Controlling or caring?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Would you see any of these things as red flags or just a good caring partner?

Lots of texts/contact through the day. Calls each lunch/break time and texts in between.

Always offering to take and collect from nights out/meeting friends. Even if it's inconvenient for him.

Booking and arranging lots of surprise trips/treats. Sounds lovely I know, but never really asking if you want to go/do it.

But generally not moody or upset if you don't answer texts etc or you say no to the lifts/trips.

Something's recently have made me start looking at his behaviour but just wanted opinions on these few things and if they'd be seems as controlling at all.

Oh man, controlling for sure. The baby situation..sorry but that is not right. The text checker too..no way. Looks as though he may be trying to take away your independence slowly. Sorry to say..but it doesnt seem healthy.

Wow a lot of posters on here being totally unreasonable and resonating double standards. I have been a privy to many posts on here about the man not wanting to get married, and it's usually met with LTB he's not wanting to commit or provide so what is so wrong with this man wanting a wedding ASAP? Jesus, he almost sounds perfect! He obviously feels he misses out being at work. Like I said, my dp was very similar to yours when I had my first dd but after a huge split we had, we got back together and he was never the same as in he hardy messages me when he's at work now or rings up and we have a 18 month old second dd now!
He also isn't too keen about getting married quickly

I just think op needs to imagine him stopping all his usual behaviours, would she miss it? Would it make her feel now he doesn't care? The only reason I say this as my dp wore his heart on his sleeve, always rang on his lunch breaks and txt. I took it all for granted - didn't want him ringing as I was sometimes out and about with friends. He now doesn't do either and I really miss it. It makes me feel that now he's happy talking to work colleagues etc and he's missing out with second dd.

Op, I think your relationship sounds bloody brilliant!

Op, I think your relationship sounds bloody brilliant!

But OP doesn't, and she's the one living it.

Maybe he's a great guy and doing all the right things, but it's not working for her on some level. Or maybe he's controlling under the guise of caring.

The thing to do, imo, is to seek some counselling, talk things out with an unbiased party and see where you want to go from there, OP.

I get what you're saying @shakeitofff. But like I mentioned before there was some other things that he's been saying/doing that I knew weren't right or I wasn't comfortable with anyway. The things in my opening post were things I felt a little niggle about but didn't know if that was because of the other stuff or not. So it isn't just those things I've mentioned there's more to it.

Thank you @category12. I think he probably is controlling under the guise of caring. I don't think it will go further or he'll get 'worse' (sorry can't think of another word but I know worse isn't right). But it's definitely something I need to address and maybe even leave him. I think I've just had blinkers on as to how bad he can be, because he is as some posters have highlighted such a perfect partner for the most part.

I wrote a list today though of every incident I could think of that's made me question him and honestly it was scary just how much there was on there. Most of it is little subtle things but in a lot of ways that's worse as I've been thinking well that's not really abusive is it or he wouldn't do that if I did this or that.

I've worked with dv victims too and I know what to look out for, just evidently not in my own relationship.