Normal to have doubts?

[MiCFAN]

Anyone been in this situation that can help?
Started seeing someone recently, at the start seemed amazing and now 4m down the line, I have niggles.
He's very full on
Sends me quotes and declares undying love
I only see him weekends because of our work and we said later down the line we can see each other more
Not sure I miss him as much as I used to?
He texts stuff like miss you can't wait to hold you
I just have this sick feeling like it's not meant to be
I can't put my finger on it
He's not done anything in particular apart from constant texts and declarations of love that I'm trying to see if is a red flag
My ex wasnt very nice and was an on off relationship for 4yrs that I don't even feel over him
I thought by seeing someone the time was right
I feel on paper we work but I can't shake off this feeling
He annoys me by saying
He will always be there for me
No one can guarantee that and the ones who have always leave in the end?
I just don't know what to do
I feel like my heart isn't in it
I feel awful and my friends have said see how things go it's early days but I also don't want to pro long anything
I just feel so confused
I've got myself a bit upset and I have this pain of anxiety
Can anyone help? Thanks for reading x

Go with your gut, if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right.

But I am also insecure I think from my past (my ex completely broke my heart) and I think I have my walls up so high ( which he knows) and I almost feel like where I spent some time on my own I feel I've made myself a bit cold
I feel different now and I kind of miss that feeling

Big red flags OP, I agree with PP that you should end this.

If he feels you have walls then why is he trying to batter them down with his declarations rather than giving you the time and space to learn to trust him?

What's the big red flag, his full on ness ? See he's very attentive and charming and I liked it at first and I even reciprocated
He must know I have backed off because I text less
But we can't go a couple of hours without him texting so I do things like don't reply straight away like I used to otherwise I find my self in a long text conversation and I hate texting so much

Go with your gut as pp said and work on your happy, that's the most important advice I can give you in this situation and if you're not happy cut him loose, I also think you should be honest with him and tell him he's too full on (if that is how you feel, it's how your post reads to me) 4 months is a bit quick for the kind of messages he's sending you imo.

Too much too soon I guess that's why you feel off.

@Casmama that's true...fair point. He's known from the beginning
He constantly says ' what do you want from me ' ' tell me what you want' when we are in the moment and it's so off putting!
I've had nothing from bad ex's, a regular on here and see awful men all the time so I feel bad because he hasn't actually done anything
Do I talk to him about my anxious feelings ? I feel down and low in general atm but more trauma from my past which isn't his fault is it?
I feel like I'm thinking of this feelings more at the mo, when actually my head is telling me to look after myself ! Something I've learned to do the past year
Is it wrong some weekend I just want ME time? To have a bath, to watch tv, something I do not have time to do mid week ( he works shifts ) and when I do see him weekends he sometimes has to work so we have an evening then he is up at 5am and all I want is a lie in which I don't get when he stays ! This weekend I have a chance to lay in - sounds like I'm so boring I know and he wants to stay over for 2 nights instead of the one and I just would rather have 1 night to myself 😞

Just cancel with him this weekend. Why do you even have to meet every weekend?

You don't OWE him anything. If you want a weekend day/night to yourself - have it! his wants don't trump yours.

He sounds like he could be lovebombing, which can quickly turn to controlling. Be wary. End it if it feels right to do so. Please do not tell him of your anxeties, controlling men will use this as an in, under the guise of caring.

Because we don't see each other in the week so weekends just always have done
We've made plans this weekend already
Yeah I know, I just don't get much time to myself as by the time I finish work, it's late and I don't stay up late as I'm up so early next day
I'm always tired and drained from work so he doesn't come over in the week because of that
I wanted to take it slow so said weekends only as he was ok with that
Because if I cancel this weekend it's then 2 weeks since we've seen each other and I guess that's not right for people who have just started dating ?
He always comes to mine as he house shares with 3 other guys
I've been there but it's just a room and I have my own flat and I feel like a teenager when I am there !

Maybe your just not ready, and that's ok. If your not feeling it for whatever reason (his over bearing or your insecurities) it doesn't really matter. You can knock it on the head if that's what you want to do without feeling guilty or anxious about your decision - it's your decision to make on what's right for you right now.

