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Original poster

boyfriend obsessed with texting dirty to other women

159 replies

Kyra1 · 21/05/2019 09:48

Ive been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, i have never felt insecure in any of my past relationships but i always felt anxious with him for some reason (i think because he is so chatty and such a likeable person). But i caught him taking my name out of his relationship status on facebook and so i started questioning a whole lot more.. turns out he had messaged a few women on instagram direct sexually.. i raised it with him and was absolutely broken and he begged and begged for me back.. i had never seen such a broken man before, he was on his knees pleading for me to forgive him. I forgave him. He was making all the right changes and i thought things were going well.. but 2 weeks later a lady on facebook messaged me saying my boyfriend was messaging her on tinder sexually talking about her playing with herself and him also. He asked for her snapchat and he sent pictures of his downstairs region.
I had lost the plot at this point.. i raised it with him and he denied all the way, then finally after i told him i had proof of it, he finally admitted it. Again hes crying begging for me back. Weve not been together for two months but ive started texting him again. My heart just cant leave him. My dilemma is should i take him back again? Its hard because when its written down like this, its a bit black and white like yes leave the dick. But I am so in love with this boy and he has done so so much for me, we have so much history. Also does this really count as cheating? Im taking it as if he has slept with another woman but he hasnt. Hes admitted to me that before me, hed never been in a proper relationship, and when he texts other women on tinder its literally for 10 minutes whilst he plays with himself basically and then theyre deleted. Hes not interested in any other relationship. He says its like people who are addicted to pornography, he's always done it and is trying so hard to break it. We only get to see eachother twice a week and i refuse to talk sexually or send him pictures or anything over the phone so i suppose hes looking elsewhere to satisfy himself. Im not making excuses as such or being naive, i just really love him and want him in my life, so is it worth taking him back? And if so, how can i stop being so anxious and insecure in the relationship? Thanks girls. :)

OP posts:
MatthewBramble · 21/05/2019 10:17

This guy could bullshit for England. Don't believe or trust a word he says. He's not "addicted". He's a tosser. It'll never stop, so fund yourself someone better.

Etino · 21/05/2019 10:17

@Deathgrip I have cheese older than this relationship Grin
OP bin him, do the Freedom Programme and be in a better place for your next relationship.
Flowers

Jiggles101 · 21/05/2019 10:19

If he's sending unsolicited dick pics to random women then he's not just a cheat he's a sex offender. Yuck 🤢

Only get back with him if you can accept he's going to to this, if you can't accept it then don't get back with him.

horizontalis · 21/05/2019 10:20

How can I stop being so anxious and insecure in the relationship?

Dump the twat, that's how.

thegreatcrestednewt · 21/05/2019 10:26

Of course it counts as being unfaithful!

You've only been together a year. Don't waste any more time on him.

He's a lying, cheating scumbag., You can't trust him. Words are cheap: look at what he DOES, not what he says.

If you stay with him you will ALWAYS be anxious and insecure because his behaviour will make you feel that way!

He's addicted to sending dick pics to other women and wanking off while he sends them dirty messages. That's disgusting.

Do the Freedom Programme and raise your standards before your next relationship.

Original poster
Kyra1 · 21/05/2019 10:32

Thanks for the advice guys.. suppose im being stupid and yes i do need to leave him. Just dont picture life with anyone else and all i can think of is all of the good times weve had :(

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 21/05/2019 10:32

Also think about that broken man act he put on. Let's say it wasn't even an act and he was genuine, he STILL did it again, which surely shows how addicted he really is and how he won't ever stop. UGH, he's an embarrassment. There's no way to not be insecure in that situation unless you're going to get to the point where you're happy to allow it and don't care who sees pictures of his dick and provides him with some wanking material before bed!

ChuckleBuckles · 21/05/2019 10:39

All the good times you've had? Like when you were all excited and looking forward to spending time together and he was sending nude pics to another girl, like when you were at work or college or visiting friends and he was sexting some random off the internet, like when you thought he loved you and he was cracking one out to some woman he searched for online, those good times? Like the time when another woman messaged you to let you know what he was doing, how much did you enjoy that?

Look OP you seem young and in love with this "man" but wake up to yourself before you find yourself stuck at home with a couple of kids and have no money for anything because Prince Charming here is spending it on prostitutes to get his kicks, run fast and far from him.

