Caught partner watching porn

[Booboo30]

So I caught my partner watching porn. I feel extremely hurt, to me it feels like cheating. He's had the need to look at other woman behind my back and jerk off to them. He lied to me too saying he doesn't. I've been trying to get us closer recently and asking him to come to bed with me and he hasn't been (not all the time) and then I find out this. We were trying for a baby and it hasn't been working and I'm not surprised if he's going off on his own.
I just feel if he was happy and satisfied he wouldn't have the need to do this :-(
I'm hurt, angry and upset and I don't want to be anywhere near him now.
Am I over reacting?

Okay then. I'll just answer the OP's original question then.

Yes OP in my opinion I think you are over reacting and asking him to stop watching porn is unreasonable and controlling. Just my opinion.

There you go. I'll never get involved in one of these porn threads again because at the end of the day there are just differences of opinions and situations.

OP, perhaps unintentionally, you are focusing on the porn because it may seem like it's easily identifiable and if someone could come up with a solution about it all would be well.

I fear that the porn is just one of many symptoms in your relationship. His behaviour doesn't help but if it were only this aspect and everything else were great then you could manage and have a healthy conversation about it.

You need to rebuild from the ground up. Work on yourself, he needs to grow up and you need to do more things and more healthy sharing as a couple.

There you go. I'll never get involved in one of these porn threads again because at the end of the day there are just differences of opinions and situations.

Yes, we can all do without your paragraphs mansplaining your love for porn to us.

@PolytheneSam That's all I'm trying to say.

I think the thing is mrmagoo what you need to think on is that for many women it’s not just what they are watching , it’s the secrecy and lies, pretending they aren’t interested, don’t watch it etc.some women want to know so they can make a choice,the same as whether we would choose to live with a gambler or a total spendthrift or alcoholic etc , and contrary to opinion of the ‘well you may well end up not in a relationship because all men do it’. Some women aren’t actually that frightened of being on their own if constant secretive sleaze comes as part of the deal, especially if they already have kids. They do however like to feel they at least ‘know’ who they are living with/married to. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, if both are ok with it then all well and good but in many of these cases the guy is hiding a big part of himself and that kills trust and intimacy (and I don’t necessarily mean sex) for those of you who are at least upfront about it with partners then that’s good, because your partner then is aware of the score

I don't think that can be construed as "mansplaining" Mr. Magoo is giving his opinion, albeit from a male perspective. If you don't agree with his opinion then that is fair enough (I am a woman btw)

I already posted on this thread and I agree with his and many other people's opinions on the OP thread. This is a symptom of other things. The OP has mentioned other issues too.

Yes, porn use can be a harmful addiction
Yes, some people see it as a deal breaker
Yes, the porn inducted is murky at best
Yes, some people see it as infidelity
Yes, some people would watch it in secret rat her than be judges by their partner (both male and female in my experience)
Yes, it is a triggering issue for some people

However, none of these are absolutes. You may feel extremely strongly about your opinion, and you are perfectly entitled too, but it doesn't give you the right to tell anyone else how they can or can't live their lives. It is for each couple to discuss how they I've in their partnership.
If porn is tolerated then thats OK if it's agreeable to both.
If porn is not tolerated then that's ok if it is agreeable to both.

A lot of MNers take no responsibility in their own part of marriage breakdown/porn use/infidelity, there can be a stong victim mentality here. BTW I am someone who has been through ALL THREE of those things. I am NOT saying that if your partner watches porn or is unfaithful it is your fault. What I am saying is that if people are unhappy in a relationship then in the majority of cases BOTH parties have some part in it (with the exceptions of DV or addiction) Dealing with this after my husbands affair (and other issues) was very very difficult for me, but many years later I can see I was not perfect and have learned from my past relationship a lot.

At the end of the day OP only you can examine your relationship. Only you and your partner can talk about this if that's the route you choose or you can leave if that's the route you choose. Either way I would think this warrants a frank and open conversation and perhaps counselling if conversation is too difficult without a third party present.

The judgment on these forums, especially towards men, can be very vicious. Sometimes you have to wonder why you have such strong feeling about something. What is unhealed in you can that resurfacing?

I know I'm not talking about porn here because it just goes around in circles I haven't read past the original post but what are the reasons behind him wanting to do this?

Part of the issues could be the TTC I don't think it's you personally or that you should take it personally, TTC can totally sap the life out of sex and not make it enjoyable it totally changes the dynamic of fun sex with passion and turns it into frustration and a chore especially if it's not working theses the demand of needing to do it at certain times and perform. I think more so for men than women but women can feel this way too, but women override some of these feelings with the thought of their baby, but for men, it can be the reality of it all.

It's stressful and sometimes people get to the point where they want a different type of relief without all the strings, stress heartache, attached that sex when trying for a baby comes with I am not saying that this condones his action, I'm just saying this could be where the masturbation and pleasuring himself comes from, people can have sex and still wish to try other things it doesn't mean their partner isn't good enough.

Sex for the sake of something ie TTC isn't always as fulfilling as the fun and passionate sex without the pressures

Thanks @AnastasiaBeverleyHills That's exactly as I said and a perfectly worded post which I wish I wrote myself but it would have been mansplaining then

As I felt.