I never would’ve thought this of my sister...

[MissKittyBeaudelais]

My older sister is having an affair with a married man. It’s none of my business, I know but I’d never have imagined she could be such a mug. It’s been going on for 18 months. He says his relationship with his wife is more like brother and sister and that whilst they don’t have a married relationship in terms of sex and love, they get on well and do lots of stuff together. He and my sister worked together many years ago and they met up again and started seeing each other.

Thing is, I find it really difficult to talk to her about it, when she wants to discuss stuff or just even says “We’re doing this/that/whatever”. I just think “he’s seeing you when he can fit you in and he’s off to Spain to his holiday home with his wife”. He was leaving his wife this summer but they’ve got a few events planned and he felt he needed to not cause upheaval before those family events. Now, he says he’s can’t leave until his daughter goes to Uni in Sept which is so close to Christmas... etc etc.

I just want my sister to stop this. I haven’t told her so. I feel sorry his his wife/family and of course my sister. I’ve never met him. Sister (obviously) has never met any of his friends etc.

Should I just not say anything? WWYD?

Bless you, @Mensie12

🤣

Did someone seriously just post ‘hate the game not the player’?

Yes!!

What was that from? Something in the 2000s wasn't it?

*It never fails to amaze me how on these threads the woman gets absolutely panned as the morally-decrepit person.

No. That'll be the married person. Save your vitriol for them.*

No, they each have 50% responsibility for the CHOICES they are both making.

I believe it’s a self esteem thing coupled with fear of being alone. My sister never had any security. It’s how we all grew up. I know, that she’s clutching at “last chance” straws. He, on the other hand, sounds (to me) like a total shitbag.

I feel so sad for her when she says things like “oh, when you meet “X” you’ll really like him/find him funny/caring/whatever. I have a feeling I will NEVER meet him because he has no need to leave his wife of 20yrs. He can have all home comforts and some “fun” as well.

Oh, and thanks for the many replies. Such an emotive subject. You all have your opinion and it WAS opinions I was seeking.

Menzie if you are real you illustrate perfectly the addiction, delusion, fantasy.

If its not that bad and you aren't hurting anyone? Tell your spouses.

If its good enough to do, its good enough to talk about

You and he are thieves.

Ha ha.
Happy playing second fiddle?
What tosh.
If he really loved you he'd leave his wife and be with you.
But he won't because he doesn't.
Seen this played out so many times - but of course you're different :)

😂😂😂

@Mensie12
Coming across as bitter and defensive as you do, suggests the penny might just be dropping (just like your knickers) in that silly little ignorant brain of yours that you are indeed a shallow idiot.

Mensie is obvs a teenage boy playing on his mums mumsnet account.

The gift that keeps on giving 😂😂😂

Oh dear...you're still here.

Her life. However, if she thinks he is going to leave his wife she is naive. If he was going to leave her he would have by now. I know someone who has been seeing a married man for 20 years! He still hasn't left his wife even now his children have grown up! Personally, I would never allow a man to treat me like that, I would never be second best to anyone!

@Mensie12
I'm cool
You worry about your family

Married people who do this are morally bankrupt. If they can't feel guilt for their own spouses and children really are scum, irrespective of their education.

While it is always more the fault of the married person than the single one, it doesn't show them in a good light either - colluding to trash a family is a shitty thing to do

One of my friends Dads was having an affair with a married woman. My friends Mum found out and kicked him out and divorced him. She told the woman's husband who was so incensed that he killed his wife. Everyone lost out here, the man served a long prison sentence. 3 kids were left with just their Mum. 2 children were orphaned in effect because they had no parent left to parent them and the woman was dead.
You never know what's going to happen in life. I think whats very true though is that you never get happiness from someone else's pain.

Mensie is either a troll or a nut job. I can stretch if I have to about the concept about what they don’t know doesn’t hurt them but it will come out. Your affair will change and it doesn’t seem to just be a sex thing as you’ve falling for him good and proper.

I pity both your partners and your children. You say you don’t want to leave them but what’s the end game. What’s going to happen going forwards? I’m genuinely curious to know how your mind works