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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To actually want to praise my Husband

273 replies

BKJ89 · 05/06/2019 14:27

So, I have been on Mumsnet for a few months now and i'm finding it increasingly more difficult to find threads that are literally about praising our Husbands (partners/boyfriends/girlfriends/Wives etc).
I have seen lots and lots of posts about lazy, untidy, miserable other halves that I thought it might be nice to have a thread purely taking some time out to appreciate the great ones :)
I'm happy to say that while I understand not all Husbands are this way, mine is a true gem! He works hard to keep myself, our 2 cats and our impending little jelly bean who is growing away nicely as we speak, in a wonderful home, filled with beautiful things. Now don't get me wrong, we're by no means flush, but we are comfortable. I work full time and bring in a good wage, but he works harder for more and i'm grateful.
He is extremely domesticated and will do the washing, the cleaning, the hoovering, mowing the lawns as well as looking after his Mum & Dad and Grandparents whenever they need him. He truly is a wonderful man and every day - even when he's driving me crazy - I count my lucky stars that I landed on my feet. We met 15 years ago, have been friends since. Started dating 7 years ago and have been married for 2 years in July. He's my best friend and I can't wait to start the next part of our lifetime journey with him.
I know this sounds soppy, probably quite daft and extremely slushy, but I just wanted to see if I could try and help those who are wanting to ring their Husband's necks at the moment, to try to remember the reasons they fell in love and all the things they still love about their partners.
100% not meant to sound boasty or anything like that, so please be nice :)

OP posts:

Amibeingdaft81 · 10/06/2019 18:20

@BKJ89
Very similar here

I actually remember posting 9 years ago when I was pregnant with my first how much I adored my husband and how detached I felt from so much of mumsnet

We divorced two years ago. Very amicable, but still, not quite what I envisaged 9 years ago when pregnant with my first

Amibeingdaft81 · 10/06/2019 18:21

Sorry the above was actually for @YoYoYumYum

ravenmum · 10/06/2019 18:30

Mydogisthebest says that "If someone thinks that about their OH and then they do cheat it just proves they didn't know their OH that well." - which says it all, really. You might think you know someone, but actually you don't, unless you can actually read minds. Of course you might think something about someone and then it turns out to be true. But equally, you might think it and it turns out not to be true. That's life.

Ginmel · 10/06/2019 21:04

The joy killers on here are totally unnecessary. You had nothing at all to apologise for, OP. Unfortunately there's far more negatives threads in this section than positive. Sometimes the support is excellent other times I think women are supported in leaving their husbands just because he burnt the toast.

mydogisthebest · 11/06/2019 08:47

I can and do trust my DH 100%. You can all sneer all you like but I do know for absolute certain that my DH has not and will not cheat.

If he posted on here and said my wife has never cheated and never will you would sneer at him too and yet he would be telling the truth because I have never cheated and certainly never would.

We share the same values and views on marriage and fidelity. No pressures or issues will change that. What a stupid thing to say. You either have low enough morals to cheat or you don't. Me and my DH don't.

Just because your husband cheated doesn't mean others will. There are people, men and women, who believe it or not would never cheat.

The truth is that lots of marriages go wrong when you have children and that is often when men cheat. It's totally wrong but seems to happen a lot. We have no children partly because we didn't want to spoil a good and happy relationship

mydogisthebest · 11/06/2019 08:48

ravenmum, Obviously I can't read my DH's mind and I accept there are things I don't know about him but whether he would cheat or not is not one of them. Why can people not understand that if someone is so against cheating then they never would?

TheStuffedPenguin · 11/06/2019 09:32

mydogisthebest

No pressures or issues will change that ? Can you see into the future ?

We have no children partly because we didn't want to spoil a good and happy relationship

What a sad statement ....fingers crossed for you ...

womenspeakout · 11/06/2019 09:39

We have no children partly because we didn't want to spoil a good and happy relationship

In one breath you say nothing could change that, and then the next say you avoided having children not to spoil or test your relationship.

Surely if nothing could ever spoil your high moral standards then having children wouldn't spoil such a happy relationship?

