Just come back from holiday

[Ju2166]

I've just got back from a holiday abroad with my mum. We go to the same hotel every year so know all staff etc and I'm friends with lots on Facebook. Last week I made a comment on fb about the football and a man from where is was staying added a couple of comments. Within a few minutes I got a text from my fiance saying i was making him look like a c*. No contact from him until I got home yesterday only to be dumped by text. In total shock

Thanks to everyone for the advice. 48 hours with no contact 😱 lol

Well done with the no contact, and don’t let your mum become a ‘flying monkey’ for him. If she insists on still having contact with him, tell her you don’t want to talk to her about it or for her to tell you anything about him.

saying i was making him look like a c*.

Perhaps you should text back saying "you don't need any help from me on that score."

The thing about "Mustapha" being well-endowed..... Well, he's playing away and projecting it onto you to make himself feel better about cheating.

Your mum has shit taste.

If anyone cheated on my daughter, hit her and was now attacking her and dumping her for having some friendly discussion on FB - I wouldn't "like" him.

I'd have been discretely looking into getting someone to hit him over the head with something and push him into a canal; joking of course (mostly).

Aw and men who crack up because they see contact between you and another male are like that because the only way their mind works is that it had to be inappropriate/sexual/flirty - because that's the only format their own contact with the opposite sex can have.

One dimensional and sleazy.

As for it being because it makes him look like a fool (don't entirely believe that) pooh, what a big man with a big big ego. Does he watch his every slight interaction with others so it doesn't make you 'look like a fool'.

Fk I've just read about her going round to give him the duty free - wtf is wrong with your mother?

WTF id your mother on?!

He's an absolute shit. Your mother has taken it to a new level.

Well done on the no contact lass. Keep it up.

Im obviously not condoning any abuse but why TF would you add hospital workers on FB?

Wow - your mum is being a bit of dick.
Why isn't she supporting you on this?
Well done on blocking him.
He's a controlling, nasty, cheating piece of crap.
Keep going with NC and work on yourself.
As recommended - call Womens Aid and sign up to do their Freedom Programme.
It's a course to help you avoid these kinds of men in future.
Helps with your self-esteem and boundaries.
Teaches you how to deal with it all and be assertive.
Worth a go!
I'm 50 and single and I love it.

OP I am not surprised you returned to this man after a previous abusive relationship with him, your mothers actions show that you probably have no sense of how much you are really worth as you were never shown it. I would let him go and do whatever the fuck he wants in life, far away from you hopefully, but I am more worried about the actions of your mum, excusing his behaviour, minimizing his abuse and then maintaining contact after his latest verbal abuse of you. I think you need to take a step back from her for now, take care of yourself for a bit.

Hospital workers?? I dont understand 🤔

It's very hard keeping up the no contact, plus I live with my mum since my dad passed away so it's hard to get away from it. Thank God I work long hours 🤣🤣

My ex was fantastic with us both when we lost my dad and I really thought he had changed, now 2 years later, he has shocked me with this behaviour

But it will get easier!! Don’t give in Ju - there is nothing he is going to say to you that’s ever going to make you feel better. He’s a controlling twat and you KNOW you are better of without him.

Shylo I know that. And I know if I saw him he'd put on the injured soldier act and I'd feel sorry for him. I'm a soft idiot lol

Our mothers may be older and experienced but not always wise and right.
Do not follow her lead.

Your ex is abusive and crude.

It’s a shame ... you didn’t get a chance to open the duty free and substitute it with vinegar. (Nothing toxic like dishwashing liquid) That’s about the only loss I can see here.

What is it with parents? This is the 3rd thread I've read on here recently about women trying to get away from abusive men and their parents won't accept it and keep enabling their daughters abuser!

IndieTara for my mum it's a mix of things.

She is embarrassed hee daughter would be divorced. She has always very much been a 'what will people think!' Type. Apparently is disastrous to her bragging.

Seemingly not an issue that her beloved son in law is a rapist.

Also, she never really liked me. I was brought up in a very sexist environment my education was worth bothering with as I was definitely going to be a sahm. When I kept my career, she disapproved and felt sorry that exh had to do half the house work and childcare.
I am sure she thinks the abuse was my fault for not being a home maker (as she calls it). If dh hadn't have had to do stuff around the house all would have been fine.

She is totally forgetting that exh was also shit with money and I sorted out most of the bills. While he hid his earnings from me.

No one needs to make him “look a cunt” he’s clearly got that one covered all by himself .
Seconded!!

I'm 53 and the thought of starting over again is daunting tbh, but I know I've just been drifting along with him. First time round he did hit me a few times and I do feel we were getting to that stage again. And yet I feel bad for hurting him
OP being on your own, even if you were marooned on a desert island, is better than being in a toxic relationship like this. You've had a narrow escape - you sound far too nice for this [expletive deleted] abusive idiot. 🌹

Atm I'm veering between anger and sadness lol
Indifference, when you get to that stage, will be better.

Be sad and angry at your mother though - shocking that she's behaving as though nothing has happened. Isn't she supposed to have your back?

You'll have to ban her from discussing him with you when you are home - do let her know how really unacceptable this is.

I wish I could upload a screenshot of the Facebook comments that made him so angry. You would be astounded at how innocent it was. I was stunned

Being a contrary moo, if someone made a crude comment about another man obviously having a big cock, I'd agree but then add that even a Dachshound dick would look huge compared to his. But then, I have a forked tongue....

Really struggling with this no contact thing. I know I'm being stupid but I can't get him out of my head 😳

You're not being stupid. This is, sadly, going to take a bit of time. Be kind to yourself though I know it's not so easy when you're thinking things you "shouldn't".