Recently separated, can't believe DH has a new gf already

[Namechangedjustthistime]

Hi all, I have NCed for this because I am afraid it might be outing, however I am a regular here on the Relationships board. I'd like to get some impartial perspective on my situation, I can't decide if I am being petty or my feelings are somewhat justified.

DH and I decided to separate 4 months ago. It had been a long time coming, the relationship hadn't been good for several years, we had been living like friendly flatmates and had no emotional or physical intimacy. In fact I was the one who brought about the topic of separation a few years ago, then we agreed to try harder and commit to couple counselling. Things improved for a bit, and then they slipped back to the usual situation. We kept plodding along while growing further and further apart. We discussed separation several times over the years, and every time we resolved to give the marriage another go.

Fast forward to last November, seemingly "out of the blue" he brings up the topic of separation again, and tells me he is tired of living a half life and that he thinks we should separate. After a few of months of painful discussions, we agreed to separate. He moved out after two further months, so two months ago. Things between us have been relatively amicable ever since, although it is still painful and awkward of course.

Yesterday he came over to drop off the DC, and he told me he has been seeing someone for a couple of months. No plan to involve DC for the upcoming future, but apparently he really likes her and thinks the relationship could become more serious. Bloody hell!!

I feel really upset and heartbroken. I know we mutually agreed to separate and it was the right thing to do for everyone involved. I know he has not cheated, but he moved out only a couple of months ago ffs.

How could he move on so quickly after 20 years and 3 DC together? The idea that he might have been seeing OW while still living under my same roof sickens me. I don't think he had an affair before we separated, although of course I can't know for sure. I think he is being very selfish in openly pursuing a relationship so quickly after separating. It feels like he is throwing it in my face. I can't even think about dating someone else!!

Do you think it is normal that I feel this way about the situation? Isn't his behaviour really insensitive and selfish? We were a family unit until a couple of months ago ffs!!

Thanks for your comments.

I think people are being a bit hard on OP.

Regardless of how the marriage was, it'll take time to grieve the end.
Be kind to yourself. Spend some time with family and friends. Put your profile up on Tinder for fun even if you don't go out with anyone.

I found that to be helpful. Laughing with my DSis over the weirdos and getting some positive attention isn't a bad thing.

Destinationunknown1
Sorry but I'm not understanding the logic here. You were both miserable, you tried, realised you had no connection, you decided to end it.
So why are you upset he's happy dating someone?

I have to agree with the above, you both wanted out so it's unrealistic to think he wouldn't look for someone else. How long did you expect him to wait? If the marriage was as dead as you say it was, on both sides, I don't understand why it matters.

However, I would argue that the separation was actually properly complete only when he moved out, as before then we were still living together, albeit not sharing a bed. The way I saw that period was like a transition, I certainly did not think he would go out and start dating someone else while coming back home to me every night!! I know realise he probably saw it differently.

You say you didn't expect him to go out and start dating someone else while coming back home to me every night!! but he wasn't coming home to you was he, you had separate bedrooms and he was just coming home. He probably viewed that time as a house share arrangement.