So...My relationship just ended. Kind of.

[Itsreallyallovernow]

Well maybe went on a long hiatus rather than ended. Like One Direction or something, although he says he hopes we will get back together.

In the next few months while we take a break, he says we should date other people. I have no desire to do this although he is keen because we haven't had sex for months (as much his fault as mine) and he has needs. Despite always having told me he doesn't do 1 night stands or sex outside relationships and whatever.

He's saying he wants us to reunite eventually...but I don't think that squares with everything else he's saying.

It's probably telling that I don't feel upset. Or anything really.

We've had an exchange of messages and it definitely is all over. His desire to go and shove his dick in various holes is greater than his desire to preserve any chance of us ever getting back together. So I think we're pretty much done. I kind of knew we were when I called him out on a lot of his behaviours but he's a coward and wouldn't say it to my face.

We've been through some hugely stressful times mostly His, and yet I'm still not good enough. I really hope he discovers the grass is not greener.

Oh lovely lady, you say your self-esteem is fine, yet you are judging yourself on how many dates you've managed to get in the past???

I love myself way to much to worry about who wants to date me or not. I have my own back. If a man wants to be part of my busy life, he has to enhance it.

That's self-esteem. I'm not special.

Live your best life. I guarantee this dickwad was holding you back.

Sorry op but this sounds like a load of twoddle to me.

He continuously moves the goalposts (to make resolution unachievable) and wants this break to shag around and see if he can find anything 'better' before deciding if he actually wants you.

Get on with your life and let him crack on with it.

These guys are just gutless!!!!

yet I'm still not good enough.

With the greatest respect, you've got that arse about face.

He is not good enough for you. He sounds like a proper loser tbh. You are very well rid of him.

I always feel like he moves goalposts. And then denies it. Not my problem any more.

I had a dream about him last night (I never dream about him) and we were happy, and starting again and going out on a date. And he paid me lots of compliments and we had a wonderful evening. And then I woke up and I've had a bit of a cry about it all.

But then I remember how mean he was. Like he was always complaining about the size of my house, how I didn't need a house this big (it's an extended semi, yes it has 5 bedrooms but it's not a stately home!) and why couldn't I be satisfied with a small house, etc (I own this house, he rents). I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

He’s an abusive, dysfunctional, gaslighting, twat.... you need an unbroken one, OP.

Please don’t get me wrong... I’m not saying I agree with them at all, but legally that’s what’s going on. This is what I have had to face with my family members. It sucks, but he is the one with the legal protection at the moment.

Whoops! Disregard last post! Wrong one!!!

I do need someone with less issues. Someone I don't have to tiptoe around. Someone I don't have to make out that commitment and living together aren't important because they are but he refused to do any of that because he'd already been married once and is still bitter as hell about that because he didn't really love her so thought she wouldn't leave him. What sort of person married someone they don't really love? That says it all really.

And I'm so angry at him. For throwing away what we had like it was nothing. I am convinced he either has someone else lined up or will be doing everything he can to find someone asap. I feel sick thinking about it. We were meant to be together for the rest of our lives and he's thrown all that in the bin like it never mattered. I have done everything I could to keep our relationship going, I have supported him through massive turmoil and for what...

I just feel shit now, everything I thought I'd be doing this month, this year, for the next however many years involved him and now it doesn't. If I thought he felt in any way sad about it that might make it better but I don't think he does in the slightest. He was very quick to change his FB status to single.

It’s ok to rant, it’s good to be angry, let it all out. In the end, you don’t have a massive twat around to drag you down but he does: he’ll never change, but you can and will move on to better things

I'm sad too. I didn't think I was but I really am. And I know he isn't. He couldn't give a shit.

Last year we rowed and he said he was going to kill himself. I spent half an hour phoning him frantically and then, once he did answer the phone, over an hour crying and begging him not to do it. And after that he never even apologised for putting me through it.
And what was the point of any of it?

I think the point of the “ I’m going to kill myself “ was to punish you for having a row with him.

So that next time you find yourself disagreeing with him or you even think of disobeying him, you remember that night and how awful it was and you do as you are told.

That’s the point - it’s a control mechanism .

He not doing anything like that now because he’s disengaged and he CBA with all the drama anymore. He’s using his energy to reel in the next victim/s. He just using the minimal amount of effort to keep you on the back burner, just in case.

Ok this is bad.

its either that its a excuse to end or he is saying that so incase he fails in a replacement then he can come back.

my advice and I might be biased as I am severely opposed to open relations and breaks where they sleep around.

