So...My relationship just ended. Kind of.

[Itsreallyallovernow]

Well maybe went on a long hiatus rather than ended. Like One Direction or something, although he says he hopes we will get back together.

In the next few months while we take a break, he says we should date other people. I have no desire to do this although he is keen because we haven't had sex for months (as much his fault as mine) and he has needs. Despite always having told me he doesn't do 1 night stands or sex outside relationships and whatever.

He's saying he wants us to reunite eventually...but I don't think that squares with everything else he's saying.

It's probably telling that I don't feel upset. Or anything really.

So his solution to a lack of intimacy and sex in your relationship is to break up with you so he can shag other people?

He sounds like a complete idiot. Don’t let him waste any more of your time.

From your side, a "break" does not have to involve shagging other people. Despite popular opinion, you don't HAVE to have sex with anyone you don't want to.

I would probably take quite a long break from this pillock. The rest of your life should do it nicely.

There might not have been "loads of men" out there for a long-term single size 22 lady (though there are always some), but i think you will find that as a newly-single size 12 lady who takes excellent care of herself, that you will be fishing in a rather different pool. Always assuming you want to, of course.

You're beginning to sound as if you will take him as there might not be anyone else despite the fact that you don't mind being single . Time to wake up honestly !

There is unlikely to be anyone else. I'm happy to be on my own bit if I want a relationship I'm unlikely to meet anyone else.

I was a size 14 when I met him (and whilst I was single previously). I gained a lot of weight while we were together due to a lot of stressful events.

You are right, you can’t fix it.

He’s not a nice person, he’s treating you very badly. Please walk away from this. It’s better to be single than be treated like shit by someone who is supposed to love you.

I see loads of "bigger" women with men all the time in town - doesn't seem to be an issue . I think you are just stuck on him .

I honestly couldn't be less interested in meeting someone else. I have told him that a break is fine but if he does shag anyone else (Or anything really) that we will be done, I simply couldn't see him in the same way. And given that he is quite jealous of me anyway, he would feel the same I have no doubt.

Men who are jealous of their partners DO NOT tell them to go off and shag other people .

He seems like he's just a miserable person.

Cut the cord for good and be done with him.

You're unlikely to meet anybody if you believe you're unlikely to meet anybody.

And don't see being size 12 as part of your worth. Size aside, a red flag is a red flag.

He was the only person I met in many years of being single that was interested in a relationship with me (and even before that, I have never been in a position of turning men down...prior to him my relationship history was a few very brief relationships with gaps of years between, the relationship with my DCs father, which ended 5 years before I met my current partner (and in those 5 years I didn't even have any casual relationships, it was lots of 1-2 date encounters which never went anywhere). So realistically if that's been a pattern all my adult life, irrespective of what age or size I was, whether I had kids or not, it's pretty unlikely to change in the future and it would be foolish to think otherwise.

Luckily I don't mind so much being on my own, after all I've had enough experience!

That doesn't mean though that there is a future for us. One of the issues I raised was that I think sometimes he should do nice things for me just because (I work hard, I'm a single parent, I don't have any family or close friends so my life isn't always a picnic) rather than in return for me having done something for him. His response to that was that if I want to be treated like a princess I should expect to treat him like a prince.

For someone who tells me he loves me he doesn't fucking act like it. Although if I said that he'd say the same is true of me.

Sounds like he wants to spread his wings but doing it gently. It's obvious he needs some attention. You and he have probably come to the end of the road. It's quite something that you're not hurt!

Move on, Itsreallyallovernow. By all means keep your options open but it's possible you may meet someone else who appeals to you, even if you are not wanting that right now. Dating is fun even if it leads nowhere, good excuse to get dolled up and sometimes you make a new friend.

Good luck .

He needs some attention...well then maybe he should take some responsibiity too for our issues. And of course we cant resolve any issues when were not together especially if hes off fucking other people.

I have to say I never found dating fun. At best boring, at worst pretty depressing. But never fun. Frankly I can't think of anything I'd want to do again less.

He sounds like an entitled shit.... you sound beaten down. Get rid and work on your self esteem!!!

My self esteem is fine honestly. I know I am attractive, clever, good job, reasonable personality. Not sure how I can improve my self esteem beyond that? It surprised me it took so long to find a man who could see it, and I'm disappointed that he thinks a break and seeing other people is a solution to our issues.

Sounds like they might be his issues then, kiddo...

Have you considered counselling? Alone or together.

We did go together for an initial counselling session about a month ago. Tbh it didn't really help (obviously it was only 1 session). We were waiting for them to find us a slot for further appointments but obviously we won't be pursuing that now.

The more I think about the treating him like a prince comment the more annoyed I feel.

Oh and he's changed his status on fb to single. So that's nice.

I'm sorry but it sounds like he's already moved on. My ex did this, but still wanted to be friends messaging etc. He stated that he needed to get his head round work, his kids access, house etc, but thought we could get back together. I then found him on Match with a sickly (lieing) profile.
They just want you as back up incase it goes wrong. You are worth so much more than that x
Block him on everything & enjoy being you. It hurts like hell, but it does get easier xxx

OP you are the back up girl while he goes off to see what else is out there.

If he doesn't like what he discovers, he'll expect to come back to you.

I would not allow this.

And also OP you sound like a catch. You say you're attractive, intelligent, you have a good career etc.

I had a lot of issues meeting someone when I lived in a small town. Did online dating but couldn't meet anyone I wanted to pursue a relationship with or who wanted to pursue things with me.

I noticed I had a lot more luck in a big city.

Could that be the reason for you too?

He repeatedly says he still loves me and wants us to work out in the long term. Time will tell. But if he does start shagging other people then that's me done, I've been clear that's where I draw the time.

Thanks for saying I sound like a catch. I can't blame where I live though - I'm in a reasonably big town on the outskirts of London!

You’re dating potential will be greatly enhanced due to your weight loss. Well done.

Accept things are over with this numbnut and move on.