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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just come back from holiday

109 replies

Ju2166 · 18/05/2019 20:54

I've just got back from a holiday abroad with my mum. We go to the same hotel every year so know all staff etc and I'm friends with lots on Facebook. Last week I made a comment on fb about the football and a man from where is was staying added a couple of comments. Within a few minutes I got a text from my fiance saying i was making him look like a c*. No contact from him until I got home yesterday only to be dumped by text. In total shock

OP posts:
Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 12:38

Yes she knows he hit me in the past. He is very charismatic and she has very seen his other side. We lost my dad suddenly 2 years ago and he was very good with both of us at that time. Dad would be horrified to think I'd got back with him lol. We got him duty free at beginning of the holiday and my mum is taking hers to him tomorrow 😱 against my wishes

OP posts:
Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 12:53

Theperturbedpengiun the comments were about a football match, about 5 in all, with an online friend, not even someone ive met in person. Banter

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 19/05/2019 12:53

That is unsupportive of your mum. Suggest not discussing your ex with her as she clearly has poor judgment on this matter.

Ariela · 19/05/2019 12:54

What was he doing while you were on holiday?
Sounds like a lame excuse, to blame you for fraternising with other men, when in fact he spent the week with new OW>
I'll bet you £10 to charity of your choice a new OW emerges in a few days time.

Leakinglikeacolander · 19/05/2019 12:58

Bloody Hell, that's really crap of your mum.

Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 12:59

Ariela you are probably correct 😳

OP posts:
GinUnicorn · 19/05/2019 13:00

OP you really deserve so much better and I’m surprised your mother is trying to excuse him.

Sorry you are going through this.

donajimena · 19/05/2019 13:04

Do you really need your stuff? If its high value and you can't replace it fair enough. If its knickers and a toothbrush I'd tell him to bin it.

MzHz · 19/05/2019 13:12

Your mother is trying to keep you in a relationship with an abusive and controlling cunt?*

Your mother wants you to be a victim of domestic violence?

Tell her that if she takes the duty free to this man then she’s made her choice and had better move in with him, cos you’re out.

*his own words

Movinghouseatlast · 19/05/2019 13:17

You haven't hurt him, he has hurt you. He doesn't look like cunt, he IS a cunt.

You have had a lucky escape from a controlling partner, who by the sounds of it would have just got worse.

My mum had a lifetime of misery with a man like this who she couldn't get away from. Don't let that be you.

FuriousVexation · 19/05/2019 13:28

My mum reckons he is acting like this because he's hurting

Yeah from trying to fit a size 10 wanker into a size 8 shoe.

My mum was like that about one of my exes. Funnily enough it was the one who earned the most. More funnily, I no longer speak to her.

SunniDay · 19/05/2019 13:31

Hi OP,
Yes get rid - very controlling.
Don’t worry about your mum taking him duty free - ask her to return your key while she is there and to collect any of your things. Then move on with your life x

beerandpopcorn · 19/05/2019 13:36

Gobsmacked by your mum!!!!!😡

Apileofballyhoo · 19/05/2019 13:37

Don't listen to your mother. My mother is bad but she'd never say anyone who hit me was acceptable. She has a very strange attitude. You've had a very lucky escape. Do the freedom programme.

poglets · 19/05/2019 14:37

@FuriousVexation

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Such a good thing to say.

Icandothisallday · 19/05/2019 14:54

OP my parents and I have no contact because they feel I was wrong to leave the man who abused me and raped me. Yes they do know. They are in contact with him daily.

Sometimes you have to realise that your parents, donr have your best interests at heart and like other people more than they love you.

Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 16:11

Omg thats awful. When he's nice he's lovely, but I know that's not enough. What is the freedom programme ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 16:15

Forgot to say that my holiday was in morocco, and another text i had yesterday was "Mustafa must have had a big cock "

OP posts:
Oxford9090 · 19/05/2019 16:17

Don't take him back!

Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 16:17

Atm I'm veering between anger and sadness lol

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 19/05/2019 16:24

Be strong. You do NOT need him in your life.

I’d put money on him cheating too.

Onward & upward. Don’t fall for any of his bullshit.

As for your Mum, 🙄 just that really.

BeenThereDone · 19/05/2019 16:28

I'd pour the duty free down the bloody sink before I'd let her give it him!!

MzHz · 19/05/2019 17:59

Anger and sadness is ok love, it’s to be expected

You are angry because you have an absolute right to be, and your mother’s attempts to keep you in an unsafe relationship speaks volumes.about her. It will also destabilise you, that’s what it’s intended to do, sadly.

Sadness is absolutely appropriate- not only has he shown you who he is, your mother has too and you’ve lost the illusion of 2 people you trusted to be there for you and keep you safe. Neither one is there for you and neither one will keep you safe.

Only you can do that

Block him.

Keep her at a good distance at the very least.

Original poster
Ju2166 · 19/05/2019 20:18

I've blocked him on everything

OP posts:
Dimebag10M · 19/05/2019 22:35

Try and let it be water off a ducks back... he doesnt deserve you and even he knows it! You are too much of a bloody good person to be tarnished by someone like him. You will just have to let your mum learn her own lessons, just coz he sees him doesnt mean you have to. Be strong, not that you need it Flowers