Would you resume this relationship?

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

DP of 5 years. We have 1 DC together (3yo) and I have 4 DC from previous marriage.

Relationship always a bit up and down. He would regularly lie to me about little things and could never really stick a job(great catch, I know 🙄)

2 years ago he got a job that was ideal for him but hardly paid and he was working 50+ hours. It caused so many arguments and in the end he drifted away from us. Spent more time at work.

October 2017 I got diagnosed with breast cancer. Horrible scary time, I had chemo x6, radiotherapy, double mastectomy and hysterectomy. He was a complete letdown during this time. He left on numerous occasions. Would leave me after chemo to go to parties etc. He was awful. He last left in feb 2019, after my hysterectomy. I told him via email that I would no longer accept this and he either stayed and tried to make a go of it or didn’t come back. He chose the latter.

FF 3 months and I’m doing great. Enjoying being single, most of my mental health problems have disappeared. I’m coping
With FT work and childcare, which I never thought I would be.

He got wind that I had been on a few online dates and went potty. He said he has finally realised what he lost etc etc.

It’s been 3 weeks of madness, he has been crying, unable to get up, has not gone into his work. He has now been prescribed anti. D for which I think is for his underlying MH issues where he buries his head in the sand, denies it all and makes up lies to cover his back.

But now he is recognising all of this and all that he has put me though. He wants to change and be better for me and the DC. He has done a complete 360 with his thinking.

My issue is, it’s a constant reminder of that horrible time in my life when I really needed him and he was a twat. I feel resentful that he is being the person I needed then, now. I feel like I would be on edge if I ever
Needed him again. He wants to work through all of this. Go to counselling etc etc. Even said he’d get a new job.

I do love him. I am a stronger, more resilient person now, So would you risk it again?

Absolutely anyone knows that a partner with a serious illness needs the healthy one to step up, be supportive, make sacrifices etc and do anything to help them get better

He can try to blame his MH but unless he has paranoid delusions or something like that; he made his choices in his right mind and his was to leave you high and dry

He did it once, he'll do it again. If you had a recurrence, he would piss off. If there was another crisis or emergency; he will act again in his selfish own interest

And as someone who has had severe and untreated depression, even at the worst I would not do this to a partner

No. No. No.
He has let you down badly before OP when you really needed it - who's to say that is not going to happy again.

Don't let him in.

He was not there in your hard times and he does not deserve to be here in your better times.

You deserve more and tbh by the sounds of it maybe a little narcisstic. As they try to come back when you move on kind of thing. He deserves nobody, he had his time to prove his worth and all he did was let you down.

NOPE!! do NOT have him back- he is clearly manipulating you, and will continue the sweet-talk until you take him back, then act like an asshat again as soon as its a done deal-
stay far, far, Far FAR away from this complete knob!
so glad you are feeling better though!

That's a no from me!

hell no. Some things can't be forgiven. Many can, but not how he behaved. I wouldn't want to know about the crying all the time etc. Not your problem. You've got a job to hold down and a family to look after.

It shouldn’t take someone loosing you and the prospect of you moving on for them to realise your worth. Find someone who can see it and appreciate it.

How are you op? I really hope you told the callous twat who abandoned you when you were sick to get lost.

Fuck no. You're insane if you let this bellend back in to your life... And you know it.

If he behaved like that during breast cancer, I wouldn't be able to trust him again.
I couldn't believe it when I read your post as I am going through something similar and my dh has really disappointed me too. Men are just dicks sometimes.

Has anyone said no?

OP how is it even a consideration?

Someone who was sincere about changing would be trying to find ways to make it up to you by finding ways to offer support and making clear that they were putting you first because they owe it and not with sny expectations of reward. (I still don't think there's a way back from that kind of betrayal). He seems to be placing additional burdens on you and making it all about him and his needs, which doesn't suggest that he's learnt anything.

Nah. No point. Also, taking him back will model self-defeating behaviour to your kids, which will impact on their ability to form healthy relationships when older. You feel strong, you feel happy: don't throw yourself down a physical, emotional & mental (& probably financial) drain.

No way.
Please don’t go back to him - and I thought my ex was bad (and I was tempted to go back but I didn’t thankfully) but yours is worse x1000.
If you still think you’ll be sucked back in, I think you need to stay on this thread and have us for moral support!