Did you meet your soulmate?

[Hammondisback]

Just wondering, really. I’m not sure if such a thing exists. I’m married, but have long had this awful, nagging feeling that, ‘he’s not the One,’ and a yearning to meet someone else. Am I being stupid, naive and unrealistic? Also have the weird feeling that the life I’m living is not the one I’m supposed to have. Again, am I being pathetic? Does anyone else feel this?

Yes, I did. He was an unlikely soulmate, twice my age, divorced, resident parent to two teens, skint. But he was funny, kind, generous, loving and the best person I have ever met. We were best friends as well as lovers, then got married and had the best adventure ever. I didn't expect to meet anyone so special because my ex was an abusive twat, and when I met DH I wasn't even sure I fancied him. He grew on me (like mould!!) and even my stepson said he had never known his dad to be happy until he met me.

Not yet. And I haven’t settled for something less.

I’m honestly happier being single. If someone wonderful wanders into my life, then great but I am so lucky now that it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t.

Yes, but we met too late. Someone else got there first, and I'm wondering if that regret will ever go away.

I thought so then got dumped after 20 years. Looking back I made it all up in my head and he was no soul mate. I really wanted him to be and ignored everything that didn't fit in with that. I don't think there is such a thing.

Met my soulmate. 13 years into my marriage we both believe it would be wrong to leave our spouses and so are friends. We will always be close and will always be the one for each other.

"Soulmates" / "The One" - there's no such animal. Sorry, don't believe in them.

I don’t really believe in soul mates or anything like that. However, I left my marriage for similar reasons to how you’re feeling. I settled for my ex husband, and he settled for me, neither of us were happy, and it got to the point where I just couldn’t carry on pretending that things were fine, when they weren’t. We’d both changed and grown apart, and I just couldn’t bear the thought of being with him for the rest of my life. We did try and work on things first, but ultimately, my mental health was suffering (I had really bad anxiety), and I knew we had to separate. My anxiety went on the day I told him, so I am in no doubt it was the right decision.

I have since met someone else, and I have honestly never felt such a connection with someone before. It is the oddest feeling, like we’ve known each other forever or something. We are like two halves of the same thing. He makes me feel like I’m home, it is just so easy. As I said, I don’t believe in soul mates, but I’m certain that what my new partner and I have is a deeper and more fulfilling connection than I had with my ex, or any other relationship I’ve had for that matter.

I was with a guy who I thought, at first, was the one. But as time went on, I started thinking "is this it?" and "is this really the sex I will be having here on out?". I became unhappy. I wanted more and I wanted to do more and experience new things together as a couple. There just wasn't that. I too felt that I could not and would not find better and so I stayed. I realize now that those questions are indicative of action, whatever that is.

I think I’m a much worse person when I’m with him and a much better one when I’m without.

Ya, this was me as well.

I have had 4 long term relationships. I have been in lust with 2 of them, which I would’ve said were soulmates. My last relationship ticked many boxes, and we really should’ve been soulmates (on paper) but I didn’t love him, sometimes didn’t even like him. I stayed so long because he ticked the boxes, not because we ‘clicked’.

I do believe in ‘the one’ but not in a chick flick kind of way, just a person you ‘click’ with.

Oh and, while I’m not ecstatically happy at present (old and single) I’m a far more content person than I ever was with him, so I made the right decision.

Yes, but we married other people. We've now found our way back to each other and it is everything, which cements my belief in soulmates.

Yes, we both knew the instant we met. 31 years later, still feel the same way.

@peachgreen - EXACTLY the same as I’m experiencing.
At the ages of 40 and 47, DP and I met, both instantly fell in love the night we met, and a year later are now engaged.
He’s the most perfect person I’ve ever met, and he feels the same about me.
It’s a deep, strong connection and contentment, one I never ever had with exDH.

OP - like you, I felt I was living the wrong life with my ex, and felt a lot of guilt for splitting up with him, until all my family and friends pointed out how much of a total dick my ex was. Turns out that none of them could stand him, and everyone was incredulous that I’d been with him so long.

