Would you resume this relationship?

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

DP of 5 years. We have 1 DC together (3yo) and I have 4 DC from previous marriage.

Relationship always a bit up and down. He would regularly lie to me about little things and could never really stick a job(great catch, I know 🙄)

2 years ago he got a job that was ideal for him but hardly paid and he was working 50+ hours. It caused so many arguments and in the end he drifted away from us. Spent more time at work.

October 2017 I got diagnosed with breast cancer. Horrible scary time, I had chemo x6, radiotherapy, double mastectomy and hysterectomy. He was a complete letdown during this time. He left on numerous occasions. Would leave me after chemo to go to parties etc. He was awful. He last left in feb 2019, after my hysterectomy. I told him via email that I would no longer accept this and he either stayed and tried to make a go of it or didn’t come back. He chose the latter.

FF 3 months and I’m doing great. Enjoying being single, most of my mental health problems have disappeared. I’m coping
With FT work and childcare, which I never thought I would be.

He got wind that I had been on a few online dates and went potty. He said he has finally realised what he lost etc etc.

It’s been 3 weeks of madness, he has been crying, unable to get up, has not gone into his work. He has now been prescribed anti. D for which I think is for his underlying MH issues where he buries his head in the sand, denies it all and makes up lies to cover his back.

But now he is recognising all of this and all that he has put me though. He wants to change and be better for me and the DC. He has done a complete 360 with his thinking.

My issue is, it’s a constant reminder of that horrible time in my life when I really needed him and he was a twat. I feel resentful that he is being the person I needed then, now. I feel like I would be on edge if I ever
Needed him again. He wants to work through all of this. Go to counselling etc etc. Even said he’d get a new job.

I do love him. I am a stronger, more resilient person now, So would you risk it again?

You need to raise the bar. You can do better and deserve so much better.

You've been through the mill but come out the other side, do you think he's changed?

Or is he likely to let you down all over again?

It would be a tragic mistake to sabotage your life and your children’s lives by reuniting with this man.

I haven't RTFT but NO NO NO OP.

Please please please don't go back to him- he wasn't there when you needed him most and that won't change.

It’s about the connection we have bla bla bla

Well it's not like you were having much of a connection when you actually needed him by your side when you were going through cancer. It's so nice he's now remembered your connection now you're all better and he knows you've started dating again

No. Another emergency and he'd be off. I know it will hurt but the next time around it'll be even worse - you could have spent the intervening time looking for someone who supports and loves you

Nope.
Nah.
Negatory.

A complete 360 brings you back where you started.

You have just told us that everything is better without him - your mh is better. That should scream volumes!

Heres a question: how are the dc doing since he has gone?

Hes a fairweather friend which is bad enough in a friend, unacceptable in a partner.

NOT A CHANCE!

Where was he when you needed emotional and physical support at your life's biggest medical crisis? Out partying selfishly

Where was he when your baby and children needed a strong parent during chemotherapy? Out behaving like a teenager

He was not there for you during your terrible illness so how could you ever trust him to be there in the future? He doesn't seem to have come back for love but because others are interested in you - he sees you as a possession that he "owns" rather than a person with feelings and needs. Strange that he was less concerned at your potential death than a few internet dates. It still sounds to be all about him!

My guess if you give in and have him back that there will be a brief honeymoon phase where he is on his best behaviour but within a few months he will return to him selfish ways and you will be back to where you were before he left.

NOPE!

What connection did you have with him while he partied when you were going thru cancer treatments??
No
never
Nope
You find out who someone truly is when you go through the toughest time in life
This man runs away that's who he is
His current words don't change his actions and they certainly won't change the past.
Taking him back only shows him he can get away with same shit again if the going gets tough.

NO WAY. The way he's feeling now isn't not your concern. Contact with him should be limited to discussing your child, nothing else, not your dating, not his MH, not his work, nothing. Do not let him crush you again.

'is not your concern'

No

Do you know something happened quite distressing a few months ago to my 11 year old , something else happened to another child at our home at the time that suddenly needed to take priority. It did because my 11 year old has the maturity to know sometimes what others need is more important.

He was never there for you or your children when they needed someone.

His timing speaks volumes . It’s that not wanting someone else to have you . Why? Because you are amazing , doing amazing and deserve someone to treat you as you deserve.

No I wouldn't get back with him tbh like you said he wasn't there for you! And he can say he wants to change and go to counselling and realises what he lost but it's just words and his previous actions have shown otherwise. You're doing great don't let him set you back :)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He let you down constantly through one of your hardest times, when it really mattered. He has alreadyshown you that he is a total cunt. You did not have the luxury to fall apart then. Put yourself first. You deserve it!

He got wind that I had been on a few online dates and went potty. He said he has finally realised what he lost etc

Ah so he’s realised you’re moving on and he doesn’t like! How convenient! it He’s trying to assert some authority. He’s manipulating you!

Agree with the whole world. NO!!!!! Big fat Nooooooooos.

I would run a mile. Do you know why the bar is set so low for you? (asking kindly)

He wants to change and be better

He can do that for himself. Has he actually made any changes yet or is he still at the pity-party stage?

Even said he’d get a new job.

Again, what's stopping him from doing that now? Actions speak louder than words.

I think you'll find that if you turn him down, the tears will very quickly turn to anger. I would move on and not look back.

I definitely wouldn't have him back.

Don't do it!

also everything he’s promising me now is what I wanted before

That's why he's saying it. He's playing you. Don't do it!

How are the kids doing?.

He is just saying what you want to hear as he can see you are better without him.