Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

That’s an impressive total of messages @JeSuisPrest (and @WarIsPeace). By comparison, MrSG and I have only exchanged 13,574 messages in the last 10 months.

I’m glad everything is going so well and that you talked to him rather than running as fast as you could.

I don’t think you did anything wrong @Bigfanofcheese. Asking about exclusivity before sleeping with someone is totally standard behaviour. He just wasn’t a keeper obviously.

I’m not sure that I believe in ‘authentic selves’. Or that communication practices are built into your DNA. People have habits and patterns of behaviour but they can (and do) change depending on the circumstances. I, for example, am a flakey communicator. I’m shit by email, text or phone. But not with MrSG. I find that I want to communicate with him so I put more effort in.

putastraw you most definitely can go there! Why not have some fun while you're looking for someone to date!

Well I'm hugely embarrassed to say me and one iron exchanged 58,000 messages in 6.5 months

I have now deleted all my big chats in horror 😂

In my defence I am very chatty 😂

Well I'm hugely embarrassed to say me and one iron exchanged 58,000 messages in 6.5 months

I hereby declare Daffo winner of the WhatsApp Top Trumps 😂

Wow Daffo that is some chatting

I was just about to say "jesus christ coco you're a chatterbox" and then I read Daffo's post - 58k in 6 months!!!!

I feel like I need to up my game, 2k in 6 weeks, rubbish!

bigfan from a blokes viewpoint no that's not an unreasonable question, perfectly normal.

30 for the time you've been seeing him, you should be well past "casual dating" by now imo. Personally I think now is the time for you to spell out clearly what you want, even if it means you don't get the answer you'd like. But I think I'm only repeating what you already know and others have said.

@putastrawunderbaby 21 years! Ooof. You'll be pushing me off the cougar bench. Might be fun though

@30somethingandsingle hope the chat resolved stuff with Mr Fox. He sounds as if he's settled happily into something casual though...

@BatshitCrazyWoman I would really struggle with a widower. I never swipe right on them, it's all a bit Rebecca for me and I'd feel exactly the same as you. Having said that it's actually a bit daft! Fingers crossed there's not too much of her around..

@Crustaceans I've no idea how mr Unsuitable feels. We don't discuss feelings! He's most definitely a proper BF though. I see him about 3 times a week. I'm helping him with some practical stuff. But it can't be long term because of the age difference. I'm pretty sure he likes me rather a lot. Our message tally is rubbish though....under 3000 in nearly 3 months! We don't message much though.

58k messages. 😲

putastraw I read your post as "I have a new iron Mr Straight on Saturday" and thought does that mean he's not straight the other 6 days, so many questions...

And 21 years, sod it go for it. I slept with somebody 19 years younger than me just before I started OLD and I don't regret it 😁 Admittedly she was somebody I'd known (worked with) for a while, I was married at the time and although I think I knew she liked me she didn't say anything until she found out I was single.

"You will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do" Mark Twain or words to that effect.

Hello everyone, I posted yesterday about someone that I have been seeing for 3 months and him still being active on dating site. Well thanks to your replies I am going to see him tomorrow and call it a day. I am very new to online dating and I guess am probably very naive.
I would really appreciate some advice from you all about what constitutes a red flag or a positive. How do you navigate around the minefield of it all. I hope you don't mind me joining this thread x

Hello new sorry didn't have anything useful to add but just wanted to say hi!sure another poster will be along with loads of advice on red flags soon. The only one thing I'd say and which has been said many times before is to trust your gut.

newtothis - are you going to give him a chance to delete the apps or isn't he doing it for you?

Well, MrWow came round tonight but I've sent him home! I just didn't feel in the right frame of mind. Not feeling it. Nothing he's done or not done, just me. He is totally understanding but I feel like I am going to kill it. My son, with ASD, just wouldn't switch off tonight and i can't relax until he does. Feel so down and worthless. Sorry to put a downer on the thread.