Honestly, you can claim you know anyone's morals, as I said, the Republicans who are morally against abortion are the first in line to get their mistress one when she falls pregnant!

insecure123 · 11/06/2019 10:02

OP Often Mumsnet prefer a bit of bitterness and ripping other women to shreds than anything positive :)

I am happy for you. Not my husband but i have got a good OH now too after a horrend abusive relationship which almost destroyed me.

No one ever knows the future etc but he is great. Works very hard yet still takes time to support my work and my business. Always calm and very thoughtful. He isn't a flashy romantic type but does some really nice small things that make me happy. Like running upstairs when I am in the shower to put the electriv blanket on so the bed is warm, or cutting me daffodils from the field (his own before i get tore about for cutting wild flowers) when he is out checking the animals. I really do hope it lasts

mydogisthebest · 11/06/2019 14:32

Of course having children could spoil a happy relationship, very often it does.

We were very happy just the two of us and wanted to stay that way which we have. I hear neighbours both sides shouting at each other about the children and no way would we want that.

I don't believe anything could change our relationship and we have certainly been through some testing times but why have children when they so often turn out to be a complete and utter pain?

I do know my DH's morals. You can or think what you like but I definitely know 100% for certain.

As I said, but no one responded, if DH came on here and said his wife would never cheat he would be totally correct but all you know it alls would be telling him he was naïve, he couldn't mind read etc etc.

Antigon · 11/06/2019 14:37

Yes, I would say the same thing to a man as I said to you.

How are we supposed to know he’s correct? We don’t know you or your DH. We know human nature though. Of course there are people who would never cheat and people who will always cheat. The point is you can never categorically know if someone will cheat or not. Unless they’re marooned on an island all alone. Or dead.

mydogisthebest · 11/06/2019 15:06

I should have said we chose not to have children because we wanted our chances of staying so happy to be higher than they would be with children. We never, at any time, thought having children would make the other cheat.

Of course, when we got married we didn't know it would be happy ever after but we did discuss our thoughts on infidelity. I probably would not have said at the beginning that I was certain he would not cheat but that I would think it unlikely. I knew that I never would.

Now after so many years together, we both know the other would not cheat.

Antigon, there are some people that no matter what would not cheat. The most attractive person in the world could walk in naked and offer sex and they still would not cheat. Is that really so difficult to believe?

As I said, and I will not be saying it again, I DO KNOW DH HAS NEVER AND WILL NEVER CHEAT. You can think what you like but I honestly don't care

womenspeakout · 11/06/2019 16:36

Everyone in a serious relationship will state they abhor cheating, of course they will, it's not as if they are going to say they're all for it!

Believe what you will, but so many threads on here have people married 25, 30 years and they never thought their husband would ever cheat on them and didn't suspect a thing and that they never had any inclination.

One thread has a man who literally said how much he hated other men who cheated, all the while cheating on his own wife.

ravenmum · 11/06/2019 17:28

if DH came on here and said his wife would never cheat he would be totally correct
You know that because you know what is in your head. So this doesn't support your argument in any way or form 😂

Why can people not understand that if someone is so against cheating then they never would?
I can certainly imagine that some people are so against cheating that they really are unlikely ever to do it. I don't want to cheat on my bf. But my bf doesn't know that. He just has to believe it.

I think it's great that you have such a firm conviction in your husband's faithfulness and hope that you go to your grave (in many years' time of course) "knowing" he won't cheat. It must be a very reassuring feeling.

ravenmum · 11/06/2019 17:30

And ugh, if a sex man walked in naked, wanting sex, I'd call the police, however well toned he was!

mydogisthebest · 11/06/2019 17:42

It is reassuring. I feel sorry for people that are not sure their OH won't cheat. Don't worry I definitely will be going to my grave safe in the knowledge I was not cheated on as will DH.

It's sad that people are married for 20 or more years and yet their partner cheats on them but to not suspect a thing is very strange. I can read my husband like a book as he can me and if there is anything wrong the other knows.

It's also very sad that people really don't seem to believe there are still people who don't believe in infidelity. Who actually think is it very very very wrong. It's also disgusting. Who the hell cheats on someone they love, respect and also like?

