Emotional affair opinions pls

[Gutted74]

Hi my husband had an emotional affair last year with a neighbour. We moved house for a 'fresh start' with him promising no more contact. I gave him that chance because we've been together so long and have children and nothing like this had ever happened before between us.

Anyway I don't know why but I had a niggling gut feeling so a couple of weeks back I logged into his mobile account online expecting to find nothing, just looking for peace of mind I suppose that she was still out of the picture. Well what i did find was call upon call upon call, mostly daily and multiple times a day from a week after we moved in until the present day. For examplw one month he had spoken to me in total for 5 hrs but 17 hrs to her!!! So much for a fresh start. I was so angry I text her and told her to stop calling and texting my husband etc etc. Of course she was straight on the phone to my husband. Cue him contacting me and practically begging me to believe it is only phone calls (which I actually believe but that really isn't the point is it?) and they just get on well. What u need to speak to a friend 9 times a day with some calls being a 1 in the morning (She's a single mother by the way).

Since then our daughter broke her arm very badly and had to have surgery so it was obviously put on the back burner as my daughter is more important. She's back home now on the mend and stupidly I looked at the screenshots I took of his excessive calls and it's all hit me like a truck again today. I can't look him in the eye. And yet I love him so much. Is it possible to hate some and love them at the same time because that's how I feel. He knew how much it would hurt me if I found out yet he did it anyway. He said to me that he knew he should tell me but he didn't know how. To me that's a cop out.

So I just want anyone who has been thought this emotional.affair rubbish with their husbands to give me some words of wisdom, as I dont really have anyone I can talk to confidentially about this. Did your marriage survive this kind of infidelity? If do how did you work through it? Or did you end things?

I'm so torn. I thought I was a strong person and would never tolerate this crap from my husband but I feel broken and just want to shut myself away. I know no one can tell me what to do I would just like to hear about other women's experiences. Thanks for reading

I'd have booted his unfaithful arse out already OP, I'm sorry but how many times do you need to be shown who this man truly is...

Gutted...don't forget that there are still ways of messaging that will not appear on phone records eg WhatsApp, Telegram etc so please don't be lulled into a false sense of security just because you don't see anything on the phone bill.

I have access to his phone records so I will be keeping an eye out

Well good luck to you but really, why would anyone want to live like this? If he isn’t faithful of his own free will but just because you’re constantly checking up on him then what’s the point?

@gutted74, I know you are frightened and you want to hold on to what's familiar. I just want to say that in my experience having to police your partner is not a relationship, it will make you both unhappy, and that is if he never cheats again, which he may, based on previous behaviour.
Lots of people will do try to carry on and it works for them I'm sure but I did not like the person I had to become. I didn't like not having a partner, nor the constant shadow and threat of betrayal. There is a better life if you want it.

Well good luck to you but really, why would anyone want to live like this? If he isn’t faithful of his own free will but just because you’re constantly checking up on him then what’s the point?

I have to agree... OP you know you deserve better than this right

I’ve made it very clear to my H that anything similar and I end it. Like you (in my case it’s 24 years ) it’s a lot just to give up, in your case though he has persisted, I would come right to the point, any contact and you end things.

Is this honestly how you want to live? Having to check your husbands phone records so you know he’s not cheating on you again?

You moved house and still he contacted her. You caught him a second time and rather than block her immediately and put your feelings first he wanted additional time to break it off with her?

They will remain in contact via WhatsApp/messenger/different numbers/whatever it takes.

He has shown you who he is and you have forgiven him twice. I hope it works out for you and you’re one of the success stories but I think you know deep down that he’ll do it again.

You’ve forgiven him twice, he won’t believe that you won’t forgive him a third time. He has no reason to change when there’s no consequences to his behaviour.

You may have access to his text and phone call records not WhatsApp when I got pissed off my dh was having to much contact with a someone they just moved the contact to WhatsApp.
He may have deleted her number but again in my case he had it secretly written down and you can block and unblock someone at the touch of a button
Good luck op I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide to do

Not what you dreamt of when you got married this was it? Sadly a lot of men know that even if found out, their DW default will be to stay and try and keep the family together. My mother was one and he just kept doing it. People are human though and make mistakes so for some it will be a one off and never to be repeated. Still sucks though.

How are you doing now OP?