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Original poster

How should I handle this?

118 replies

PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 19:47

Last year I met an amazing guy who has completely rocked my world. We quickly became best friends and, if I’m honest, I developed feelings for him from the start. He has a girlfriend who he lives with but no children. His girlfriend has a chronic illness and he is committed to her, they own a flat together, etc.

I suspect he feels the same way about me but I don’t know.

Over the months we have had lots of talks about relationships and I have let a few things slip over time. Actually I haven’t let things slip, I just haven’t lied to him if he digs for info. So now he suspects that there is a mystery person who I am attracted to. I change the subject whenever he brings it up.

Last time we chatted he said he knows that something is up and he wants to get to the bottom of it.

I’m very torn. I have strong feelings for this man and don’t want to:

  • ruin our friendship
  • interfere in his relationship. He feels very responsible for his girlfriend.
  • get hurt
  • humiliate myself.

Do I give in and tell him how I feel? Do I just suck it up and continue to try to bury my feelings for him and stay friends?

I’m concerned that there’s no good solution. If I tell him how I feel about him and he feels the same way and we get together after he splits up with his girlfriend then the relationship would be beset with his guilt over his girlfriend.

I’m also scared that he might just laugh at me.

I think I have convinced myself to keep it quiet but.....

What if he is feeling just as strongly about me and we both want to be together?

I should add that he’s not very confident with women and it’s totally possible that he’s attracted to me but thinks that I’m not remotely interested in him.

Or is he fully aware and enjoying an ego boost?

What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:50

I don’t think she’s pregnant. I’m pretty sure he would have said.

I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to have sex with him and get dumped.

I’m definitely leaning towards going NC but as a PP said, that’s not being a very good friend to him, just disappearing on him.

OP posts:
OldUnit · 28/05/2019 20:51

You're completely deluded about what this actually is.

There is no 'real friendship'.

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:52

I think he wants me to tell him that I fancy him but he isn’t giving anything of himself.

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 28/05/2019 20:52

I mean, I would guess this is an almost entirely online friendship. Guessing you met via a game/hobby but most communication is online. He is playing you completely, it's ridiculous.

ilovewine4ever · 28/05/2019 20:54

Do u not feel bad?? For sleeping with a woman's bloke who has a chronic illness?

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:56

ilovewine4ever, I’m not sleeping with him. I haven’t even let on that I fancy him. We’re friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 20:57

What’s a real friendship? It feels like the best friendship I’ve ever had.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 28/05/2019 20:57

He's a self hating cheater.
🤣🤣🤣

Awww, this has to be a henhouse rumble, surely. No one's this daft. Or are OW this daft.
🤔

Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 20:58

I don’t think she’s pregnant. I’m pretty sure he would have said.

Why?

Let's be honest, you have no idea if your best friends girlfriend knows if you exist. You don't actually know if she is I'll. You have never met your 'best friends' girlfriend. You actually dont know if he has cheated (cheaters usually do hate cheating, they going to admit they shag around) because you dont know him

Yes she could be ill or pregnant. You have no idea. The operation would be a good excuse for him to disappear for while, when is actually a new father.

Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 20:58

What’s a real friendship? It feels like the best friendship I’ve ever had.

It's not. That's actually quite sad that you feel that way

How often do you actually see him?

AnyFucker · 28/05/2019 20:59

The only op his gf is having in the summer is a Caesarian Section

ThunderR0ad78 · 28/05/2019 20:59

Just move on. You fancy him, he's not available and you know that.
There is no dilemma! Good luck

SureTry · 28/05/2019 21:03

Is it an online friendship?

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 21:12

It’s not an online friendship. We know each other in real life.

OP posts:
Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 21:14

Is that a line then? Saying that he hates cheating? Why would he do that? If he’s a sleazy cheat then surely you wouldn’t tell the woman you want to shag that you would never cheat?

OP posts:
letstryanewone · 28/05/2019 21:15

In answer to your first question - if he felt the same way as you then it's his job to end it with his girlfriend BEFORE he finds out how you feel about him, not after.

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 21:17

I don’t think he’s brave enough to do that.

OP posts:
Rocketgirl1 · 28/05/2019 21:18

Didn’t you post about this before?

Rocketgirl1 · 28/05/2019 21:19

You said that if you declared your feelings he wouldn’t want to be friends with you any more.

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 21:20

No but I was inspired to from reading similar threads.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 28/05/2019 21:20

surely you wouldn’t tell the woman you want to shag that you would never cheat?

Sure you do.
The clever ones will roll their eyes out of their heads well I never liked that bitch anyway and the daft ones lap it up then think they're special when he chooses them to be his only-cheating-shag-ever-it-really-is.

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 21:22

I think we’d still be friends but I’d feel really embarrassed and humiliated.

OP posts:
Icandothisallday · 28/05/2019 21:22

I don’t think he’s brave enough to do that

You mean hevisnt the type to finish a relationship decently? Only when the next bed warmer is available?

Of course the 'I hate cheaters' is a line. It designed so that when he tries and shasgs you, you think you are special. He wants you so much he has gone against his morals just so he cab be with you. You wont realise he has done this before and you are one in a long line.

You will think you are special but understand he cant leave his girlfriend because she is ill (I bet she isnt or he is exaggerating or pregnant). You will understand he cant leave her and just cant possibly give you up.

Then one day he will get bored and dump you. Or she will find out and he will paint you as some crazy stalker, promise her nothing happened blah blah blah.

You are being played

Original poster
PearlOfWhirl · 28/05/2019 21:23

I would be so shocked if he has ever cheated before. I really believe he’s telling the truth.

OP posts:
OldUnit · 28/05/2019 21:24

You sound quite young and naive OP.

How old are you?