I suppose my question shouldn’t have been, Did you meet your soulmate?, but rather «Do you FEEL that you’ve met your forever person?», or is it normal to feel as I do and that’s what happens to all long term relationships? Should I just feel grateful for what I’ve got? I know I’m the only one that can answer that, but I think I just wanted to find out how common this feeling is and whether you still feel deep love and affection for your long term partner. To know if I’m being silly and teenage in wanting more.

Tigerbear, that’s great to hear. So happy for you

I was married for 29 yrs, to the wrong man, new partner married to the wrong woman for 35 yrs. We have left our partners and are now together, he is the man I have been waitingnfor my whole life. I have never felt like this about anyone before ever, and he feels the same .

@Hammondisback thank you!
Please don’t just dismiss your feelings or ‘settle’. I did, for too long.
I yearned for a close connection, an all consuming love when I was with my ex.
I’ll always remember a dream I had where I was experiencing that kind of love, and when I woke up, I was almost in tears as it wasn’t real. That’s what i always hoped to find, and now I have, it’s made me realise what I missed out on all those years.
As cheesy as it sounds, when I was with exDH, it was like a cloud in the room.
With current DP, it’s like the sun shines every single day. 😃
I hope you find it too.

I'm 40 now and with my third 'long term' partner - and I sincerely hope she's my 'rest of my life' partner. We've been together three and something years.

But the other two ended for various non-acrimonious reasons (no infidelity that I'm aware of, no abuse.) At the time I met them, they were both the right one for me. We developed each other. I was younger then and probably would have called each one my 'soulmate' at the time. They're both wonderful women doing well for themselves now and especially with the second one, I think if we'd had children we would have made it work.

The woman I'm with now, the amazing mother of my little girl - she's perfect for me. But for the 'me' that the other two girls had a hand in shaping, if that makes sense? The road I walked with them brought me to where I needed to be and helped me become who I needed to be to build what I have with my current one.

I'm grateful to all three of them. I think I'm complete now, in a way I know I never felt before, and the thought of walking the rest of the distance with my current partner is nothing but wonderful. She has two girls from a previous relationship, 4 & 9 now, that live with us fulltime and it all just feels 'right.' Our little girl is only 8 weeks old and despite the lack of sleep it somehow feels even more 'right' than before. So I think that qualifies.

What I will say is that we're very different people, but we're well matched in how tactile and openly affectionate we are. I do think both us were unwilling to settle for someone who wasn't. Not that it's 'wrong' to be comfortable with a different level of affection, just that we were both quite clear in our own heads that it was a bit of a non-negotiable for us.

I could have written your post. OH is kind, unselfish, a good father, u understanding and super supportive of me.

I just don't think i love him like he loves me. He genuinely would do anything for me and never judges me or says unkind things. I am hard.on him in lots of ways. Im much nicer to other people.

I feel really bad but dont want to break up our little family. Im doing a lot of work on myself (very inwardly critical) and am really hoping that will help.

I swing from wanting to leave to not knowing how i would manage without him...but im really harsh on him (often internally im not that much of a bitch!).

Seeing a good therapist now so im hoping i will get some clarity. Hopefully it will change my perspective.

Yes but more than whatever 'soulmates' means he is simply my best friend plus lots of passion and romance.
He is so much more than I could've ever dreamed of

Yes I feel lucky to say I have met and been happily married for 10years to my husband,best friend and soulmate! we met when we was 17&18 and we have grown up together! now were 29 & 30 with 3 children and another on the way I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else.I feel like he is the male version of myself and even though we have different opinions and likes etc we are 1 unit. we say we are old fashioned thinking If somethings broke we fix it,we don't just throw it away! nobody can see the future or whats going to happen in life ,but I hope ours will be as a little old couple,still in love,holding hands and eating chips by the seaside 💛

I feel a lot like @Notthebossofnetflicks.

I had a difficult childhood with a mother whose love came with conditions. I suppose i was looking for any scrap of attention. Dh is not a bad guy. But two disabled child later I feel trapped. And I’m not sure I have the energy to leave or even if the relationship is that bad. I’ve done a lot of work on myself in my 30s and although I love my dh in my own way I feel I’ve settled and compromised a lot and that maybe there is someone out there I’m more suited to. But we have a good life. So I suppose because of our kids I’ve accepted it is what it is. Which makes me seem like a horrible person.

@alwaysgray i feel horrible too!!

@alwaysgrey