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Original poster

Did you meet your soulmate?

89 replies

Hammondisback · 21/05/2019 20:13

Just wondering, really. I’m not sure if such a thing exists. I’m married, but have long had this awful, nagging feeling that, ‘he’s not the One,’ and a yearning to meet someone else. Am I being stupid, naive and unrealistic? Also have the weird feeling that the life I’m living is not the one I’m supposed to have. Again, am I being pathetic? Does anyone else feel this?

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 21/05/2019 20:16

I met my soulmate but then I wouldn't have got married to anyone else. I couldn't marry someone who was essentially second best.

chipsandgin · 21/05/2019 20:25

Met him, had our time, left, moved on - I’m better off where I am now because it wouldn’t have worked living out our whole lives together, as much as I loved him.

However, it does sound like you are romanticising a more mundane issue than not being with ‘the one’, if you are unhappy & can’t see a future then leave - but don’t pin all your hopes on a fairytale that might never happen..especially if you’ve made the stakes so high by leaving your current situation with this in mind.

MrsMozartMkII · 21/05/2019 20:27

Yes.

He's my rock and my light.

Aryaneedle · 21/05/2019 20:27

I was with XH for 10 years and felt like you. Like I was with the wrong person, wrong life.

Then in 3 year relationship with my ex and I wasn't sure from day one.

I went along with both because I had low self esteem and thought nobody else would want me. I ended up with a violent man and then an addict. I was desperately unhappy and left both.

I did LOADS of work on myself, got a masters in psychology, bought my own home, rely on myself financially, was a lone parent to 3 dcs and work FT. I respect myself. I like myself.

Then 6 months ago I met my soulmate and I have never experienced anything like it. I love him, he loves me. It's simple and easy. I'm so sure. So is he. We don't live together because there's no rush but we spend 4 nights a week together. I can't really explain it but it just feels right. I was the most cynical, worn down person so if you'd have asked me a year ago if I believed in soulmates I'd have laughed in your face. Now I totally believe it.

Jingers5 · 21/05/2019 20:31

Aryaneedle, what a happy outcome for you. Nice to read 😊 good luck for the future, you deserve it.

Namenic · 21/05/2019 20:33

I don’t really believe in a ‘One’. I settled for DH and he did for me - we had similar life goals and interests and enjoyed each other’s company. Early in the marriage we found it hard to get used to one another and I did wish I hadn’t got married at a couple of points. But things got better and we started to work more as a team and appreciate each other.

Both of us took our vows seriously and it did help us keep together through the hard bits. Appreciating his good bits, talking about issues and being generous on points of contention helped. I don’t think DH is the only person I could have been happy with and vice versa. I see it as becoming each others’ soulmates rather than finding and choosing the right ‘One’.

Original poster
Hammondisback · 21/05/2019 20:36

Re. the last bit, not in a, ‘Should be a princess, living in a castle,’ type of different life, BTW, just a different life...!

OP posts:
Helpimfalling · 21/05/2019 20:36

@Aryaneedle I'm crying!

I've had an awful two relationship too
I was so down trodden I can't even explain but very similar too you

I'm at the stage you so ritley describe where I've just got my life back together my independent and my finances don't need a man single mother and I'm finally free

But it brings me to tears knowing one day just one day....

I'm very happy for you

Jsku · 21/05/2019 20:36

Met two soulmates... first - was totally sure as a 19yo....
Few years of heartache later, moved on...
Then another love - also felt so so right - at 28.... Few years later - life challenges pulled us apart and carried the memory of the feeling with me for years...
Then a lot later fell in love again. With a normal, non perfect man. Not a soulmate or the One. Just someone who makes me happy...

Romantic concepts are nice for fantasies. But in real life - some people are lucky to fall for someone who is also compatible on a basic day/day level - and then it all works well. And some aren’t as lucky.
You sound down or unhappy. If it’s because you don’t see or want a future with the man you are with - leave. If you can.
Or find other sources of happiness.

loveonthewall · 21/05/2019 20:39

I've have a couple of soulmates. Didn't marry the oldest one as I'm a straight woman, as is she SmileThe other is my son.

My partner is fab and a great friend.

Soulmates and good friends manifest in lots of ways

MoominMantra · 21/05/2019 20:39

Nope

VictoriaBun · 21/05/2019 20:39

You do see couples / know a couple that look to be completely in love or that they seem be besotted, even years after meeting, or that he/she worships the ground the other walks on. But what really goes on behind closed doors ?
says cynical old me

MoominMantra · 21/05/2019 20:40

@loveonthewall interesting. Maybe my children are my soul mates - I love spending time with them!

