Did you meet your soulmate?

[Hammondisback]

Just wondering, really. I’m not sure if such a thing exists. I’m married, but have long had this awful, nagging feeling that, ‘he’s not the One,’ and a yearning to meet someone else. Am I being stupid, naive and unrealistic? Also have the weird feeling that the life I’m living is not the one I’m supposed to have. Again, am I being pathetic? Does anyone else feel this?

I think if you have any doubts at all about your partner being right for you, ultimately you're settling.

My husband infuriated me, drives me insane, pisses me off no end, but I never have any doubts that we are meant to be together or that there could be someone more suited to me, I just know it's so right.

I don't want people to think I'm going 'Oh soulmates are true because I found mine' that's not what I was saying. More that I didn't really believe or understand the concept of being with someone where it was easy or felt right. I thought being in love was hard and fiery, angry, upsetting, dramatic and hard work. But I wasn't really in love. It took me until 39 to fall in love, I realise now. I know now that when it's right it's none of those things. It's easy to be happy and content and I really want that for him too and if he didn't feel like that with me I'd want him to find it, for him. I'm not even joking, even if it broke my heart I'd prefer him to be happy. Luckily he seems to be quietly and confidently planning for us to be together in the long term. In the least dramatic way

Can't say I believe in 'Soul Mates'. I met a lovely, kind, clever, funny, caring man who I fancied to bits and was lucky enough to fancy me back. He's not perfect and our life is far from perfect but he and it and us are a constantly changing work in progress. He helps me to be the best person I can be and I hope I do the same for him.
I met him relatively young and sometimes wonder at the roads not taken but I think that's normal. I'm sure he does too!

We’ve been together a very long time and I think I have settled for him. He’s a good dad, a decent person, we are just very different and I feel sad much of the time. I have some lovely friends who share similar interests, but they have families, so aren’t always around. TBH, I feel very lonely in the marriage - we used to have similar goals, but now we are so different. We find it hard to communicate; sometimes I find him so stupid I cringe and I’m not in the least bit attracted to him physically. Is this just the way long-term relationships are? Am I being totally unrealistic in expecting more? I don’t actually believe in, ‘The One,’ either, as you’ve said, it’s geographically unrealistic. I just wanted to know if you felt such intense, ‘One,’ love. If it was meant to be, surely one wouldn’t be feeling this constant sense of yearning for something and someone else. He’s decent and kind, though, and a good dad, as I’ve said, so that keeps me here. Apart from my DD, who is wonderful, I constantly have the feeling that my life would have been better if we hadn’t met. I also think of his happiness and that he doesn’t really deserve a OH who feels like this.

He helps me to be the best person I can be This
I think I’m a much worse person when I’m with him and a much better one when I’m without.

Do you think it's possible you could be depressed and fixating on your marriage as the source of your unhappiness?

Yes. I love DH utterly. He's my rock, my best friend and I cannot imagine being without him. He is the kindest person I know. Even when he's irritating or swearing about some trivial crap I still love him. He is now old and fat and bald and I still find him as sexy as I ever did.

I am now old and fat and hairy and he still finds me sexy. I notice you say your DH is kind - that is worth an awful lot.

I have my soulmate and I already knew him. I missed that somewhere along the way.

I thought I'd met my soulmate at 17. It was definitely a fireworks moment for both of us when we first met and he is still one of my favourite people but too many changes while I was at uni and he was working (5 years older than me) meant that our relationship didn't grow together more apart.

It's not all hearts and flowers here. Still hard work. My husband is a bit of a twat but so am I.... perfectly suited ❤️❤️

I’m not sure I really believe in the concept, at least not in such a twee way, but yes, I believe I’m married to the person I was always meant to be with if that makes sense. I’m more sure now after 10+ years than when we were dating or first got married. I couldn’t imagine finding anyone I’d want to be with more. I think he’s quite a catch. I hope he feels the same about me, though I definitely think I got the better end of the deal (I can’t imagine being married to me tbh!).

I have met mine, I genuinely don’t think i’ll ever feel the same way about anyone else.

Thanks, that sounds lovely. I suppose I’m disappointed with my life and I’m blaming DH. Not that my life is bad, far from it. Do any of you dread going home? Dread hearing his key in the lock? Not from fear, just from, ‘God, he’s an idiot, I wonder what crap will spill from his mouth this time?’ Have to admit, I’m quite over-critical if myself too, so it might not be him that’s an idiot, but me that’s intolerant, although I’m really kind and empathetic to most people (or at least, try to be!)

*of myself

Does a 30 year 1 night stand count? We just never went home.

Yep and they both ended up to be assholes

Luckily wasn't married to either of them

How do you think he feels about you? Is he plodding along? Do you get any time together just the two of you?

I think you need to work on yourself. Your worth can't come from how somebody else makes you feel. It doesn't work like that.

I understand how daunting it feels to want more from your life or to feel you should be on a different path. Perhaps you should Channel this energy into making a change for you? You might be surprised by the benefits this brings to your relationship with your husband. Also, you might choose to leave him but I think you have to work on yourself first to show you the way!

Met him. Couldn’t be together. Moved on and settled with someone else. Once I’d had it I was able to settle in the knowledge that I’d had that experience and it wouldn’t come along again, so I wasn’t missing out by settling.

Yes, he accepts me being me at my worst and never gives me cause to doubt he loves me. But I don't think he's the only "one". He brings out the best in me and he's the one I want to run to to tell about the exciting stuff and the mundane.

Yes. Knew instantly, never had a moment's doubt. I saw him and knew I would fall in love with him, marry him and build a life with him. He felt the same. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight because I fell in love with him a little bit more every day. But I knew that he was the one person for me. It was a sense of "oh, it's you, there you are". Utter relief and joy. I absolutely knew he felt the same. If you'd told me it could happen before it happened to me I would have laughed in your face. I can't explain it but I'm grateful for it every day.

If anything happened to him I would hope to meet someone else one day but I wouldn't expect it to be anything like the same. For me this is a once in a lifetime thing.

Wise words Raptor Whiskers ...
I totally get what you’re saying there ...
Mine has gone forever ...
it will never be repeated but I can settle for something else great just less emotion and spark . ...not entirely a bad thing either ...
that spark was explosive 🙄😬

I should add that I don't believe everyone has to be with their "soulmate" to be happy. It's just one path to fulfillment, like following your passions or having children or doing great things for the world etc etc. Most people only get to do one or two of those things and mine happens to be an incredibly fulfilling marriage. It's no better or worse a life than anyone else's.

I did. I couldn't care less about being with someone for the sake of it so none of my relationships lasted very long. I met DH and couldn't be without him. He literally is the other half of me. We've grown together and, as much as I like to think I'd be ok without him, the reality is that emotionally and mentally I'd be very lost.

I divorced at 37 and then spent the next decade just having lots of fun. I loved life being single, independent and dating lots of men. I swore that I'd never marry or live with another man. Suddenly I met 'the one', completely unexpectedly and two years later and nearly 50 I'd marry him in a heartbeat and we are planning our lives and a home together. It's took nearly 50 years and lots of fun 😉 to suddenly realise what a soul mate is and being with him is better than anything or anyone before

Well, Thisismy..., that’s part of the problem. When we met, I was insecure and damaged. I’ve worked hard on myself and am now confident and assertive. I don’t think he likes me as much now, although I like myself much better. Peach, that sounds wonderful, what I dream of...I’ve always been a dreamer...stupid now, at my age!

Hamondisback, go for your dreams. Maybe you have fallen out of love with your husband. It sounds like you have grown as a person and want different things. Talk to him. Think long and hard about what you want for you future and go after it.