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Original poster

How should I handle this?

118 replies

PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 19:47

Last year I met an amazing guy who has completely rocked my world. We quickly became best friends and, if I’m honest, I developed feelings for him from the start. He has a girlfriend who he lives with but no children. His girlfriend has a chronic illness and he is committed to her, they own a flat together, etc.

I suspect he feels the same way about me but I don’t know.

Over the months we have had lots of talks about relationships and I have let a few things slip over time. Actually I haven’t let things slip, I just haven’t lied to him if he digs for info. So now he suspects that there is a mystery person who I am attracted to. I change the subject whenever he brings it up.

Last time we chatted he said he knows that something is up and he wants to get to the bottom of it.

I’m very torn. I have strong feelings for this man and don’t want to:

  • ruin our friendship
  • interfere in his relationship. He feels very responsible for his girlfriend.
  • get hurt
  • humiliate myself.

Do I give in and tell him how I feel? Do I just suck it up and continue to try to bury my feelings for him and stay friends?

I’m concerned that there’s no good solution. If I tell him how I feel about him and he feels the same way and we get together after he splits up with his girlfriend then the relationship would be beset with his guilt over his girlfriend.

I’m also scared that he might just laugh at me.

I think I have convinced myself to keep it quiet but.....

What if he is feeling just as strongly about me and we both want to be together?

I should add that he’s not very confident with women and it’s totally possible that he’s attracted to me but thinks that I’m not remotely interested in him.

Or is he fully aware and enjoying an ego boost?

What should I do?

OP posts:
Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 20:37

I presume she knows that I exist. I haven’t met her.

So she doesnt know you exist.

He won't be getting as much attention as he wants with her being ill. So he is stringing you along so he gets the attention he wants

He is using you, might even shag you. He is being a shit to her too.

Why would you want someone like this?

Topical · 28/05/2019 20:38

Sooooo he must have told you about how him & the girlfriend doesn’t have sex right?

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:38

But you know he really cares about her? What, osmotically?

Ha! I have presumed that he does because he seems like a nice guy and they have been together for a long time. He must care about her to have bought a house with her and set up home with her. Also because he never says a bad word about her.

OP posts:
OldUnit · 28/05/2019 20:38

You'll do what you do, people always do but you'll end up hurt. He won't CHOOSE you.

Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 20:38

No I think you should end the friendship.

You will either become the OW, he wont leave her.

Or she will find out and assume you are having an affair

Either way the friendship ends, younger hurt and she gets hurt.

Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 20:39

you get hurt

PicsInRed · 28/05/2019 20:40

He was saying it in a way as if to say it was a nightmare and unwanted interest.

...and then SURPRISE you're different to those other girls and he's fucking you.
Except you're not different.
He's a shagger (they aren't all hot, some shaggers are gross but manipulative).

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:40

He’s not mentioned his sex life but I get the impression that he is having sex with her.

OP posts:
OldUnit · 28/05/2019 20:40

There isn't a friendship to protect.

It's all an illusion. You'll find that out once he's shagged you and you start to become a 'problem'.

Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 20:40

He must care about her to have bought a house with her and set up home with her. Also because he never says a bad word about her.

Or maybe he knows because of her illness he can fuck around all she wants and she is likely to stay with him.

Read the relationship boards. Lots of women who are ill, stat with men who treat them like shit because they are ill and rely on them for help or finances.

Topical · 28/05/2019 20:41

And yet you still want him Hmm

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:42

I don’t want to get hurt. I’ve had enough of getting hurt in the past.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 28/05/2019 20:43

Should I deny it to protect the friendship?

🤔🤣

What "friendship", OP?
He's a manipulative shagger, manipulating the next shag.

crochetandshit · 28/05/2019 20:44

Well of course he never says a bad word about her, he can't have you thinking he'd be open to leaving her.

He's already setting up the end of your (blatantly obviously) eventual shagging with the "operation in the summer" because he's just soooo caring he'll have to devote himself to her then once he's had what he wants from you.

To be perfectly honest op, I'm doubting that she has any health issues at all.
I think the op is her due date.

Topical · 28/05/2019 20:45

So how do you see this playing out? You and him confessing your love forever to each other and him leaving the girlfriend? Or you being his bit on the side so when he’s bored of you, he can play the my girlfriend is sick card and get rid of you? Do you have self esteem issues?

PixieDust26 · 28/05/2019 20:45

Does she actually have a chronic illness though or has he made that up? 🤨

ilovewine4ever · 28/05/2019 20:46

He's sticking it in her. Then sticking it in you. Nice sharing. He has a girlfriend can't u just you know?? Find your own man?? Be a woman and stop getting in between relationships?? The fact she's ill and your letting him do it to her is just disgusting

AnyFucker · 28/05/2019 20:46

Hey

We see you, Pearl.

We see this bloke too who, if he decided to crook his little cock finger at you, would be an even worse shit than you are

Don't be that person, and don't enable him to do it either

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:46

He’s never cheated on a partner. He tells me that he’s massively against cheating. He said that, for him, if there’s cheating then the relationship is over. I don’t know if he means if he does it or just if his partner does it! When he’s heard about other people cheating he has been really really disapproving.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/05/2019 20:47

You are quite ridiculous

OldUnit · 28/05/2019 20:49

Oh my god. You're not believing these lines he's trotting out, are you?

They're textbook. Grin

sincethereis · 28/05/2019 20:49

You need to sit down and talk to him

Ur going get a bashing because it’s MH and people are ultra sensitive to anything to do with new gf/wives/partners/moms.

He sounds like a really nice, caring guy. The situation is obviously a bit more difficult with the girlfriend being ill and him feeling responsible but if you sit down and talk you can really find a way to work things out Smile

Runkle · 28/05/2019 20:49

LOL yeah cheats hate cheats because it gives cheats a bad name. Sorry OP but he's played a blinder here, scripted perfectly. Tell me, who would play you all in the film?

Topical · 28/05/2019 20:49

How can he come right out and ask you how you feel about him and tell you how he feels about you?? Doesn’t that contradict what you just said about him re the cheating?

Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 20:49

You think he would admit it?

You can not be that naive.

How can you even be friends with him when you havent met the person he shares his life with?

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