Husband in huge secret debt wwyd.

[Shaw2be]

I knew he was racking up a debt as he has barely any spare money and yet we keep getting parcels delivered and he keeps wearing new clothes which he says "he's had for ages" when questioned. Today he finally confessed to being in debt. The total at 42k after a lot of probing. It started at 12k and then he finally admitted the full amount. He thinks I have no right to be cross because he has come clean and he has set in motion a plan to pay it off. His plan is to remortgage and put it on the house. Which is both of ours and I am incredibly unhappy about this idea. He says for him to pay it off it will take 7 years and in that time he will only have £50 A week to live off. I see no problem with that as I think £50 A week for leisure is fine!! Not including petrol or food!! Whereas if he puts it on the house it will only cost us each an extra £100 A month. I get that we are married and that I should be supportive but I've seen none of this money and I am absolutely furious at him. Things have been tough between us a lot recently. We have 3 young children and he has been drinking heavily every evening and not helping put around the house at all. I currently feel like I want to cut my losses and move on but when we have discussed this over the last weeks he seems really intent on fixing things and this is why he has come clean. However he never accepts that he is in the wrong about anything and always has something or someone to blame. Apparently slight stress turned him into an alcoholic junk spender. I just can't deal with someone so arrogant who won't even apologise! Help me please. What do I do? I want pur kids to have a happy life, and love in a happy home and currently it is not a happy home!

Many people with large debts can account for only about one-third of the amount they owe. Other two-thirds is a mix of interest (and penalties, often), and day to day stuff. Of course for some people it's easy to do, and they don't want to disclose!

waterSpider - when someone is married running up 42k is awful and of course they should disclose!

Married or not, £42k debt is sa lot! But waterspider is correct in saying that a lot of it will be interest and/or charges. Ask him if he has been using one card to pay another, or if he has been consolidating/balance transferring. It doesn’t make it better or excuse it, but it will help you understand how buying T-shirts has culminated in £42k debt.

I used to do bankruptcy work and it was saddening the number of times I saw this story where one spouse had run up debt and they had taken secured loans against the jointly owned property or increased the mortgage,. Other spouse ends up being screwed over because it’s very rare that the spender stops spending.

Being married doesn’t automatically mean the unsecured debt is half yours or that you would have to take responsibility for any of it if you split. Be meticulous in keeping notes as to what you knew about, what it’s been spent on etc. Do not assume responsibility for it, even verbally.

Most importantly, do not agree to any remedy that involves putting the debt in joint names (e.g. increasing the mortgage).