Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

something is wrong and i dont know what to do next (this may get long and complicated- sorry)

124 replies

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 12:12

hi, i am a regular who has changed names for obv reasons

dh and i have been married for 7 yrs and have 3 young children. in the past he has been unfaithful to me (as in he slept with someone else) , we stayed together as it seemed really out of character and in part i kind of blamed myself a bit as i hadnt wanted to have sex for literally ages (2nd child was 4 months old at the time it happened but i didnt find out til about 6 months later).

anyway, just got back from family holiday last week, i had thought that things were going ok , we had had a nice time, he suddenly announces that he has to go back to work a few days earlier than planned as a big job has come in and he needs to see to it. so last night, he was going to be working late, he is normally back 6.30 ish to put kids to bed but i wasnt expecting him til about 10. anyway, at 6.30, he rang me while i was bathing the kids. nothing strange there. then i put kids to bed, did dishes etc and then decided to do 1471 to check that noone else had called me while i was sorting the kids out (as was waiting for a call from my brother). anyway, it was the call dh had made to me, except it wasnt his work number, it was completely different (but still a local number). this is now an hour or so after he called me from it. so i summoned up the courage and rang the number and a woman answered. i made an excuse about having a wrong number and rang off. so then, i decided to call dh at his work and he was there so that was an hour and a quarter after he had phoned me seemingly from this womans number.

so i was going to confront him last night, spent whole evening feeling a horrible sick feeling and later on that evening i casually mentioned that i had done 14713 thinking it was my brother and got straight through to a girl who didnt know what i was talking about. he was flippant about it and wandered off. later i scribbled down the number and showed him and asked if he recognised the number as it was really bugging me who it couldve been. he barely glanced at it and just said no stright away. so i then put the number in my bag. this morning it is gone. he also has taken to hiding away his mobile phone when he always used to leave it out in the same place.

so now obv am feeling really shitty and dont know what to do next. how can i approach him about it? becausce whether theres something going on or not his answer is likely to be the same. and dont want to come over all bunny boilerish if nothing is going on. just have this bad feeling i cant shake off. i would rather know obv one way or the other. do you think iam reading too much into this or would you be suspicious too? god, i just feel sick. any advice gratefully receieved.

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 19/07/2007 15:10

I'm ok thank you Well no I'm not. But this has been coming for a while now and I do think I'm probably better off without the lying cheating arse hole!! But it's just not what I want

Anyway - that's not looking good is it?
Any way you could 'turn up' at work this evening to surprise him? Eg take him a picnic for his tea or something as an excuse?

eleusis · 19/07/2007 15:11

I think you should do as Custy advised and get financial matters in order. Make sure you have account numbers, proof of his income, etc. You will need it. Take the computer out of the house if you think it has anything he might want to delete.

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 15:37

i just text him and said did he really have to work late tonight as i want to talk to him.
that was about 20 mins ago. he hasnt replied.

OP posts:
worriedwife · 19/07/2007 15:43

mylittlestar, dont worry about phoning again. i am just going to have it out with him and directly ask him. am starting to feel better already, kind of in control iykwim.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 19/07/2007 15:43

call him at work then

I agree if he says he must then turn up there

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 15:46

eleusis, he isnt a tosser really. i know he sounds it. thats why its weird, he's genuinely a nice chap. maybe there isnt anything to get worked up about at all and its all some big misunderstanding. the thing is once you get something in your mind thats it then you cant see anything else. reasonable explanations fly out the window. i hope i have been wrong and this is some big misunderstanding

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 19/07/2007 15:47

ok good for you. you sound much more positive already.

I will definitely not try again. But if you need me you know where I am!

good luck tonight. I'm off to get ds now xx

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 15:47

thanks mls!!!

OP posts:
eleusis · 19/07/2007 15:50

I don't know. I think where there's smoke thre's fire. He should be trying to explain things to you and reassure you. But he is distancing himself, and I can't help but think there must be a reason.

I'm sorry though, this must be vry difficult.

CountessDracula · 19/07/2007 15:52

If he knows you are suspicious I very much doubt that he would go there again tonight

I think you need a private detective"!!

SpiderBaby · 19/07/2007 15:53

if its ringing with no answer because its her home number then i would try it again later when your dh is 'supposed' to be working late (which he may well be) but ring his work aswell when he is working late to check he is there

CountessDracula · 19/07/2007 15:58

you are doing 141 or whatever it is before you call I hope

My phone records each incoming call so I can see if someone has rung repeatedly

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 16:22

i think i have made a really stupid stupid mistake with all this. well, no i know i have made a horrible mistake as i have just worked out who the phone number belongs to as she called me and i know who she is. bloody bloody hell, she must have phoned literally almost at same time as dh last night and either couldnt get through or didnt let it ring or something. i dont know how. but def nothing suspicious with regards to the phone call which is where this nightmare began.

I FEEL LIKE SUCH A TIT and you have all been so kind and i have the shittest day ever feeling sick with worry and everything and its all over nothing.

so so so sorry girls

OP posts:
SpiderBaby · 19/07/2007 16:23

pmsl

well its good its OK!

tiredemma · 19/07/2007 16:24

doesnt explain why the number was removed from your bag though????

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 16:27

no thats true and its def not there. maybe he thought he was helping to tidy up ?

OP posts:
purplepoppet · 19/07/2007 16:27

...but why has he been hiding his phone and why did he take the phone number out of your bag??

I'm so sorry, I don't mean to upset you again...but are you sure there's absolutely no way it is this woman...that he hasn't got her to call you to get him off the hook so to speak??

Apologies again, I'm sounding very cynical...it's just I've been there and know how easy it is to convince yourself that its all in your head

Big hugs to you xx

purplepoppet · 19/07/2007 16:28

...it's just it doesn't explain his shifty behaviour, does it??

More hugs xx

wolveschick · 19/07/2007 16:38

Great to see happy ending. Were you happy before this call? If so, just put it behind you and stop suspecting or it will eat you up. He may well have taken the number-maybe he wanted to see who it was as he was worried about you being upset/ losing you.

Dumbledior · 19/07/2007 16:39

She might have called you to ensure that you didn't think he was with her at the time. Is she someone he could be having an affair with?

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 16:49

i dont think so unless hes going through an early midlife crisis- she is late forties at best, kind of frazzled lookng and life-weary. . i think i'm safe with regards to her. but youre right he is acting shifty. maybe something else is going on that i dont know about....

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 19/07/2007 16:50

i would be on HIGH alert tbh

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 16:52

well he will be coming home expecting me to be wanting a 'talk' so maybe something will come out of that. i was going to make something up that i wanted to chat about but i might even tell him the truth about wh yi have been worried and all that (i thought) had gone on and see what happens. maybe i am a bit naiive about his behaviour and how he is seen by other women and how he percieves me.
i think he will prob think i've gone loopy

OP posts:
hurtwife · 19/07/2007 17:24

Hey dont let looks lul you into a false security one day i will let you all see the photo of my h ow and anyone in rl who has seen it says he must have been totally mad. Even people who know her say that. I am not sure that makes it better or not though.

worriedwife · 19/07/2007 17:30

i know what you mean. if he had been having it away with this woman on the phone i think i would be extra mortified than if she was a real stunner cos he must have found her more attractive than me (and actually tbh i think i'm ok!)

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread