Ow in the office

[Fielder7]

I caught my dp bordering on a EA/sexting IMO
After me.finding out and being distraught he promised he wouldn't txt her or talk to her at work. The problem is now I'm a wreck wondering if they are still txting/talking.

Hes changed seats. Away from her and promises he doesn't talk to her and s
Apparently she doesn't talk to him but how can I trust it?
I know MNetters would say actions rather than words but would this be classed as actions or is he just saying it to keep me "readdured"
Its just so hard to say. I want to work.out our relationship in.jjst worried hes still in touch with her . How common is it for the man to just blank ow? Do they carry on speaking work related? He claims.he doesn't and hasn't needed to speak to her on anything work related...

I would just want more reassurance daily but understand that's not always viable.

You are asking the wrong questions to the wrong person. The question you should be asking is ‘Why don’t I love myself more’?

Despite all the horrible things he said about the OW you still think that he’s the prize. Well you won the pick me dance and the price for that, is the constant soul destroying ‘what is he doing and who with’?

Mine did this - made not nice comments about the ow, putting her down, etc etc, but he was only saying it to try and put a cover up about the fact he nd his stonking erection over her would be too horrible for me to find out about.

He's trying to smoke screen you. I'm guessing she has not requested a move at all - he's just saying that to try and "trick" you into thinking all is ok. Most of the time, they absolutely cannot help themselves and will go straight back to texting/never stoped texting in the first place.

Oh Op but you do know and you've known for a long time.

If he moved job he would just find another person to engage in this behaviour with.

You've posted thread after thread on this (under a different username every time) and receive the same responses each time, yet ignore the answers and come back repeating the same question.

From your previous threads and this one this man is a cheat and a liar. He also gaslights and controls you.

He's just telling you anything you want to hear to shut you up.

What is it this keeping you in this mockery of a relationship exactly?

You are all right and the more posters point out his behaviours and patterns, the more I see it clearly.
The only thing that keeps me is the family unit the children and childcare arrangements as his parents do 50% of the childcare. If we split, I would struggle with it.

@justlou1

Intranet?

Intra-office internet. He can still contact her via that without you checking... of course he’s have To be more careful about what he actually said.... but it wouldn’t stop him.

Oh fgs not this again

Don’t waste your time offering advice, people.

The OP will not take it and instead chooses to put her children at risk. This man has emotionally abused one of the daughters, cheats on the OP and mocks her yet she still makes excuses and won’t leave him

What strikes me is how he can be really degrading when he speaks to her as her old and disabled and makes comments like "nobody likes her" repeatedly. I dont know whether to take this as a sign that something is still going on

What a complete arsehole.

He's degrading her because she's disabled? WTF?
And he's the one who wanted to sleep with her in the first place anyway, nobody was forcing his hand to do it, he chose her.

@womanspeakout

I know. That annoys me the most she has fibromyalgia so is classes as disabled apparently but he uses that to his advantage!"why would I be with an old, disabled woman over you?"
I think it's pretty sad and like you said he was lusting after her

My ex said some vile things about a woman he had just split from (He had no need it was before we got together). Called her ugly, buck teeth, said all his mates took this piss out of him over her looks, bad in bed like a sack of potatoes etc. He ended up having an affair with her while we were together (less than a week after he said some of these comments).

There are so many ways that he can continue this relationship with OW and hide it from you. It is so easy. If it is an EA it is harder to break off than a physical affair/a quick shag!. There is now a connection between them, feelings involved so it will be harder for him to break it. If he really wants to show you he has changes, he should change jobs. But from experience I can tell you, you will never stop wondering!

Why do you keep posting? Genuine question.

The thing is I cant honestly say it was an EA because txts were sexual and flirtatious to each other or about work. I think she wanted it to head that way but can only assume
They were txting for just over month before I confronted
Her last txt to him (after me confronting her) was "I cant be doing with this shit"
Never seen any more txts since. Maybe they only talk in work. I'll never know...

@pinkmonkeybird

What did the texts say?

I think it's pretty sad and like you said he was lusting after her

The saddest thing is you keep posting about this fucking awful man and not taking on board any of the commentary

We are all wasting on our time. On this thread and the several that have gone before where you summarise how much shit you are willing to eat

It's fucking disturbing to think the pair of you are raising daughters, tbh

In regards to him criticising her to you i highly doubt he would turn around and say "yeah she's gorgeous, I'd love to go there!" He's probably trying to cover his own back and throw you off the scent.

I've also read your threads and just feel sad for you, seriously how much longer can this go on?

You’re such a doormat OP. It’s depressing. I’m not usually this blunt but you really are the wettest blanket, and there have been some dismal specimens of that on this board over the years. Please try to find some courage. I really hope you can. I wish you happiness and freedom.

Op there is no family unit. This man may as well be a stranger to you!

How old are your kids and surely his parents wouldn't just stop looking after their grandkids if you left?

It's so sad to see someone being disrespected in this way yet just sitting there waiting for the other person to end it.

I would offer you a way around but I know you're not going to end it so seems pointless.

Stop listening to what he SAYS and look at what he DOES. His actions are not that of a man that loves or respects you or your kids.

Is this really all you think you're worth??

But why leave him when he is reassuring me and trying? Some marriages need time and commitment. I dont want to give up. We started off as good friends. He never goes out on his own, wants to spend time together as a family

Time does heal.
Keep working on yourself.
Marriages can get through this but it can take a long time.
I've know people get passed this and be stronger for it.
Has it been 3 years yet?
Make sure you are doing fun things together and maybe get some CBT if you're struggling with anxiety.
Do this for yourself and what ever happens you'll feel stronger for it.
Good luck!

You just can't help some people < shrug>

Have some self respect woman!

You need to take yourself out of the sitiation/environment to be able to think clearly. Trust me I've been there, actually I am there!... once you are on your own for a few days with family's support, its unbelievable how you can see things more clearly. And how strong you can be. Good luck xx

@robin2323

Thank you. I'm choosing to work at it rather than just give up. I feel if he is choosing to be with me and try then I cant ask for more.

It's not even been 6 months yet! Maybe that's why I'm finding it really hard
Hes proposed to me and is desperate to get marries - hes the one wanting it ASAP. Iv actually been in two minds. So isn't this a positive?
Were.planning to wed in August.. not s registry office with close friends

Why do you keep posting about this dickhead then ? You know the replies you are going to get. All your threads have been unanimous in their condemnation of him. What is your compulsion here ?

If you