Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Don't get me wrong, I don't like over the top, and I definitely don't like teddy bears!!😂
But after years being married to an emotionless man and never feeling loved, I now feel ready for the next step rather than casual dating. I want 'hearts and flowers' and a man not afraid to show that he is excited to see me, a man that will wrap me up in his arms when he sees me and someone that will make feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Hmm, reading that back... am I dreaming of a fairytale?
I feel a bit mean and unfair writing that. When I'm with MrFox he makes me feel amazing, like nothing else matters. He's kind and gentle and tactile and well...any reservations I have disappear when I'm actually with him...

@30somethingandsingle I don't think it's the fairytale I think it's good to know exactly what you want. A man who can show you his feelings is a winner for me. (Just don't with teddy bears, or over the top gestures.

I shouldn't worry too much lifegoes I'd suggest that any man who thinks that's socially acceptable rarely gets dressed to step out of the bedroom he rents from his mum.
30 I feel for you, what a dilemma, it's like you're dating two different men! I think just be honest with him, tell him how great he makes you feel when you're together, and the opposite when you're apart.
My worry is that you've told him this already and maybe he just doesn't have it in him. In which case you need to decide if how he makes you feel when you're together is enough.

I'm still taking my break from OLD @Ant330 my heart is just not in to at the min.

Wow shitwith - a man who actually wants to go to Ikea, and he's chosen you. Forget teddy bears!

lifegoes sounds sensible at the moment, you'll know when you're ready again.

Mind you blokes like that are hardly going to convince you of what you're missing are they 🤣🤣

shitwith Ikea?? You've just trumped everybody, end the thread now because it doesn't get better than that 🤣

Lifegoes I had a note pushed through my door from a man I blocked on POF, iwe know each other from a hobby years ago.

@30somethingandsingle Mr Fox has not found someone who is perfect for him either, he would be settling for less. The longer you carry on together the longer it will be before he finds his perfect woman.

If you can get round IKEA without a cross word, it's a love that will span centuries.

@vwman why do you say that? Because he would act differently if he had?

@30somethingandsingle he is saying he will try to change who he is to suit you. That is not him being authentic. There are plenty of women who would be very happy with what he can give, it doesn't matter that just two women are not happy with it.

To make him fit into a mold you prefer—that's tricky territory. A small change like wearing trousers rather than jeans is easy, but you are asking him to change who he is. There is nothing wrong with the way he is, but it is wrong for you.

Wow sorry to hear so many people are having wobbles. The whole communication thing is a minefield these days. Definitely was an issue in my last relationship as I just didn’t feel secure. I’m not convinced mr races is the same as me either but it is very early days. Know I shouldn’t over invest and could potentially but talking to several people as it’s only been 3 dates but multi dating is just too complex for me so just going to have to try not to overinvest! 😳 I’m not good at that at all

Ooh a trip to ikea @shitwithsugaron. That’s possibly more significant than a proposal 😂.

Saw this and thought how very apt

Ha shitwith Mr S said he'd be happy to go to ikea with me. We have never actually done it!!

I don't agree with vwman (no surprise) 30something* relationships are about compromise. You get along great when you are together but feel things are lacking when you are apart. I'm sure you could compromise on how much communication you'd like and he can compromise by putting more effort in than he would normally do. This is the start of getting to know each other.

Well said notcool. That's what I've been thinking, compromise. 30something - everything is fine when you are together. Please don't write him off yet if this communication thing is the only issue. A frank and honest discussion face to face is needed. Only you can decide.

I do agree with compromise and then is asking someone to do and be someone they aren't. Which generally means, they will try but eventually go back. The compromise has to be if you are happy to tolerate that.

@shitwithsugaron that’s so funny! Mr Mystery and I actually had two Ikea dates, and joked that if you can get round Ikea without an argument you’re set for life! (That obviously didn’t work out true for me but I liked the philosophy 🤣)

lifegoes - it doesn't take long for something to become a habit.

@shitwithsugaron large portion of meatballs?

I had lunch with MrNoName today (he works on the same road), was going alright until we got called poofters (I haven’t heard that one for a while, so it did make a change to fag). I had a pint and then wondered if I’m actually allowed to drink when I have to go back to work.

I’ve never done tinder etc but he has, so he let me have a go on his phone, some were very ‘interesting’ lets say and obviously not worried about someone they know seeing their profile!

@TooOldForThis67 you are asking someone to change who they are and how they act (regarding communication) that's not compromise.

I'm with 30 I love communication and I need lots of it, and to feel wanted.

But if that's not who that person is, who am I to ask them to change that to suit my needs?