Darkbendis · 21/05/2019 10:40

When you think of all the good times you guys had, think that during all these times he was sending dick pics to other women behind your back and was wanking off over other women's pics, chats and profiles. Not such good times, werent they?

MIA12 · 21/05/2019 10:42

You can, and will, have good times with someone new who respects you.

amusedbush · 21/05/2019 10:43

we have so much history

You've been together for one year and he has repeatedly broken your trust. Get rid and move on.

DistanceCall · 21/05/2019 10:46

I mean this kindly.

You're being an idiot.

You have caught this twat sending unsolicited filth to other women twice, and you have allowed him back because he was "broken". So you taught him that what he does is OK (a) as long as he doesn't get caught, and (b) you'll have him back anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Get some self-respect.

thegreatcrestednewt · 21/05/2019 10:47

But all those 'good times' weren't real. They were false. Because behind your back your p was being repeatedly unfaithful and wanking off to other girls. Such fun! Such lovely memories! Not.

You can do SO much better. You will be so much happier with someone who actually respects you.

DistanceCall · 21/05/2019 10:48

all i can think of is all of the good times weve had

Well, think that during all the "good" times you had, he was checking his phone constantly to see what other women were saying about the dick pics he had sent them, and replying to them.

It was all a lie. Get rid.

ThatCurlyGirl · 21/05/2019 10:50

how can i stop being so anxious and insecure

Don't go out with arseholes. I've been similar to you in the past and can safely say ITS HIM NOT YOU.

He's pushed your boundaries, you've expanded them a little more each time he is allowed another chance. Now he has you thinking your boundaries are silly and is minimising his bad behaviour.

Of COURSE it's not ok - you know that don't you?

Please make the break, be sounds at worst an absolute cunt and at best a pathetic weak willed manchild.

Headfuckery at its finest. Sorry OP Thanks

GenuineKlatchianPottery · 21/05/2019 10:50

Eww. Seriously, you’ve not even been together a year. You should still be in the honeymoon stage, not worrying about who he’s sending dickpicks to whilst getting himself off over pictures and texts from other women.
Also, get yourself an STD check, because chances are he’s not stopped at texting.

ThatCurlyGirl · 21/05/2019 10:51

Oh and I've said it a million times but the best advice I've ever had regarding relationships - sometimes love isn't enough.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/05/2019 10:51

You do need to leave him and asap. He has found in you a nice pliable mug and target to manipulate for his own ends.

How old are you, you do seem quite young.

Do not get further suckered on the sunken costs fallacy (read about this in relationships). Your second sentence, "Just dont picture life with anyone else and all I can think of is all of the good times weve had" is this in a nutshell.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, what sort of an example did your parents show you?. Think about this and raising your own boundaries a lot higher because they are so low currently to be almost non existent. This also makes you more attractive to chancers like this bloke of the past year. This man does not love you and never has. He does not know the meaning of the word.

MiaWoman · 21/05/2019 10:56

You know what to do.

You are here subconsciously hoping that someone here will tell you that it's ok and forgive him so that you don't feel bad about yourself.

But hun, I know it's hard, I promise you I know, but you need to find the strength of leaving him, like taking out a bandage.

Find your time, find your strength.

cees · 21/05/2019 10:57

You have been with him a year, of course you can picture life without him just rewind a year. He is a gobshite, dont waste years on a fool who is already lining up other women to cheat on you with.

Illberidingshotgun · 21/05/2019 11:03

Tell him that you are happy to continue the relationship, but will be setting up a Tinder profile, contacting men regularly, and sending/receiving sexual messages with them. If it works for him it must be worth doing, right? See if he's happy with that.

ANewDawn10 · 21/05/2019 11:04

You are an utter idiot for being so desperate. Get some self respect for yourself and raise your standards. This man is repeatedly showing you who he is yet you are too foolish to see this

Acis · 21/05/2019 11:08

we have so much history.

You really don't. You were with him for ten months, during which he was happily lying to you and contacting other women for sexual purposes. You need to forget such "history" as you had and be grateful you found out about him before getting into any serious commitments with him.

Eliza9919 · 21/05/2019 11:11

You got your terminology right when you called him a boy. He's a fuck boi. Fuck him off.

Eliza9919 · 21/05/2019 11:12

ANewDawn10 Tue 21-May-19 11:04:12
You are an utter idiot for being so desperate. Get some self respect for yourself and raise your standards.

This x1000