RomanyQueen1 · 21/05/2019 20:41

I married mine, been together 30 years now.
When all else fails you look at your friendship and voila back to the land of happy again.
I don't believe soul mates divorce, you weren't soul mates if so.

KOKOtiltomorrow · 21/05/2019 20:42

I don’t believe in soul mates or the one......it doesn’t make sense given you meet is filtered by geography. But I do believe in clicking with someone and working hard to make it work. OP you sound dissatisfied - is there anything you can pin point or change?

loveonthewall · 21/05/2019 20:43

Moomin, I've always said I'm lucky to know my son for the individual he is, not because he's my son. Sounds like you're the same Smile

MoominMantra · 21/05/2019 20:43

@VictoriaBun yes I agree with this.

I know a couple who put sickly status updates on FB. Look everybody! Look how in love we are! You look amazing babe, thanks for the best night ever. I don't deserve such a wonderful wife.

Shortly afterwards he cheated on her with a prostitute

SinkGirl · 21/05/2019 20:44

I’m with Tim Minchin on this one...

ThenOutCameTheSunshine · 21/05/2019 20:45

I don't think my DP is my soul mate. I'm not sure how I would even define a soul mate.

We clash and we need space to do our own thing. But we are completely comfortable around one another. We have similar interests. He's a good man. And sometimes I think there probably is someone out there who could be more of a "soul mate" but I'm not giving up a decent person in my life and taking that risk.

We've never been besotted with one another but we do love and need each other. And we laugh together. That's enough for me.

Ratatatouille · 21/05/2019 20:46

I don't believe in soulmates. I mean think about it - there's one person on the whole planet, out of billions, who is "the one" and they just happen to be born in the same town as you/have gone to uni with you/worked in the building across the street/went to the same gig etc. It's a ludicrous idea and I don't think it's very helpful to be over invested in it. It can make people second guess very loving, very real, very fulfilling relationships because they aren't "perfect", when in actual fact there's nothing wrong with a bit of conflict or a different point of view. On the other hand it can make people less likely to leave a relationship that's actually unhealthy because if they perceive this person (despite their flaws) to be "the one" then there's no possibility of a happier alternative.

I love my husband completely. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and he makes me happier than I deserve or than I ever thought I'd be. Our life is extraordinary. But I believe that there are probably hundreds of thousands of other men on the planet with whom I could have fallen in love. And there are a similar number of women who would have been just as great for my husband as I am. Happily, we found each other and I don't need to believe a fairy tale to validate our love. It's no less real simply because we aren't each others only prospect on planet earth.

If you aren't happy in you marriage, you need to address that. If you feel that you could be happier with someone else or alone then you need to either walk away or figure out whether there are things you both could change that would bring more closeness and fulfilment.

ThenOutCameTheSunshine · 21/05/2019 20:47

What is it about your marriage that makes you unhappy?

IvanaPee · 21/05/2019 20:52

I don’t know if there is such a thing but if there is, it’s my husband.

I can’t quite explain it. I love him but it’s more than that. There’s just...something.

I know with absolute certainty that I have never and will never feel about anyone the way I do about him. He says he feels the same way and I 100% believe him.

And I have been through unimaginable shit with men so it’s not like I’m naive about it!

I couldn’t/wouldn’t settle for anything less now that I’ve experienced it. And I won’t find it with anyone else. So he’s stuck with me!

PolarBearBubbles · 21/05/2019 20:53

Yes, he is the absolute best person in the world, I've never met anybody I would have even close to the connection we have and that was there pretty much from the minute we met, just a pure magnetism to each other. He is wonderful in every way.
I know if I hadn't met him I'd have been able to love someone else definitely and build a strong relationship and be happy, and would have known no differently, but now I know that that would have been settling for something that although great, wasn't the best.

Original poster
Hammondisback · 21/05/2019 20:54

My DD, fear of being alone and fear of poverty are the things that are keeping me here. I work - have a profession - which I don’t really enjoy, but it provides a decent income and job security, so I continue with it. Similarly, 2 wages provide a comfortable home and a decent standard of living for my DD. Also, DH is a kind man and I’m not sure I’d find anyone better. Still feel lost and yearning though.

OP posts:
RedSheep73 · 21/05/2019 20:54

I should hope so, been married 19 years. It's not all hearts and flowers of course but I can't imagine wanting to be with someone else.