Normal to have doubts?

[MiCFAN]

Anyone been in this situation that can help?
Started seeing someone recently, at the start seemed amazing and now 4m down the line, I have niggles.
He's very full on
Sends me quotes and declares undying love
I only see him weekends because of our work and we said later down the line we can see each other more
Not sure I miss him as much as I used to?
He texts stuff like miss you can't wait to hold you
I just have this sick feeling like it's not meant to be
I can't put my finger on it
He's not done anything in particular apart from constant texts and declarations of love that I'm trying to see if is a red flag
My ex wasnt very nice and was an on off relationship for 4yrs that I don't even feel over him
I thought by seeing someone the time was right
I feel on paper we work but I can't shake off this feeling
He annoys me by saying
He will always be there for me
No one can guarantee that and the ones who have always leave in the end?
I just don't know what to do
I feel like my heart isn't in it
I feel awful and my friends have said see how things go it's early days but I also don't want to pro long anything
I just feel so confused
I've got myself a bit upset and I have this pain of anxiety
Can anyone help? Thanks for reading x

@RantyAnty YES definitely!!!
My last boyf would always walk out..for days..would sulk.. refuse to talk to me...calling me a cunt, had really bad tempers
Would hardly text me at all
So this guy is a nice normal guy well apart from my niggles with him lol so yes I do think I'm just not used to it

He can be a decent guy and not the right guy for you. Nothing’s especially ringing alarm bells - he is a bit full-on but at 4 months that could be fine with someone you were into - I’d love “can’t wait to hold you” at that point from someone I felt the same about. Also I’d take any opportunity to make one night into two.

So I think he’s more into you than you’re into him and that’s ok. You don’t have to stay with him because of that. You can leave if you’re not feeling it without anyone’s permission.

Just because he's different to your last boyfriend doesn't mean he's right for you. Don't make that mistake.

@Michaelbaubles yes exactly you are spot on. Everyone is and has given me such good advice.
And the thing is I do like him just struggle when he says things like forever

Yes, just ask him to tone it down. If you don't want to stay on the phone for hours just talk how ever long you want and then tell him you have to go.

He doesn't have to be your forever guy but it might give you a good experience of what it feels like to have a normal relationship. Also a good experience in asking for what you want and speaking up for yourself, and setting boundaries.

He sounds like my ex . He would call me for hours every evening .. until I entered the discard phase then suddenly he was too busy (lovebomhing someone else ) he was constantly asking me “ what do you want from me “ but I also discovered he was saying that to at least two other women .. I’m not saying your new man is an abusive cockwomble but he does sound s not full on tbh and I think you have to go with your gut

I absolutely adore my DH, been together for years (one of those couple who look like they spend all their time together) but everyone needs space and good boundaries.

Read a bit of Brene Brown or watch her TED talks. She is good on boundaries and things. Very funny too!

Yeah I have started to do exactly that and to be honest he has respected it
I don't want him him feel I don't like him coz like I say I do
That's exactly it I don't know if he is my forever guy
He says he wants a house with me
To marry me and it's just too much! I will try talking to him and see how it goes down

He says he wants a house with me

Be careful he is not trying to move in by stealth OP, it seems a bit much for 4 months in and seeing each other only at the weekend. Just don't be rushed because he is on paper "better" than other partners.

Hmm this is the thing
I lost a lot of money from my ex and he got me into debt so I'm so cautious now
He often talks about staying more and would love to get a house with me but me in my 30's been there and done it got stung I wanna protect myself now

You just aren't on the same page and don't have compatible expectations of a relationship.

Neither party has to be "wrong" in order for one of them to end the relationship.

Your original post is basically a list of things he does that you don't like.

He's allowed to do those things and you're allowed to not like them and therefore to end it.

