We're on hol & seem to have broken upx help :(

[Maria53]

I was seeing a guy on a casual basis last year for 3 months. We broke up and I thought that would be it, but he kept in touch and eventually became best friends who spent all their time together.

So that lead to a kiss one night and we got back together. But he was moving so it was bittersweet - but the kicker is, he asked me to go with him and I couldn't yet because I had to finish my work contract first. I've now quit that job (have another temporary one) and things have been going from bad to worse. Being with him has been great though, although for the last 2 months we've been LDR we Skype for hours a week and he's been lovingly and supportive.

Now we're together for 6 days, the reunion was fantastic and I had no doubt he was just as happy to be with me. I'm not deluded, i know from previous partners he acts as in love with me as I am with him. But then last night he mentioned how it's still just 'casual and not a relationship right?' and I couldn't believe it. This is someone who has been asking me to move with him, says he still wants that and doesn't want to see anyone else but thinks hes in no fit state to be a proper partner because of his depression (which has flared up lately). I was honestly shocked he didn't now feel this was serious as I did.

He held on to me tightly all last night and seemed upset. I also feel very vulnerable and upset because I am alone with him in a foreign country for another 3 days and yet another thing in my life has gone to shit :( just looking for some support!

I've barely eaten today and had a good sob to my best friend down the phone.

I'm going to miss his support massively. He was my biggest cheerleader, helped re-build my confidence and get me on stage and performing again. Lately I've had an awful work situation and hes always been there to talk it over.

I'm wondering if we could be friends eventually but for how it's far too raw :(

Ive just read this whole thread. I think he's been pretty cold and cruel but I think you've behaved impeccably and can totally hold your head up. I don't see how you can do anything else but go NC with him, you'll just get hurt again or talked into seeing/sleeping with him again. You might be able to be friends in the future, or you might decide you don't need a friend like that.

Good luck. It's going to take a bit of time to get over this great kick in the teeth. Bear in mind he will contact you at some point and tell you he's hurting and missing you. Be strong. He's flaky and you deserve solid.

Aw thank you Honeyroar, that's really kind of you to say.

He did say I deserve someone consistent and that hes not capable of it at this point in time. But that was a shock as hes been behaving like a consistent partner.

I said I don't want him to contact me and as he says he 'respects' me I doubt he will. So it will be up to me to decide if I want a friendship in the future.

You've done everything right, Maria, can be proud of yourself. You now deserve something good to happen in your life and I hope you don't have to wait too long.

I've cried most days but my appetite is improving and I haven't contacted him. I even hosted an event for women in business today.

I am wondering if I should delete him from Facebook and everything else? The thought of never speaking to him again is still awful. He treated me badly last week. I know I deserve better in a romantic partner. But does that mean we could never be friends again?

I would delete him from everything
I always find it easier if I completely cut them out. In the past I’ve even asked my friends not to tell me if they see them. And I certainly wouldn’t maintain any sort of friendship. It’s just prolonging the pain.

Delete him from everything. It’s the only way to move on. He’ll be one of those that tries to get in contact when he’s in his 40s, married with kids and thinks of you as the one who got away.

Stay NC as he will mind fuck you and stop you from moving on

I agree with deleting him from everything. I “left the door open” in this situation and he messed me around for another two years (!) and made it very hard for me to move on and meet someone else. I wish I’d blocked him everywhere years ago (I have done so now - better late than never).

Thanks everyone. I'm going to delete him tomorrow.

The weird thing is for the first week I cried a lot, screamed into a pillow several times, barely ate, woke up feeling nauseous etc...but now nearly two weeks later I feel sort of over it? My friends say I seem fine and I feel fairly cheerful. Is this a sign in in denial and it's going to come back and bite me later? I really cared about him and it usually takes me longer to recover!