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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Very stupidly renting with ex

115 replies

FishGingers · 06/06/2019 23:13

after our house was sold as an interim solution. It’s a complete nightmare and I need him to move out. We have two children. He refuses to move out and is asking us to move out instead.

I am the lead tenant and higher earner. He is not really contributing to the children (food, utilities etc) but he pays 50% of the rent.

How do I get him out of the property (peacefully)?

The children like it here and it’s convenient for my daughter’s school.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2019 09:31

You can do something about this OP, this is going to damage your children being kept around this

And I certainly hope you don't give in and cook for him, cheeky fucker

crumble82 · 07/06/2019 09:40

OP I really feel for you, you sound like you and your DC are in an awful situation. However if you refuse to speak to the people who may be able to help you (the letting agency) then nothing will change.

They can do 3 things as I see it (I’m not legally qualified though):

  1. Take his name off and then you will have leverage to get him out.
  2. Refuse to do anything.
  3. Terminate the agreement, however if it is then terminating the agreement they may lose out financially making it a less appealing option.
Missingstreetlife · 07/06/2019 09:40

Stop worrying what he will say. I can't understand why you let him back in but you need to get him out. Pay the deposit on a room or flat for him and go no contact. He can go to court about the rest.

Weenurse · 07/06/2019 10:02

Read the other thread, it does appear that he is going down the same path.
Good luck

Margorystewartbaxter · 07/06/2019 10:14

Speak to the agency and let them 'check' you both as potential ongoing tenants maybe?
On paper he can't afford the house and you can. So you give notice, which they can accept early of the remaining five months, and you then sign in as the new tenant? In your sole name of course.

Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 10:29

The agency has told me right from the start that they don’t even need his income details as mine are fine to proceed. I wanted him on the tenancy agreement to ensure that he will pay his share.

He joins our evening meals whenever he gets a chance - we can’t enjoy our dinner with him sitting there staring at us.

I offered to get him a room. A quite nice one even - but he does not want it. He wants a house with office space, a garage and storage Angry

OP posts:
whathappenedtoskiyoghurt · 07/06/2019 10:30

So what's your plan op? At the moment you're just coming up with every excuse for why you can't do anything, and your children sound desperate.

AuntieStella · 07/06/2019 10:30

Have you given small height value items (the ring in question, any other jewellery, anything saleable) to a trusted friend for safe keeping? If not, then make that a priority task for the weekend.

You cannot keep living like this until November. Get on to your landlord now and see what can be done. I do not see why the landlord would automatically believe your STBX, especially as you are the one who is actually paying.

If you have any joint accounts, see if you can close them. Or at least stop having any of your going in to them and get overdraft facility closed asap. Any other joint assets that need separating?

It might be worth getting rid of this car and replacing it with one that is indubitably your own. I know that might feel like giving in to him, but you might find this one thing worth it. You return whatever money he put in (use same fraction of purchase price against the sale price). See this as buying an end to the hassle in that point.

If you don't actually 'co-own' it (is that even possible with a car?) then obviously you don't need to do that. If he says he'll report you to police, reply 'fill your boots' - police really aren't going to care about the registered owner driving a roadworthy and insured car, and he's the one that will come out of it looking unreasonable.

And I think it might be good for you to call his bluff. And it might help you in the longer run. How do you eat an elephant - one bite at a time

Margorystewartbaxter · 07/06/2019 10:30

Just put notice in and go. It's just a house - not even your own. Just imagine how it will feel to not see his face

Lordamighty · 07/06/2019 11:02

You cannot just throw a tenant off a joint tenancy and I wish people would stop advising it. Being lead tenant only means that you are the one who deals with the admin.
Leaving would still leave you liable for your share of the rent, again I wish people would stop giving poor advice.

SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2019 11:06

"So what's your plan op? At the moment you're just coming up with every excuse for why you can't do anything, and your children sound desperate"

THIS!!!

mydogwearsawoolyjacket · 07/06/2019 11:11

I don't think anyone is saying you can just throw a tenant off a lease or that she won't be liable for rent.

