Did you meet your soulmate?

[Hammondisback]

Just wondering, really. I’m not sure if such a thing exists. I’m married, but have long had this awful, nagging feeling that, ‘he’s not the One,’ and a yearning to meet someone else. Am I being stupid, naive and unrealistic? Also have the weird feeling that the life I’m living is not the one I’m supposed to have. Again, am I being pathetic? Does anyone else feel this?

OP, it sounds like you have grown apart over the years, and no longer meet each other's needs. Perhaps you should try couples counselling, to see whether you can rekindle things or whether you need to separate.
For what it's worth, I DO believe in soulmates - I married mine, and we loved each other to bits for 16 years, until his tragically early death 27 years ago. I never remarried, and raised our two babies alone. Nobody could replace him, and I look forward to being reunited with him when I die.

I have met my soul mate 4 times, the newer is always better than the last, I have had a lovely time.

... But I have also spent some miserable lonely times wondering if I would end up being single together. Honestly, if you have fallen out of love leave, but leaving because he may not be your soulmate.. are you 12?

Yes. I never believed in the idea of it and settled with meh XH for years. Had some time happy on my own and then all of a sudden up she popped. We both knew it from our first date.

Oh my gosh, you have read my mind, Hammondisback!

I have had that yearning feeling for most of my marriage, and by the way, ignore the people on this thread who are shooting you down. They are
a) heartless, smug a...holes

b) never felt the despair we feel
c) lacking in emotional intelligence

I don't believe in there being necessarily just one soulmate... I believe there are many options out there for the "perfect match"! I settled when I was young but not with a perfect match. I too dread hearing his key in the lock.... pussyfooting around each other when, although you still feel love and slight affection for each other, neither of you can be courageous or honest enough to admit the love you have is no longer romantic love, nor one that is nurturing and fulfilling.

I am finding the courage to go.... not just because we are not soulmates.... but that thought does contribute to the discontent ..... Alone and happy? Yes please! Married and miserable? No thanks! ..... If I find a soulmate... or many ;) then that's a bonus...... good luck on whichever path you take :)

I think some of you have misunderstood me. I also question the notion of a ‘soulmate.’ Think people are most likely to grow to have a deep and even spiritual connection, so that they might feel that they have met, ‘The One,’ but I also think he/she can be one of many. I think I just wanted to find out how many of you felt this deep love for your DP, and if there were many of you that felt unfulfilled, yet stuck with it, as I have. Not sure if I’ll be happier alone, yet. Prettyatmidnight, I’m sorry you feel the same way and glad you’ve found the courage to move on. I’m not there yet, but I appreciate your kind words. Hope it works out well for you

Aryaneedle

What a lovely, lovely story.

My sister is the closest thing I have to a soulmate. DP certainly isn't, he's nice though.

I did have a soulmate relationship in the past but I found it claustrophobic and the sex burned itself out anyway. I like to do for myself, mostly. Don't think intense love is really my thing.

Yes, it is very difficult to find your real soul mate. Everything is checked over time if this is the person next to you. I still have not found. I'm looking for. At the moment I try online dating, meeting. Through www.naughtydate.com site I met a good man. We have been dating for 3 weeks. But I don’t know if this person with which I could live my whole life.

I’ve always thought my DH was my soulmate, he was my only serious boyfriend and being together for so long (25 years married, 30 years since we met) we have such shared interests and love each other’s company.
Then last year when I was suffering from anxiety & generally struggling with life he felt a bit neglected and had an affair.
He still feels like my soulmate though, even though I found out last week it had gone on longer than he’d said after swearing he’d told me everything.

This soulmate thing traps you I feel, I can’t bear the thought of being with someone that I feel so connected to, so I’m still here after everything.

Can’t bear the thought of being without him I mean

Yes I am with my soul mate now. We just clicked straight away and are so alike and have so much in common. It's hard to describe but this relationship is so different to any other. It's so relaxed and easy.
It feels like it was meant to be.

I did believe in it, I thought I’d met mine, then two kids and 15 years down the line he cheated on me. My faith was broken.

See if I find greenkits post really sad. Obviously I have no idea if those long marriages were happy for some / all / none of the time but to say that you and he were married to the 'wrong'people for decades is hugely demeaning and insulting to those people. So they effectively' wasted' their prime years on relationships that apparently were 'wrong' all the time. That's what I think is so damaging about this idea of soul mates.. It makes many people feel that the solid, enduring, but everyday and mundane marriage they have is not enough and jump ship when something shiny comes along. I really hope that it's as shiny in 35 years time, but it's unlikely.
OP I think you have to look at your relationship purely in isolation. Not comparing it to anything else that may or may not be better, just in and of itself is it good enough or could it be with work? If not, leave. But not for someone better or else, just because it's not and cannot make you happy.

I agree with Angrybird about the idea of soulmates being damaging in a way, I think a lot of people aspire to that and feel insecure or like a failure when they haven't found The One (at least I do).

I think I might have settled and I'm not sure how I feel about it - married DH while pregnant after 3 years together, never confident he was my soulmate but convinced that we had a loving, stable relationship and that we'd make a good team. Following the birth of DS the cracks began to show and less than a year into our marriage we're both pretty miserable with each other yet equally adore our DS and are grateful to have him. Part of me thinks "what if," and wonders whether I should have tried harder to find someone I could call my soulmate, but we committed to a life together and will try our hardest to make it work.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say to be honest but OP you're not alone in feeling this way.