How should I handle this?

[PearlOfWhirl]

Last year I met an amazing guy who has completely rocked my world. We quickly became best friends and, if I’m honest, I developed feelings for him from the start. He has a girlfriend who he lives with but no children. His girlfriend has a chronic illness and he is committed to her, they own a flat together, etc.

I suspect he feels the same way about me but I don’t know.

Over the months we have had lots of talks about relationships and I have let a few things slip over time. Actually I haven’t let things slip, I just haven’t lied to him if he digs for info. So now he suspects that there is a mystery person who I am attracted to. I change the subject whenever he brings it up.

Last time we chatted he said he knows that something is up and he wants to get to the bottom of it.

I’m very torn. I have strong feelings for this man and don’t want to:

• ruin our friendship
• interfere in his relationship. He feels very responsible for his girlfriend.
• get hurt
• humiliate myself.

Do I give in and tell him how I feel? Do I just suck it up and continue to try to bury my feelings for him and stay friends?

I’m concerned that there’s no good solution. If I tell him how I feel about him and he feels the same way and we get together after he splits up with his girlfriend then the relationship would be beset with his guilt over his girlfriend.

I’m also scared that he might just laugh at me.

I think I have convinced myself to keep it quiet but.....

What if he is feeling just as strongly about me and we both want to be together?

I should add that he’s not very confident with women and it’s totally possible that he’s attracted to me but thinks that I’m not remotely interested in him.

Or is he fully aware and enjoying an ego boost?

What should I do?

I agree with you PicsInRed if someone was saying I’m a genuinely kind person or something. I was trying to get across that I really wanted help to understand this.

Here's a short explanation of ego boosts for you, OP:

Your blatant, doe eyed attraction to him makes him feel better about himself. It helps him to justify how rugged and attractive and fanciable he is.

It is not about you. It's nothing to do with how he feels about you. You are just a tool used to reinforce his ego.

OhShitItsAMouse, I have done those things.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to know that guys like to line up a row of women that they string along. My (other) male friends aren’t like that. Also this ego boost thing. Of course I have heard of it but I just didn’t understand the appeal of it.

You don’t need to understand it. You know everything you need to - he has a girlfriend

Thanks for the explanation ralphfromlordoftheflies. It seems like a lot of effort on his part (hours upon hours of conversations, listening to me, supporting me) for very little return.

🙄 seems like you’re the one after the ego boost tbh.

If any of this is true. Which I doubt.

Oh fucking whatever then, carry on with the fantasy

You seem wilfully ignorant.

Crack on, let us all know how it turns out.

I think you’re probably right about the ego boost.

I’ve come on here for your thoughts and I appreciate them. I’m not fixed in my position. This current situation feels absolutely shit so I’m veered willing to see it from another/a clearer perspective.

Very not veered.

You sound very young, and very immature.

The man has a girlfriend, back off!

Ever heard the term plenty more fish in the sea?

What situation? You fancy a bloke who is already in a long term relationship. Remove yourself from the ‘situation’

I’m sure he will get over you ghosting him.
If he’s really upset about it then he can go home and cry on his girlfriends shoulder 🙄

What is his girlfriends “chronic health condition”?

Or let me guess, he hasn’t shared that with you?

seems like you’re the one after the ego boost tbh.

Nail meet head.

Ugh.

If he’s a sleazy cheat then surely you wouldn’t tell the woman you want to shag that you would never cheat?
It's a classic play. You're clearly the only one ever who could ever make him helpless to the deep and meaningful true love you share.
It's not a shag, it's destiny.

Guaranteed to reel you in even more

If he were truly interested in you he’d leave her, especially if he’d sensed your keenness (which he probably has). It looks like he just wants a side piece, therefore. I wouldn’t stand for that OP.