I can't even lie to my DH about something really small like the price I paid for something or whether or not I took the dog for a walk in the rain. My conscience would never allow me to do anything as awful as cheat

Mystraightenersarebroken · 11/06/2019 17:59

You just don't get it do you mydog?

(I'm not going to waste any time trying to explain)

Antigon · 11/06/2019 18:42

I didn't say that everyone cheats. I said that you can never know that your partner will never cheat. That doesn't mean I condone cheating or think everyone cheats.

Don't worry I definitely will be going to my grave safe in the knowledge I was not cheated on as will DH.

And yet you chose not to have kids partly because you feared it would spoil your relationship. That doesn't sound like a very secure marriage.

TheStuffedPenguin · 12/06/2019 07:01

You have a weird idea of how and why people end up cheating but as someone else said , why waste time with someone who would not risk having children in case it affected her relationship . I actually have 2 ex family members in your same situation and they are two of the most boring ,self obsessed ,selfish ,obnoxious people in the world - whispering to each other all the time . You really don't get it - NO ONE controls another person's reactions .

mydogisthebest · 12/06/2019 09:42

Mystraighteners, what do I need to get exactly? It's you that doesn't get the fact that I know my DH would never cheat

Antigon, ONE of the reasons we didn't want children was because we didn't want our relationship ruined. We were actually advised by our best man's nan not to have any if we wanted to stay as happy as we were.

We are still as happy, probably even happier and although that may have be the case if we had children it may well not. Having seen just about all of my friends divorce and most of them blame it on having children I am glad we didn't have any. But I am also glad we didn't have any because of all the worrying I would have done about them. I am also glad because of the state of the world today and the future any child would likely face with the threats of climate change, food shortages, water shortages etc.

Nothing whatsoever to do with not having a secure relationship. But if your bitter little mind wants to think that then go ahead.

We have a totally secure and happy marriage. Lots of people think we must have only been married a short time and are amazed when we say 40 years. We hold hands all the time, cuddle all the time. We are still very much in love.

StuffedPenguin, I never said I control DH's reactions did I? I know him inside out and know how he feels about cheating. I don't get where the digs about not having children come in. Surely anyone who had a really happy relationship and didn't want anything to change it would think twice about having children? Anyway, as I said above, that wasn't the only reason or even the main one.

I don't think me or DH are boring or self obsessed but maybe you would. I wouldn't really care.

I don't know or care how or why people end up cheating. I do know though that it is wrong and immoral. The problem today is that too many people don't have morals. Cheating is almost accepted. People who cheat say ridiculous things like "I never meant it to happen" like your clothes fly off and you find yourself in bed with someone by accident!

Me and DH took our marriage vows seriously and it's a shame more don't. Neither of us believe in divorce (we said "till death do us part") although I guess if we had been unhappy enough along the way we would have split up but we would not have divorced. Neither of us would ever remarry as we believe you marry once only

womenspeakout · 12/06/2019 09:50

No, it's not strange to not suspect, they were just like you and truly believed they knew who they were married to.

Ironic you use that phrase, 'I can read my husband like a book' there's a long standing thread and the OP whose husband was cheating has said basically that, that they can read him like a book, but still he kept that from her.

You clearly believe you are on a moral high horse, that's fine, but it's a long way to fall from such a high, high horse.
To me though, you just seem awfully naive.

RiversDisguise · 12/06/2019 11:23

We have a totally secure and happy marriage.

So does everyone, until they don't.

I believe I can read my husband like a crisps packet but I don't know myself inside out, let alone any other fucker, including him.

U2HasTheEdge · 12/06/2019 12:04

The naivety of people who believe with 100% conviction their partner will never cheat. The divorce courts are full of people who said the same.

I have had no reason to doubt my husband. I can't imagine him cheating on me. However, he is human and I can't see into the future. It isn't something that worries me or I really think about, but I am not so naive to think that I can say with 100% certainty that it will never happen.

People change, situations change. You never really know anyone, probably not even yourself. You know what people want you to know.

People who have previously vowed never to cheat because they think it is morally wrong quite likely believed it at the time. It's very easy for some people to rewrite history and justify why their cheating is acceptable though.

You just need to look at all the threads on MN from people who have been cheated on, who said the same as mydog. You don't have a special insight into your husband that they didn't have.

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