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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Very stupidly renting with ex

115 replies

FishGingers · 06/06/2019 23:13

after our house was sold as an interim solution. It’s a complete nightmare and I need him to move out. We have two children. He refuses to move out and is asking us to move out instead.

I am the lead tenant and higher earner. He is not really contributing to the children (food, utilities etc) but he pays 50% of the rent.

How do I get him out of the property (peacefully)?

The children like it here and it’s convenient for my daughter’s school.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:35

He was ok-ish and did not live with us for a while. He is worse now that his business is definitely going and he has nothing left. He was like this before when he had to lay staff off.

OP posts:
whathappenedtoskiyoghurt · 07/06/2019 08:36

Op have a look at awesmum's threads. This is the second one. But basically her ex was refusing to leave as well.

Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3531414-handhold-told-h-i-want-a-divorce-the-fallout-and-rise-again-hopefully

Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:36

I’ll go and speak to the agency. Worst case they say no and we move out which would be a shame. DD loves it here.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:37

Did she manage to get rid of him?

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:38

He is deluded. He will try and be nice again and does not get it that we don’t want him in our lives. We don’t care about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:40

But the landlord will not just terminate his lease? Why would they breach their agreement with one of the parties?

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:42

He acts like he is the one with the money and he is driving a big car. He acts to everybody as though I am a stupid woman (this is what he calls me) and cannot be taken seriously.

OP posts:
whathappenedtoskiyoghurt · 07/06/2019 08:44

It's not terminating the lease, it's just removing a tenant. You really need to ask. If there's no way your landlord will do it then you have to go. It's really not worth it.

IM0GEN · 07/06/2019 08:44

Stop trying to make him “ get it “.

Get legal advice / speak to womens aid and ACT upon it.

Stop talking to him except for the bare minimum.

My guess is that he’s not forgetting things because he’s mentally ill, he’s gaslighting you.

whathappenedtoskiyoghurt · 07/06/2019 08:48

And yes I believe she did and the landlord was involved but I can't recall the legalities around it.

Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:48

He is also gaslighting the children. DD is crying about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:52

He is also threatening to contact my employer to ‘tell them the truth’ about me. I know this would not be relevant as such, however it would be really embarrassing and be remembered.

He is going to do all of this unless I agree to any of his demands.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 08:53

*all of his demands and these will never stop.

I can’t do anything.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2019 08:58

Ahh fuck this. You need to speak to your landlord today and if it's a no then I'm sorry but you really need to get out. The children should not be having to put up with this

SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2019 08:59

And nor should you

Bluerussian · 07/06/2019 09:03

Is there no way you can limit contact, conversation etc, whilst occupying the same house? In the way one might with a tenant who rents a room in your house.

I feel for you and your son, a very unpleasant situation but if you don't say much to eachother, except for essentials, it might help. If he was 'lodging' with someone or renting a room, he wouldn't be able to carry on as he does, he's taking the proverbial.

SparklyMagpie · 07/06/2019 09:04

Actually OP, are you the one who's ex was/is drink driving? Apologies if not

Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 09:07

No I have not posted about his drunk driving before. He is not doing this anymore now - since he got caught - but still affects insurance and I refused to insure him on ‘my’ car.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 09:09

He’s trying to join into our conversations and this always ends badly. He never gives up asking me to provide dinner for him. Every single evening he asks me for dinner, I am not his caretaker.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 09:11

He insists to drive DD to school, even though a dedicated school bus stops very close to the house at exactly the same time.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 09:14

And yes, as his room is right by the front door, he can just go straight into his room without having to inconvenience us, but he chooses to come and join us instead. So every night when he comes back at 8:00 pm there is trouble and as a minimum a very unpleasant atmosphere.

OP posts:
StVincent · 07/06/2019 09:15

It just sounds awful. But you’re wrong to say there’s nothing you can do. A close friend of mine is a letting agent and she has definitely dealt with this situation before. You need to speak to them, and make clear that you want to stay in the house and can afford it, but he can’t.

StVincent · 07/06/2019 09:17

It feels like you’re panicking because he’s being such an abusive dickhead. And no wonder. But you’re not truly helpless here - that’s your kids. Don’t let your ex distract you with his behaviour, you need to work towards a goal which is protecting your children - who have no choice - from having to listen to it. Can you do that?

Original poster
FishGingers · 07/06/2019 09:27

I daren’t speak to the letting agency. He will then speak to them too and tell them that I am a hysterical woman and not to take me seriously.

OP posts:
Mum4Fergus · 07/06/2019 09:30

OP unless you want to be posting about this all again this time next year...follow the advice you have been given and stop letting him abuse you and your children.