Sounds like he's smothering you a bit and you just want space. Like another poster said, you don't owe him anything.

If it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right. Maybe just suggest some time apart or you just want to have a weekend to yourself and see how you feel.

Sounds like you are already withdrawing emotionally but your brain hasn't caught up yet.

Because we don't see each other in the week so weekends just always have done

So What?

We've made plans this weekend already

Cancel them

Seriously? Are you going by "what you think you should do"?

That's no way to enjoy a relationship.

Well yeah course, I hate cancelling plans and wouldn't want someone to treat me like that
I do like him that's the thing.
I'm just confused atm
Yes it is a bit much and he seems like a love sick teenager and it's very over powering
Something I'm not used to
I honestly feel like if he backed off it would give us a chance
Yeah I know I don't owe him anything. I just feel it's gone too quick and I feel a bit smothered
Ok a lot. I didn't think I would end up missing my ex like I do
He wasn't nice and I wouldn't ever talk to him again but he's the 1st person I've met since my ex
We were together a while and went through a lot
That's exactly how I feel
My brain and my emotions are not on the same level at all that's it spot on....I feel a bit uneasy
Thank you I'm going to get some sleep and sleep on it
Thanks everyone

But you can also just do the 1 day that was agreed upon and not the 2 that he is insisting on. You have a right to your boundaries.

From reading your posts I think you could do with a bit of time being single and figuring out your life, before you enter into another relationship.

His puppy-dog love is not your fault and you are not required to continue down this road, just because he feels like this. In all likelihood you'll end up resenting him and yourself if you don't start to respect your own boundaries.

You don't owe him anything as other posters have said. If you are not happy then stop. You deserve your own personal time. You have got out of a 4 year relationship, it's going to be hard being with someone different for a while. I had the same, you need some time by yourself I think to just get to know yourself and what you want again. A healthy relationship should add to your life, not subtract in any way.

This was exactly me just over a year ago.
Nothing wrong with the guy.
Nice. We worked well on paper.
Would do anything for me.
But it just wasn't right for me.
I ended it after 4 months.
He took it badly but I'm happily single and have been ever since.

Can you have a weekend to yourself to think it through? Make an excuse not to see him so you don’t rock the boat then reassess after that?

Yeah that is true
And I wouldn't say he is even insisting he just 'assumes'
Says things like oh great we can make a weekend of it and stuff like that c

You sound like you are trying to convince yourself to be in this relationship OP. Just because he is a nice enough bloke does not mean that you have to continue seeing him if it is not right for you. It seems like you are overwhelmed by him and going along with it because it is how you "should" feel four months in, but you don't feel comfortable with the intensity that he is displaying and that is OK too. If it doesn't feel right for you, move on.

Would he be willing to see you one evening midweek and then have the weekend to yourself, how much of his being in your flat every weekend is to get space from his houseshare situation?

Such good advice !
I think you are right though
I know it's a complete cop out but I am going to see him this weekend to see how I feel....
I know that's bad and I should cancel but the thing is I'm really not sure ! I felt it last time he was over then when he was here I felt like I enjoyed his company so I just want to make sure im making the right decision

I would just be honest and talk to him and ask him to tone it down a bit.

Have you thought it might feel off because being with assholes feels normal to you so being with .a normal guy would feel strange?

This guy is there for you. You don't have to struggle or pine or deal with hot and cold behaviour. You're not always having to prove how much you care like you do in toxic relationships.

Just ask him to tone it down a bit and seek out some therapy for yourself.

And also what stresses me is that every evening we have got into a routine of talking on the phone, it can be hours and I would just like to not be on my phone and maybe watch some telly! Yes he could come over an evening it's just I feel in my own routine of work and I sometimes have to plan my work the evening before so by the time I've done that I just want to relax
He however doesn't have a house to see to, lives in a rook and often
' just chills' and ' lays in bed' watching tv in his room
I however feel like I'm always rushing to do something and just feel like he's texting all the time asking what I'm up to babe etc
Just grates on me