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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just come back from holiday

109 replies

Ju2166 · 18/05/2019 20:54

I've just got back from a holiday abroad with my mum. We go to the same hotel every year so know all staff etc and I'm friends with lots on Facebook. Last week I made a comment on fb about the football and a man from where is was staying added a couple of comments. Within a few minutes I got a text from my fiance saying i was making him look like a c*. No contact from him until I got home yesterday only to be dumped by text. In total shock

OP posts:
gamerchick · 18/05/2019 20:59

You've had a lucky escape. If you keep it that way.

Next will be him graciously taking you back after telling you where your place is and don't forget it though. You'll have to apologise a bunch of times and promise not to do the offending him thing again and deleting a bunch of men from your SM.

Original poster
Ju2166 · 18/05/2019 21:20

Gamerchick you're probably right. The laughable thing is we were originally together for 16 years, apart for 11 years and now been together again for 2 years. The main reason we originally split was his cheating. Our first 12-18 months this time were great, I really believed he had changed. But latterly he has become more controlling and makes snipes about my appearance etc and I have felt the "old" him is coming back

OP posts:
marvellousnightforamooncup · 18/05/2019 21:33

Lucky escape. You've wasted enough time on him already.

Lefty1 · 18/05/2019 21:43

No one needs to make him “look a cunt” he’s clearly got that one covered all by himself .

You’ve had a lucky escape OP, my ex blew his top because I “liked” a rest in peace Facebook status that was placed up by a male friend (it was regarding a mutual friend) . He said the exact same words “making him look like a cunt” , I later found out that he was cheating on me all along . Projection.
Hope you’re ok Flowers things will get better xx

Original poster
Ju2166 · 18/05/2019 23:00

Lefty1 I'm ok thanks. Everyone is saying what I already knew. Luckily we don't live together, but have had a text this evening asking me to pick up what bits I've got there and return the key lol x

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 18/05/2019 23:04

He's a nasty piece of work. Be was just looking for an excuse, any excuse, wasn't he? That was a close shave, OP!

Original poster
Ju2166 · 18/05/2019 23:29

2 weeks ago he was telling me how much he loves me and he has never been happier 🤔 I'm 53 and the thought of starting over again is daunting tbh, but I know I've just been drifting along with him. First time round he did hit me a few times and I do feel we were getting to that stage again. And yet I feel bad for hurting him 🙀

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · 18/05/2019 23:32

In what way did you hurt him???

Singlenotsingle · 18/05/2019 23:35

Why are we women born with a guilt complex? The first time you split was because he was cheating and he hit you? Does he feel guilty? No chance!

Original poster
Ju2166 · 18/05/2019 23:42

I know I'm just being stupid and I've no reason to feel sorry for him at all. Now that I've taken a step back I do realise that, just as he did last time, he is chipping away at my confidence again. So yes it is time to move on

OP posts:
SpoonBlender · 18/05/2019 23:43

You haven't hurt him - he's calculatedly picked something to try and use as a handle to control you.

Kick him to fuck.

cheeseislife8 · 19/05/2019 00:25

He sounds a delight Hmm

Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 10:21

So mad at myself, gave in and texted him. I said I've not done anything wrong, only a couple of comments on fb. He said he doesn't give a fuck who I talk to as long as it doesn't show on his feed making him look a cunt. Wish I'd never bothered

OP posts:
Lefty1 · 19/05/2019 11:29

Block him op then delete his number. Block him on all social media , by continuing contact you are delaying your recovery process. Be strong , you can do it ! Flowers x

bebeboeuf · 19/05/2019 11:39

Can you take someone with you when you collect your things?
Flowers

19lottie82 · 19/05/2019 11:44

It sounds like he might be cheating again OP. In my experience whenever someone is they’re always the ones to accuse, they think it makes them look less guilty or some bull shit.

Seriously, you’ve dodged a bullet here. Block him and get someone to take all of his stuff from your house.

Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 12:03

I've blocked him and deleted his number. I'll pick up my stuff one day this week when he's at work

OP posts:
Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 12:08

My mum reckons he is acting like this because he's hurting. Problem is she really likes him and is going on about it constantly atm. I don't need to be put on a guilt trip, I haven't done anything!

OP posts:
Lefty1 · 19/05/2019 12:12

He is acting like this because he is a controlling cheating prick, nothing more to it . Ask your mum no to mention him anymore , tell her how controlling he is and that she needs to support you right now x

SpamChaudFroid · 19/05/2019 12:18

Why on earth is your mother minimising his behaviour? Does she know he's hit you in the past?

MrsMozartMkII · 19/05/2019 12:22

Your mother needs to stop.

If anyone behaved like he has to you to either of my DDs I'd be backing up the DD to the hilt and beyond.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 19/05/2019 12:30

I'm sorry but you've said you're 53, this is daft behaviour that teenagers pull. You deserve so much more than this.

ThePerturbedPenguin · 19/05/2019 12:34

He is acting this way because he is hurting? That doesn’t even make sense, he dumped you because of some comment on facebook. What was the actual comment, for context?

poglets · 19/05/2019 12:35

He's the problem. You have one less. Your mother isn't being helpful here - tune her out. She doesn't get a vote. You decide.

Loopytiles · 19/05/2019 12:35

Getting back together with him was a mistake: block him and cut all contact.