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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Inlaws

315 replies

snoopy18 · 16/05/2019 07:33

In-laws are headed over staying for close to 6 weeks 🤦🏾‍♀️

Baby is almost 10 weeks so they are coming to visit.

Any tips on getting through 6 weeks?

Other half is off for 4 thankfully but isn’t a planner & right now... zero plans 🤦🏾‍♀️

OP posts:
PepsiLola · 28/05/2019 09:26

Well I'll compliment you! Your body has done the most amazing thing in the world, and made another life! Your body is bloody amazing!

Sod off his short ass mum (no offence anyone I'm only 5'1" 😂)

snoopy18 · 28/05/2019 11:27

@Weenurse I had it wrong it’s 32 days yay!

@PepsiLola thank you! You are sooo right we are super women 💪🏾 I love my body and how strong it’s been creating life forget anyone else 💪🏾

OP posts:
Weenurse · 29/05/2019 09:05

What are they up to today?

snoopy18 · 29/05/2019 09:12

@Weenurse probably not a lot - had the house to myself yesterday as OH took them into city again. Me and the baby relaxing 😀 I’m off out for a coffee with a friend soon then a meeting for work today so they’ll probably do something around here who knows 🤣 they are off to family on Friday for a few nights it looks like 😆 also my OH told her off for calling me fat 🤣

OP posts:
fedup21 · 29/05/2019 09:18

What a long trip!!

When is your DH at work and what will they do then?

Weenurse · 29/05/2019 09:21

Well at least you will get the weekend to yourselves

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 29/05/2019 10:41

So then op, you have the week end to move.
Give no forwarding address!!!

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 29/05/2019 11:11

6 weeks is a very long time for them to stay in a small house when you have a new baby but I don't think that the way you are posting here and going out of your way to avoid them is positive for you.

Your husband was very wrong to invite them for an additional 2 weeks as 4 weeks was more than long enough but the way you are posting here it seems like you really can't stand your husband and that you aren't at all interested in getting to know his family?

Obviously, don't let you MIL insult you about your weight and do stand up for yourself but you will find the time passes easier if you try to relax and maybe get to know them a bit better.

You can still enjoy this time with your baby and make them feel welcome.

Helenj1977 · 29/05/2019 11:21

If you need to, don't hide the bodies under the patio. Far too obvious...

You need a medal op 🏅 Seriously don't know how you are managing!! Just keep thinking how nice it will be to get your house back soon!

stucknoue · 29/05/2019 11:54

If they are traveling a long way, maybe they could take a trip somewhere for a few days to break it up for you - my friends parents always came for month but would got somewhere in Europe for a long weekend half way through

MarniLou · 29/05/2019 13:31

Yes, I'm with you Monday as I posted earlier. I know 6 weeks is a long time ( I did this too as a new mum, two DC's in tow, to stay abroad with my family) but these people are family, they must feel like outsiders. They are, afterall, your LO's grandparents.
Time for yourself OP, but also time for your LO to get to know his/her grandparents, time for you to build relationships as a family ( which includes your extended family). This is life long, what are you going to do next year, the year after?

Shameful behaviour, I would be so, so sad if my DC's dealt with me in this way,

LittleRedMushroom · 29/05/2019 15:02

House guests when the LO is only 10 weeks old is crazy.
Can you go stay with your mum?

Cherrysoup · 29/05/2019 17:33

I get that they want to see the baby, but omg, 6 weeks is INSANE. My parents always stay in a hired house when they go to Oz to see family. Having a new born and visitors for 6 weeks is cruel, IMO, not to mention thick skinned, inconsiderate and many other horrible words. Have they no brain? Has you husband none either?

RandomMess · 29/05/2019 17:55

You are a saint!!!

Xyzzzzz · 29/05/2019 20:40

Glad your OH stuck up for you regarding the weight. No need for them to make comments

snoopy18 · 30/05/2019 05:20

@fedup21 no idea what they will do to be honest 🤷🏾‍♀️ There’s only so many times you can go into town etc etc

@Weenurse yeah definately - I think OH gets it now like even time with the baby feels split so the last few mornings baby has been with him upstairs and inlaws are a bit like 🙄 but we won’t get time back with baby at this age so we need to make the most of it too as he still sleeps a lot he’s only small

@MondayTuesdayWednesday I don’t think OH has gone the right way about it - it’s my home too & he should have discussed the changes to their plans ahead of them getting here. MIL shouldn’t be saying stuff about my weight when I’ve just had a baby - women need to support one another not be trying to put others down. It’s uncalled for and has a negative impact on many women postpartum especially. I find it rather annoying when they ask the same questions over and over again etc and moan about things. I am trying to get to know them and they are welcome here anytime but they could have been logical about it and hired a Airbnb for 2/3 weeks and split the time. I can’t relate to just landing into someone’s house with zero plans and expecting them to just take you around constantly. It’s been nearly 2 weeks and OH has been out with them almost every day - which is fine as that’s why he’s booked time off but it shows disregard to other people’s time family or not. They aren’t monsters but it’s too much to have them in my space for that long. We have 5 humans and a dog in a 2 bed room - thankfully we have a conservatory which is used as a proper living space too and they’ve taken over the office as a bedroom. It’s just a nightmare. They are welcome anytime just hire a Airbnb or something though.