What they're saying is she needs to find out her options, she needs to speak to the agent, take some steps. And at the end of the day being away from him is the most important thing, not the house.

You haven't actually given any advice, so not sure what the point of your post is.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/06/2019 11:21

I've been here, sadly, two years ago.

The landlord/agency couldn't remove him from the tenancy even though I was lead, because they had a contract to him. They wouldn't remove me, as I was in a contract with them to pay the rent. They did say that he could "apply" to take over the tenancy, which the landlord would have to approve and then he would be financially checked to see if he could afford all of the mortgage, but he wouldn't have passed.

I had to leave. I paid half the rent for 2 months more, and then met with my landlord and agreed to end my part of the contract. She was lovely and I'm very grateful for her.

Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 12:06

It’s not that simple and I can’t just leave (I am liable for all the rent) and I can’t kick him out either as he is party to the contract.
If it was that straightforward, I would not have asked for advice.
If I don’t want to spend until November living like this, a voluntary agreement has to be reached and the agency won’t much care about this. They have a contract as far as they are concerned and I am liable for it and he has the right to live here.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 12:07

Same as anchor

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 12:07

And I really can’t pay rent x 2

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 12:10

And I am under contract - I would have to pay the full amount until Nov if I left now.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/06/2019 12:17

OK OP, you're spinning round and round here (and no wonder) but you need to take a breath.

  1. get advice - women's aid is a good place to start
  2. go and see the letting agent. Don't tell your husband you are doing this. If he finds out and later tells them you're hysterical, it doesn't actually matter.
  3. If you can't actually get him moved out or off the tenancy, then you need to cut your losses and move. I know it's a pain. But it needs to be done. Get a loan for the five months rent, or get a 0% credit card or something. I know it's going to be expensive, but you have a good job and you can manage it. Then find another place to live, it may not be as nice or as big it will be worth it. Do a midnight flit. Do not tell XP.
  4. go and see the letting agent and pay the next five month's rent on the original house. Leave them a signed notice to quit, do all the paperwork. Walk away. What happens in five months is up to XH.

I understand this is an expensive way of going about things, but you have to make a break or you will be in exactly the same situation in five months time.

Dig deep and end it.

category12 · 07/06/2019 12:32

Speak to Shelter for advice about your rights (it's not just for homelessness).

category12 · 07/06/2019 12:37

You may be able to apply for an occupation order if his behaviour is bad enough.

Lordamighty · 07/06/2019 12:39

Assured Shorthold Tenancies consisting of more than one person are joint & several liability which means that each party is wholly responsible for the rent & not just a proportion of it.
Worst case scenario would be if the Op moved into another rental & the husband stopped paying the rent, she would still be liable for all of it, not just half, if the joint tenancy is still in place.
Sorry OP I wish I had some advice to give that would help you out of this terrible situation but I don’t want to keep quiet when some of the courses of action being advised could end up costing you £££’s.

Thingsdogetbetter · 07/06/2019 12:43

The letting agency are not idiots. This will NOT be the first time this issue has come up with a let. Why do you assume they will believe him over you? Lead tenant offering to take over and ensure rent is paid, or him going on about you being hysterical??

You need to start being proactive and stop trying to keep this secret. The more secret you want to keep it, the more hold he has over you - I'll tell your work you're crazy etc. Tell HR, take away his threat. At least talk to letting agency- it could be a female landlord who's escaped abuse. If you do nothing, nothing will change. Do something and you never know what might change.

Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 12:56

Speaking to Shelter? And pay for him to live in our home?

OP posts:
purplecatt · 07/06/2019 12:59

Oh well do nothing then and keep subjecting your kids to his abuse.

category12 · 07/06/2019 13:00

Speak to Shelter? About your rights and options to get him out, if any. They're the experts.