I will try and keep this short as I dont want to sound either ungrateful for my life, health and family but I hate myself for the way my life has turned out.
From a very early age all I wanted to do was become a vet. I love animals and this my only goal in life. I did work experience in vets, worked in the summer holidays at a dog rescue - I loved it. I put absolutely eveything into getting good A levels to get onto the uni course but fell short of the grades. I was totally devasted but resat the year.
After another 12 months of hard study I failed again. I gave up on my dream and made a rash decision and got a job with an accountancy firm where I still work today.
My younger sister is attractive, smart and clever. I have always felt i have been in her shadow. She had her sights on medical schol but at the last minute changed to become a vet. I was very pleased for her but inside totally angry, upset and jealous. She never showed any interest in this career and to this day i am sure she chose this career to spite me.
Fast forward over ten years. I am single (last ltr ended in January). I live in a flat and i am terribly lonely. My sister is married, lives in an amazing house, lovely DH and 2 lovely DC.
I said to myself if i couldnt be a vet then i would like to settle down and have a family. That didnt work out.
What has totally floored me today is my sister calling to me say she is expecting her third DC. I said how happy i was for her but she just replied saying it wasnt planned. I really struggled with this. She knows my position but seems to rub it in.
She is living the life I wanted and all I can do is watch from the outside.
My parents think she is wonderful. They never found about the drugs she did at uni, getting arrested for being drunk etc. Nothing major but she is no angel.
I feel a total failure. Her amazing news today just makes me feel so low. I hate my job and hate feeling like this. I know my problems are probably nothing compared to others but i just cant seem to move on.