A break should be an end always. If its time for a break to be called its time to end no matter how much you assume you have in common. let him go but move on, I know you don't want to date but the moment you start you will see how bad this guys behaviour is and a genuine piece of advice is if any man shows similar traits, bin him off and next him. I know many think its hard this online dating thing but you can line them up one every day if you please, but I warn you this is time consuming and a mental juggling act lol.

My advice to all women is make them prove themselves and at the first sign of trouble get rid and move on, they would. I like how men think they are the choosers LOL they really have it all wrong. As with all species men must display traits we decide we want. Not the other way round.

Yes maybe it was a way of keeping me in line.

He sent me a long email recently listing ways in which I'd upset him. I asked if this was meant as a way of sticking 2 fingers up or a way of clearing the air. He said the latter, talked about how we needed to be honest. He said nothing I could say would be too harsh.

So I responded in that vein, let go of a lot of things I'd kept to myself because I'm not a cruel or spiteful person so listing flaws doesn't come naturally. But I thought ok I'll be brutally honest so we can clear the slate and start afresh, together.

After that he wanted to meet up and talk. He started by saying were were over, then said that our old relationship was over but then talked about how we could find a way forward, to spend some time apart and then get back together.

I later questioned him about him dating other people and said I wasn't happy with that, and he basically said I was stupid, I didn't get it but to be clear we weren't in a relationship, we were done and he would date or fuck whoever he wanted now.

I just can't stop feeling angry or sad in turn. It comes over me in waves. I've not slept and am taking a few days off work because I just feel in turmoil.

Angry and sad is normal .

Do you have some RL support?

Try and spend the next few days being kind to yourself . Can you get some gentle exercise, even going out for a walk , a swim or sauna .

And meet up with some friends . Start to reclaim your own life .

Arrange some fun things for the next few weeks.

so we can clear the slate and start afresh, together.

You are still not getting it , are you ?

I don't really have any RL support. I dont have any family other than my DC. He was my best friend. My other friends are fairweather...fine for day to day but not really for support. I'd let people on social media know that we'd broken up. Some friends responded sympathetically, others didn't even do that. No one has reached out by text etc but I didn't expect them to.

I thought we'd move forward together because that was what he said. Even then when he talked about a break he was saying we would get back together, he'd marry me etc. It's all a complete headfuck if I'm honest.

I imagine people don't know quite how to react about messages on FB about status changes . Stay away from FB about this .

He said, he said , he said ....do you REALLY want to continue being a casual shag for this bloke when he has nothing else to do . HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND! FRIENDS DO NOT TREAT FRIEND LIKE THIS . Please wake up and tell him to fuck off !

Please listen to the posters here. He’s telling you it’s over. He’s just keeping you as a reserve in case it doesn’t work out with his current partner and he needs a shag .

You need to make a new life for yourself without him. Text some of your friends (fairweather or otherwise ) and suggest a day / night out. Don’t talk about him, have fun.

Take up some new hobbies / interests / sports / volunteering . What kind of things do you like ?

Don’t sit at home moping.

I put something on fb so that I wouldn't have to have an awkward conversation if I bumped into a friend in Asda and they said 'how's your partner?' or asked why he wasn't with me (as we are always together at weekends).

And I know he isn't my friend. I know it is over. I did say this upthread on my post on Saturday at 20.06 but maybe I wasn't clear enough. I said to him on Saturday that I couldn't agree to him fucking other people while we were on a break, just friends whatever. He said he wanted to do that, that it wasn't a break (despite saying it was the day before!) we were over and he's fuck who he wanted he didn't need my permission. But he hopes we'd stay friends. I told him I wouldn't be his friend in those circs. So we are very much done. I know he won't be coming back. I have deleted him and his family from FB. I know it's over.

However knowing it doesn't stop me feeling angry and upset.

I’m so sorry OP 💐 I think I would not only delete him (well done) but also block him now - basically, no contact. Then just hunker down and endure your feelings of anger, sadness and disappointment because they WILL pass. Hold your DC tight.

On the OLD thread we tend to say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Don’t know if that might help you at least a bit?

I'll be honest I don't have a lot of time for hobbies. I work full time, I have a house which I'm trying to do up, and I also go to gym several times a week/ parkrun on Saturdays.

I feel really very lonely. At times like this it amplifies how much I miss my parents. Most people who have no partner have parents or vice versa, I don't have either.

As to sex with someone else honestly the thought makes me feel sick. We both used to say how glad we were to have met each other and never have to through the traumas of online dating again. Yet now he can't wait to meet someone else. Prick.

I totally get all that OP. To be honest it took me s long time before I took that path, everyone is different. And I’m so sorry to hear that your parents are gone too 💐 I guess work and your DC and your fitness are what you should focus on now - and maybe box sets??? In time you will get there. Warm hugs until you do