Like life 30 and JeSuis I like a lot of communication. Mr BC and I don't tend to message during the working day as our jobs don't really allow it, but we do at other times. Talk on the phone once or twice a day. See each other one weeknight and over the weekend. Am going to check out WA .....

30 you need to talk to him - I wouldn't be happy with the casual dating remark ...

Simon I'm disgusted at those bigots 😡

putastraw go for it!

Talked things through with my counsellor about dating a widower. It did help. Her advice was of course to talk to him .....

@Newtothis2019 I think all you can do is trust your instincts. If something is telling you it's not quite right, it usually isn't. Do what you need do

@TooOldForThis67 Please have a good think about all the lovely things you've said about MrWow before you make any hasty decisions, you know how strongly he feels about you. Why are you feeling worthless?

Just skimming this - 58k messages! I thought Mr Runner was a relentless messenger but we've only done 187 in a week.

I moved off WA in March with Mr S. we did just 4500 messages between December and March. We are currently on radio silence. I don't think we have not spoken for a full day before this. Even when we broke up. I think I'm off the bench!! Back on the apps soon. Such fun...

Aw tooold my teenagers are wearing me out right now. I feel exhausted, full of guilt and a bit of a mess. So I know how you feel. It's ok not to be on top form all of the time. As and Mr Wow loves you and sees a future together he will understand that. Even if he feels a bit put out at first.

Jesuis - I don't work atm, I have loads of things that need doing at home but I have zero energy and mind fog. Not sure if it's menopausal. I have a health MOT coming up so think I might use that as an opportunity to discuss HRT. MrWow is very understanding but I could see the disappointment in his eyes last night.

I've sent MrMetal 5,912 in four months so feel a bit amateur. We do talk a lot on the phone though.

Sorry to hear it’s not going so well for lots of people. Gosh it feels like these threads all follow a theme and many of us end up in the same place at the same time - except me who cannot find anyone to have a 2nd date with never mind move to the smitten bench ☹️

I feel like I haven't posted in ages, but I've been reading all of the posts most days at work, and laughing at @vwman and his misogynistic views on women!

So my message count is 34,800 in three months But that's because we both have jobs that enable us to be able to message during the day and we pretty much talk constantly all day every day.

Still very much on this smitten bench you all speak of, we see each other three/four nights a week, I have a drawer at her house and she even bought me a new toothbrush the other day that has always sat alongside hers. It really is wonderful, and I appreciate we had a head start as even though we met and started talking on Tinder, my favourite work colleague is one of her best friends so I think she did a bit of setting up!

Also @richdeniro so happy for you! It's so true what people say, when you know, you know and it seems like you've got that feeling now. I hope you keep everyone updated on the thread about how it's going. It's also really lovely to see the old group, like @toooldforthis67 and @shitwithsugaron meeting decent people, I'm so glad it's finally happened for you!

Also @SimonJT I know exactly how it feels. As two women walking down the street if you're holding hands you can guarantee the type of look we are going to get. We are both very feminine so you get the whole 'it's a waste' comments under peoples breath, you also get the older people staring disapprovingly.

We went for a walk in the Northumbrian countryside on Wednesday after work, and the amount of older women, not so much men, who couldn't take their eyes off the fact our hands were clasped made me laugh. In this day and age it's ridiculous people need to spout those views to feel worthwhile in life. Ignore it, we do, and then we just have a good laugh at their bigotry!

@TooOldForThis67 Doesn't he bring more positive things to your life than he takes? A listening ear, hugs when you need them etc? Not just the romantic and sexual side of a relationship - would your life be a little more lonely for not having him in it? I really can't believe after everything you've said about him you would want to end things if there was any alternative?

Fuck 😞

After speaking to my counsellor, and her encouraging me to speak to Mr BC about my concerns about going to his house, I sent him a long voice message. Quite rambly. Accepting that these were totally my issues and that he didn't need to do anything. That I love him ...

He's been typing a reply for ages now (15 minutes, but not non-stop typing 😳). I feel like I've blown it and feel sick and sad 😢