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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Depressed

83 replies

ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 19:29

A month ago, life was great. We were happy, my anxiety had disappeared.

Every so often it feels like he loses interest in me and family life.

I haven't seen DP for over a week now, he won't answer my calls or texts.

DS6 cried in school yesterday but wouldn't tell anyone what was wrong, I wanted to keep him off today but he wanted to go, he cried on the way to school because he misses Dad.

I sat at home today worried and anxious incase the same thing happened today, when I collected him this afternoon his teacher told me he cried again today.

I broke down and told his teacher the reason why DS is getting very upset, because he is usually such a happy little boy.

I feel a lot better now I have told them, his teacher was very supportive.

I really dislike seeing him like this, he is my life and I always make sure I do everything to make him happy.

DP not long ago texted me asking if he can come home, I never told him to leave he left at his own accord.

I can't cope with him keep on doing this.

I know this sounds as if I am using this thread as my own personal diary but I just needed to let it out and I know that there are some wonderful people on here.

Thanks for listening

(I am not a new member I have been around for a while, I got a new phone and haven't recurved the email through reset password)

Sorry for the bad grammar, just really can't be bothered to make sure everything is perfect.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 19:53
Sad
OP posts:
bobstersmum · 05/06/2019 20:16

You just support your ds and give him stability, he deserves that. If your dp isn't solid and keeps messing you around then he needs to go to be honest. It's not good for you or your child.

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 21:20

Thanks for replying.

This whole situation is having a bad effect on my mental health, I am really trying to hold it together.

Of course I want him home, he has cheated in the past which is confessed about, I forgave him. It's times like this when he is cold towards me that I think he is doing it again.

OP posts:
MrMagooo · 05/06/2019 22:01

Your OH just walked out?
Any reason or warning?

FuriousVexation · 05/06/2019 22:05

DP not long ago texted me asking if he can come home

Please tell me you said "no"....

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 22:14

@MrMagooo Yes he just walked out, I generally thought he would come back but he didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 22:15

@MrMagooo

Over something very petty, just me asking him to come food shopping with me, which isn't a big ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 22:16

@FuriousVexation

I have texted him back, I don't want to him to think what he has done is acceptable.

OP posts:
MrMagooo · 05/06/2019 22:24

You don't just walk out like that he has no thought or care for you or his son.

Shocking behaviour that nobody should have to put up with. It is going to make your son feel unsafe and create abandonment issues. You shouldn't be putting yourself or your son through this.

If he's unhappy that's fair enough but he needs to be there for his son and talk to you about the situation. Most of us would just love any excuse to walk out for a bit of a break and swan back when we wanted

Please don't put up with this. It's going to cause you and your son massive anxiety issues.

Anything else that he does? Is he grumpy, silent treatment, controlling etc. I can't see this being the only thing he does. No normal person just abandons their family and Sean's back in.

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 22:51

@MrMagooo

I can say hand on heart that he is never been abusive or controlling, I would not put up with that.

He just has a very quiet and laid back personality (I hope that makes sense)

I do suffer from bad anxiety (which hasn't been so bad) I have been able to deal with it which I am proud about, because usually I am just a nervous wreck like I have been for the past week.

He knows I suffer from anxiety and he is never been supportive.

OP posts:
MrMagooo · 05/06/2019 23:15

How many times has he done this?

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 23:48

@MrMagooo

During the time we have been together, around 4-6 times.

I do want him back home for my sons sake, I can't bare to see him upset, but every time DP or goes on holiday (which he does a lot) I am always the one who has to pick up the pieces. DS gets scared when he is not here, even when he goes out he will continuously ask when he is coming back.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 05/06/2019 23:59

@MrMagooo

Also, thank you so much for listening to me tonight, I don't really have much people in RL to speak to, I was thinking about telling DS' best friends mum (who I have become very close with over the past few months) but I am glad I have come on here instead feels so much better speaking with a stranger that way you don't feel judged.

OP posts:
MrMagooo · 06/06/2019 06:33

It really doesn't sound okay, it's already affecting your son and it doesn't sound like he's going to stop doing it anytime soon.

You are better not having him there than living in this uncertainty all the time waiting for the next time he goes awol.

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 06/06/2019 07:49

@MrMagooo

He is back, with no explanation at all. I will be speaking to him later because I can't go on like this.

OP posts:
Windygate · 06/06/2019 07:56

Sorry but his behaviour is abusive and controlling. You need to start protecting your son and your mental health.

CookieDeal · 06/06/2019 08:05

I think it might be worth redefining what you believe to be abusive and controlling behaviour. That your supposed partner and co-parent can just walk out with no real cause or reason, distress you and your son, and trigger intense anxiety which he knows you suffer from - how is that NOT abusive and controlling?

Abuse isn't just being hit or called names, controlling isn't just being told what to do all the time.

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 06/06/2019 09:19

@Windygate

I agree, I do need to start protecting mine and my sons mental health.

I'm so tired, he has taken DS to school I don't know when he will be back.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 06/06/2019 09:20

@CookieDeal

Yes it is very horrible isn't it?

What do I do next? Please help me.

OP posts:
MrMagooo · 06/06/2019 09:31

You have to look at all the options you've got. Your OH seems to think this is okay / he is dictating that he can donut and you accept it. So. I doubt he is going to change.

He literally doesn't care about you at all to do this and you shouldn't convince yourself otherwise. I'd walk out on my family today if I could to have s little break but I don't because I think about my children, I think about my partner and I think about what is right or wrong. Where does he go?

I would get away from this man and stabilise your life and your child's life.

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 06/06/2019 09:59

@MrMagooo

I don't know where he goes.

OP posts:
CookieDeal · 06/06/2019 10:53

I really feel for you. Flowers

I think maybe it's time to make a decision for yourself and your DS. Is this the sort of relationship that is nurturing you? do you have options to leave your partner?

What's your financial and work situation like, do you have family and friends who are supportive?

Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 06/06/2019 11:47

@CookieDeal

We are currently renting the place we live at now (which he is paying for) until our new house is finished

Thank god I am financially stable but I wouldn't want to take DS away from here.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToFeelHappy · 06/06/2019 11:49

@CookieDeal

I have mum, but I don't really want to tell her what is going on, I do have two very good friends.

A lady from my sons nursery and another lady from the school my son attends now, but I really don't want to confide in them.

OP posts:
MrMagooo · 06/06/2019 14:54

You are financially stable....Walk Away.

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