have paperwork about someone's mental health in his car?! I can't think of any situation in which that would be ok...

He's shown you confidential medical documents on another woman?

Posted too soon.

What is the “completely dumb” thing he has done?

I wouldn’t collude with him to minimize his behavior and demonize her because she may have mental health issues. After all, she does know about his body.

unaware he was showing me the messages.

So, he has been showing you messages all along? But messaged you from her own genuine Facebook?

Surely you knew then?

And why does he have her paperwork and why does he think its ok to share it with you?

And why did he tell her he previously had an affair that you know about. Or is she claiming there is a second OW, on the scene now?

What paperwork does he have to show that she’s mentally ill? I have a psychiatric illness and have been in and out of hospital at times but I have no paperwork aside from clinic letters, and all that proves is a diagnosis. I’m sane as anyone 99% of the time. Why would he have her confidential medical correspondence anyway? Let me guess, she planted it there so you’d find it.

He’s spinning you a yarn OP. Men can stick their dicks in mentally ill women as well as mentally well ones you know, and it’s oh so convenient an excuse isn’t it?

You’re being taken for a mug.

Why would he have a random woman’s medical health records in his car?

Is he a professional working with her?

I think OP wants to believe him than confront the fact he is a cheating, scummy bastard. Who the fuck carries confidential documents of someone else's mental health condition. It is a total data breach for starters. Then you have to question how he obtained the document in the first place. Come on OP, I can smell the bull shit from here.

Still thinking what these papers might be. I’ve been diagnosed, been under the AMHT for several years, been sectioned twice, informally hospitalised 3 times, and I’ve only ever had clinic letters from CPAs, medication reviews and discharge letters. I would be concerned if he had any of those things in his possession, let alone other medical records and documents.

OP your DH doesn’t work in a hospital or a psychiatric unit does he? If he does then he’s guilty of some serious data protection violations. If he doesn’t then he’s got them from somewhere, presumably her, and probably because he’s screwing her on the side. If someone left documents like that in my car I’d make sure I returned them asap, wouldn’t you?

So he’s done something he shouldn’t have (cheat?) Dont defend him now because she is supposedly ill.

Okay then!

No, I have not seen letter content. I can see that are letters from the mental health team. I believe him as the messages she is sending are not just the typical dumped ow like, I'm going to kill myself/you/your wife/children. They are fairly sinister and have an extremely distinguishing feature for a very serious mental illness. To the point that notifying the police is a consideration.

I'm aware that it looks rather suspicious and I would be suspicious reading another post like this. However I am very certain of the evidence. Thank you for all your help.