He might be lovely but you simply don't feel how he does, so end it - put him out of his misery and save yourself a lot of stress.

hi op "once bitten twice shy" comes to mind. maybe because of your last relationship you are now very cautious and more guarded where as new guy is jumping in with both feet! it's not unusual after 4months to discuss future plans like buying a house,having kids etc but he is very keen and probably never had the wake up call like you've had in your last relationship....that not everything always turns out as expected. You are right to be a bit more cautious and take your time but be open and explain to new guy that you do still really like him but want to take things a little slower. Me and my hubby got engaged after 3 months and married the year after....we were both quick movers and if we want something we go for it....but you need to find a mutual pace so you don't feel like it's all getting too serious too soon and at the same time he doesn't feel like it's going nowhere! good luck

Ah thanks for your post
I'm torn between ending it or seeing how it goes ? I know someone said to put him out his misery but hardly feel im being mean by keep seeing him
Surely it takes time to get to know someone
And yes sometimes things can move quickly I just don't want that

Sorry posted too quick
I don't want that because i just want to take my time and know he is genuine
It's so hard I feel so torn and even the advice is making me think twice if he really is the one for me
Not even the forever guy even the right now guy?
Obviously I care about his feelings but I also don't want to waste time
I jus feel anxious and a bit stressed
He's just texted saying he can't wait to give me cuddles
And I'm just like meh
But I also feel like it's just predictable
Like I go out with my friends and he picks me up
He doesn't really go out and never has since we met
My ex was opposite and I know u should be grateful but he says things like he doesn't need to go out with his mates when he could seeing me
He's not controlling but when I do go out he makes sure he's my taxi
Oh I dunno heads all over the place
Writing it out makes me feel awful
Like I do want my boyfriend to do that and care but just seems a bit much

** You said:

Surely it takes time to get to know someone

Absolutely which is why talking about wanting to live together, get married etc is extremely unusual, rarely ends well and if you don't feel the same your expectations are incompatible.

He doesn't need time, he's all in.

It's moving too quickly for you and that would be the same for the majority of people.

I know some brilliant couples who were besotted instantly and had marriage / pregnancy within a year. Because they were both feeling the same way from the start.

You aren't feeling the same way after a month. This is his communication style, it doesn't suit you.

Doesn't make either of you wrong, just not right for each other.

You're literally constant listing the things he does that you don't like and are making you anxious.

You aren't taking on board any posts really. Nevermind!

No your completely wrong !
I have taken on board the advice
The advice i have been given is extremely helpful and hence why I have replied saying Thank you
Just because I don't go off and immediately do what some have advised doesn't mean I'm not taking it on board
This is for people to talk things through get opinions and help not make statements like you just have

I just feel anxious and a bit stressed
I know u should be grateful

You need to read what you just wrote OP, this is making you anxious and stressed, just four months in when it should be still exciting and fun filled.

He doesn't really go out and never has since we met and but he says things like he doesn't need to go out with his mates when he could seeing me. He's not controlling but when I do go out he makes sure he's my taxi is raising a bit of a red flag for me, the making you the centre of everything is essentially making you responsible for his happiness, one of the very early indicators of a relationship that could turn abusive, be wary.

Does he insist on collecting you from meeting your friends, what would he do if you just shared a taxi with them instead?

@ChuckleBuckles yes he does and I don't go out very often
More for the odd drinks with girls one Saturday afternoon
He is adamant he will collect me saying he doesn't want me getting a taxi and wants to know I'm sad etc
It's not just one thing it's just all small things adding up which has lead me to posting, not making a list of things I don't like about him

What is you emotion when he rings you in the evening? The honest initial feeling.

When we speak in the evenings he will talk for 3-4 hours so I've had to cut that down. Some nights it's gone 8 when I get home and need to have dinner bath etc so when I go speak to him it's nice but what emotion? I don't know

I mean when you see his name come up on the screen. Is it pleasure or indifference?

Oh I see oh no I like talking to him and it's not like I dislike him just a feeling like it's a bit much in a nutshell
Feel like we are not on the same page I guess

I think you should, perhaps say just that to him.

Good luck

Definitely keep on seeing this guy whilst internally hating him

You want others to confirm what you already know.