@Helenj1977 I’m looking forward to it 😂 almost 2 weeks down 🙈

@stucknoue I was told they would be meeting some friends but that’s not happening any longer 🙄 they are going to visit some family for a few days Friday so hopefully that will give us some breathing room.

@MarniLou they are more than welcome to see their grandson but he’s small still & is sleeping a lot so the time he is awake is mostly for feed / nappy bit of play and back to sleep. OH will be going to visit them as usual it’s not feasible for myself and baby to be going every year long term because there are other places I want to take baby to visit not just the same country on repeat for years to come. The whole point of being self employed though is freedom and so I’m carrying on with this but when baby is nursery etc it will make it more challenging. Just one of those things it is what it is. I don’t think it’s shameful behaviour - I’ve been welcoming and suggested things to do and have been out with them etc so I may be posting just the negatives - I’ve defo been trying & letting them spend as much time as poss with baby ie when awake I’ll feed and get him changed and let him play downstairs ASAP before he’s ready to sleep again.

@LittleRedMushroom I can but it stresses me out being away from my own house I love my homely comforts & own space 🙈 unless I’m on holiday of course

@Cherrysoup I don’t know if it’s a male thing to be honest.... I wouldn’t dream of going somewhere for 6 weeks with no plans but I’m a traveller and appreciate my time & experiences and would hate to just be somewhere and have zero plans - grandkids or not!

@RandomMess I think so too 😂 my mum is surprised I haven’t lost my shit yet - doesn’t know that I have silently 😂

@Xyzzzzz same - mentioned it to his sister and she said they don’t mean any harm by it 🤦🏾‍♀️ Then again she ain’t had a baby so can’t relate 🙄

OP posts:
Mamamiais · 30/05/2019 07:29

@snoopy18 I was thinking about you and wonder if suggesting a coach holiday might be an option. E.g www.jonesholidays.co.uk/Tours/England
That will give you a few days to yourself.

Figgygal · 30/05/2019 07:39

6 weeks in such a small space is a pressure cooker
Well done for getting this far

MorrisZapp · 30/05/2019 08:26

Mate, not having a go but how did you manage to marry and have a baby with a guy from another culture who's parents live overseas without expectations around this kind of thing coming up?

This is a MN staple, overbearing foreign in laws staying for ages. Do men lie about how modern they are then revert to sexist cultural norms once they've got you legally tied to them?

MorrisZapp · 30/05/2019 08:30

Sorry, that sounded a bit judgemental. Honestly, I just mean as a genuine question. Did they attend your wedding? Does he have siblings etc?

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 30/05/2019 14:23

Snoopy18

I'm not disagreeing with you in anyway. I think 4 weeks is way too long never mind adding an extra 2 weeks onto that without agreeing this with you. I'm more speaking about how you are handling this situation.

The problem here is your husband though. If it is normal in your In Law's culture to go and stay with family for extended periods of time then they won't have seen any problem with it. Your husband on the other hand knows that it shouldn't happen and should have dealt with it.

I totally agree that you MIL should not be commenting on your weight. Personally, I think you should pull her up on it if she says anything else like that.

My point was, that your in laws are in your home now. You're not going to throw them out (I take it) so you should try to make the best of a bad situation and get to know them.

I think you're getting all riled up by the posters on here who are egging you on. This type of thing always happens on here. People who have no experience of a situation goading a vulnerable poster for their own entertainment.

Hiding in your bedroom or sulking isn't going to help you in any way at all. It's not really something that grown women should be encouraging or doing. It doesn't achieve anything other than making yourself more miserable and isolated. Your relationship with your husband will suffer. Your relationship with your child will suffer if you are unhappy. I don't underestimate how hard it is having them there for so long but you have a choice in how you deal with it. You should deal with it in a way that makes you feel better. Your current attitude is not helping you at all. You don't have to wait on them hand and foot but you don't have to actively avoid them or move out as some posters have suggested. Take what good you can from the situation to get yourself through it and move on.

You can make it very clear that such a long visit will never ever happen again! You will need your husband to get this message loud and clear.

snoopy18 · 31/05/2019 06:53

They want to take a trip but with us @Mamamiais I’m leaving it to other half to look into it because I always end up planning stuff - he never does so perfect opportunity to do so!

@MorrisZapp yeah when we got married though they rented a Airbnb / apartment to stay in along with other family members - they paid for it - so in all honesty I thought they would do the same again when / if they ever visited. Common sense really in my opinion but obviously not...

@MondayTuesdayWednesday I’m not sulking or hiding away in my bedroom - I’m just doing what I normally do. Have spent time with them bit hard to avoid when they are here in my space - but I prefer small doses. I’m not the type to sit around mingling with family members all day everyday even immediate family never mind inlaws 😂

OP posts:
Weenurse · 31/05/2019 09:10

30 days to go.
I dare you to find a way to bring tiaras or unicorns into the conversation today. 😎
Just to confuse them and amuse yourself.

snoopy18 · 31/05/2019 12:34

@Weenurse 😂 imagine! I’ll try it when they are back. OH has gone to take them to family’s house couple hours away. They’ll be gone couple nights which i was hoping for longer but again... that plan has fell through too. Nightmare.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 01/06/2019 01:00

At least you have a couple of nights to relax and just be.

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