Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

SimonJT - was this a first date? Am so ashamed of the attitudes of people sometimes, I hope it didn't spoil things for you.

Depends @lifegoes ... If they were unaware that their messaging was not reflecting how they actually felt they might be minded to be their authentic selves and act on that feedback.

To be honest it's not just about the communication.
He has said he is happy where we are with 'casually dating'. I want more than that

@HairyArsedMan I do agree with chatting about it. Which is what I've said quite a few times now regarding that situation.

But from experience asking someone to text more, be more loving in their texts etc. Just added more pressure as it's not who they are as a person.

@30somethingandsingle I still think with your situation (and it's exactly what I said last night.

You need to figure out what YOU exactly want from him. Then you need to chat face to face. I think as you get along better that way, it'll be better for you discuss. But you must be honest with him and not worry that saying the wrong thing will frighten him off.

In other news, closed down my dating profiles and cancelled subs. Not in a fit of pique but just because it was getting too much. I didn't want to feel like I was leaving women hanging and it was getting me down having to say no thanks (even infrequently) and it felt like my profile was wasting others time.

Hi all, whilst in the midst of some hardcore procrastination, I'm just looking back over a 2 month relationship last year. Met OLD, started really well but he seemed to palpably lose interest around the time we slept together after 4 or 5 dates although we saw each other for another month before he broke it off citing the distance and his working hours.

We lived about 2 hours apart so dates were only weekly. Just before we slept together for the first time, I asked him was anyone else on the scene. I wasnt pressuring him into a relationship but didnt really want to have sex if he was still seeing other people. I suppose it put him on the spot but I did this as I liked him a lot from very early on and the not knowing where I stood would've felt crappy.

Looking back, there were a few issues that mean I'm glad it didn't last, and I have met someone (reasonably early days) so I'm not hung up on this guy but I'm just wondering, was what i said really intense and off putting? I can handle the truth!!

Suppose I am.wondering as whilst the guy I have been seeing is really handsome, kind, decent and good to me, we don't have anything like as much in common or a similar outlook as one or two I met previously (including the one mentioned above). I am trying to work out where I am going wrong with the ones I really hit it off with then fizzle out.

Evening all, just checking in to new thread after a fab 24 hrs with Mr Cornish. Our longest date so far...

So we talked about the elephant in the room pretty quickly - he called me a daft sod for thinking he'd be looking elsewhere when I'm the best thing since sliced bread (or words to that effect) which reassured me a lot, I apologised profusely for being a twat, he said if I wanted to talk about it he was happy to do that, we hugged it out and carried on as normal. He still thinks the therapy is overkill but we chatted about it a little this morning and he gets it now. I told him about the making myself more vulnerable aspect and trusting people to make the right decisions themselves, rather than trying me trying to control them. For me that was the first step in making myself vulnerable to him - admitting I had a problem 🤷🏻‍♀️. Waiting for my Brene Brown book to arrive- thank you to PP who recommended it.

Lovely evening, lazy morning, afternoon on the beach, cheesy chips and coffee at the pub. Perfect day. Dates lined up for Sat and Sunday. We definitely seem to be synching our brains - saying the same things at the same time etc. I've told him I've got custody of the joint brain until the weekend 😂

Like Lifegoes and 30something I absolutely need lots of validation and reassurance. I admit it. I'm a needy fucker. Fortunately for me, Mr Cornish is the same - I can't walk past him without being hugged, his messages are heartfelt and frequent, he's passionate, not afraid of PDA (within reason!). I checked our WhatsApp and we've sent nearly 3,000 messages in 6 weeks. Yeah, we like to talk 🙈😂

Sorry, a bit epic- off to read rest of thread now.

@JeSuisPrest I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!

I'm so happy for you 😘😘😘

Oh dear JeSuis I've just looked at WA and we're on 4400 in about 8 weeks. We do chat a lot. Plus phone calls most days and we even see each other IRL too...
I'm not usually a big texter tbf

And we use messenger quite a bit as well... Mostly so my ex doesn't see I'm online on WA

Posts to catch up on, but Simon I'm honestly gobsmacked in this day and age you still have to put up with that!
I know you must have built up such a thick skin to it by now, but honestly it's not acceptable and hopefully it's a minority view these days.
I need to go back and read the rest of your post to see how your date went but I feel the need to be indignant, wankers!!! 😤

Simon whether you're allowed to drink at lunch or not I don't know, but I always find 1 lunchtime pint feels like 2-3 night time pints when you get back to work 😁
Jesuis great update, very pleased for you both!
30 "casual dating"?? Think he needs a bit of a reality check as to how long you've been dating and your expectations moving forwards.

How do you see how many WhatsApp messages you send?

simon I am appalled! Do you live in a big city? It really worries me that in this day and age people still make comments like this :(

30 sorry to hear you are where you are. It's a tough position figuring out whether your needs are being met or not but it sounds like you are fairly sure where you stand

bigfan I don't think there is anything wrong with asking someone before you sleep with them if they are seeing anyone else. Even if it wasn't from an emotional perspective, from a purely sexual health perspective it is better to know (condom or no condom!). So please don't blame yourself. I think it's a perfectly reasonable question.

daffo I just googled to find that and you go into WA settings,storage usage then click on the person and it tells you how many...just checked and I'm on just shy of 18,000 in 12 weeks!!😱
Still not feeling it and can feel I'm pulling away and he seems to be responding by being all needy-argh!

And simon just wanted to echo ants anger on your behalf

I just checked with Mr C - the messages are how many you've sent. Mine to him is nearly 3,000 him to me is 2800. He's slacking and promises to do better... His excuse is a picture says a thousand words and he's sent a lot of those as well 🙈😳

@DaffoDeffo Go into settings, then Data and Storage Usage, then Storage Usage, then click on the chat you want to view stats on.

jesuis oh god so that's just how many I've sent doesn't even include his to me?!!

Omg my message count is utterly utterly utterly ridiculous

I'm not sure when it started though

Can you only see when you started if you scroll back up?

@Ant330 Good to hear a male perspective on that side of things. I was wondering if I was expecting too much wanting more than casual dating after this time.

@JeSuisPrest so pleased for you 😁

@DaffoDeffo I don't know how to get to the top of the message screen with a shortcut. I remembered quite an obscure word I used when I started messaging Mr Cornish and put that in the search option. This took me fairly close to the start, then I scrolled back to the start and saved the first message so I can always start from the beginning if I want to read our old messages 🤮

Yes, @CocoKoko123 just your messages... 🙈😂

Mr Hat has gone from warm and enthusiastic to cold and distant for no apparent reason today. No kisses on his texts, no wanting to meet up at the weekend. No idea what happened
Meanwhile I'm seeing a new iron I shall call Mr Straight on Saturday. I'm not holding out any hope. He doesn't appear to.have a sense of humour, but I'm going to give it a go anyway.
And Mr Young from FAB wants to travel more than 150 miles to see me, on the strength of a few (admittedly very long) conversations on kik. He's 21 years younger than me. I can't go there can I?! He must be dodgy.