Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

She died 2 years ago. He otherwise seems to be in the right place to date.

I think I'll go and play it by ear - I won't go back to his house if he has her personal stuff in the bedroom ...

I'm too old and don't have time to waste feeling 'second best' in a relationship. As I said, entirely my issues ...

[30somethingandsingle]

@vwman yes, to a degree. I feel like he's very kind and nice... but there is something lacking communication wise.

[LilyRose88]

Bathshit hopefully there won't be any of her things in the bedroom and you will have a lovely time.

[vwman]

@30somethingandsingle you come across here as quite a passionate woman, does he know that he can match you in passion. He may be afraid of showing that side, or he simply might not be the right man.

I am a pretty passionate man, I would scare the shit out of some women, but others would be absolutely right for, but might need the green light before I felt confident enough to show that side of me.

[30somethingandsingle]

@vwman yes I'm a very passionate person. He, it seems is just not that kind of person.

[Notcoolmum]

I hope the visit to mr BC's home goes well batshit 🤞

[vwman]

@30somethingandsingle I have been in that situation of having to hold back on the passionate side, not being me, and not having a fulfilling relationship. All I can say is, there are men out there for you if you decide to end it with Mr Fox.

[Ant330]

notcool I'm horrid IRL it's all an act 🤣
To be honest the circumstances for him staying sound fine from what you've described, maybe he's building it up to be something it's not - awkward conversation over cornflakes and coffee while he wonders if they could hear you last night 🤣
Maybe he just needs to do it once and get over it, or maybe there is more to it in terms of commitment like you said???
30 glad you're feeling better than yesterday, that sounds a sensible approach.

[lifegoes]

Oh on the passionate side I actually really fall for a guy when he's passionate. I love the "good morning, good night" texts

I love hearing baby, sexy, sweetheart etc. I love them checking in on me.

I love feeling wanted. It's so bloody hot for me and if someone is cold. I'll kick them in to touch

[30somethingandsingle]

@lifegoes your post...exactly that.
The more I think about it, the more I realise he is not the man for me. As sad as that makes me.

[Notcoolmum]

Aw 30something I'm sorry you feel that way. But if he knows other relationships have failed because of his communication style then it's really not just you and you aren't being unreasonable or needy. I would talk to him in person but if it's not making you happy...

I think the circumstances are fine ant or I wouldn't ask him. He feels uncomfortable and is saying he's worried about upsetting the kids. But as they don't care that's not a valid reason so there's something else he's not shared. Whether that's he feels like he's getting his feet under the table and he's not sure he wants them there or he feels it's somehow unfair on his own kids I'm not sure.

[lifegoes]

@30somethingandsingle my prev two have been like that and because of that I ignored the red flags. Which was my own fault, and I really invested in them.

But I won't change what I want or need. There are def men like that, that will give us that.

I would still say talk to him, but you often know and if it's making you feel sad more than happy you know it's not right.

[LilyRose88]

@lifegoes its interesting how people can differ about what they like in a relationship. I do need to feel wanted and desired, and I like regular communication, but I feel a bit uncomfortable with openly romantic messages and statements. For some reason they make me shrink a little inside, if that makes sense. I need to be told that I am loved, and am happy to tell someone I love them, and I love kind gestures like flowers, having a meal cooked for me, a bath run for me and being given a massage or a foot rub. So I am not a total cold fish, but there is definitely something about me that dislikes the 'passionate' romantic messages. To be fair, I don't seem to end up in relationships where this is on offer, so I clearly know how to avoid this type of man, even though I am doing it subliminally.

[lifegoes]

@LilyRose88 I think it shows how different two people can be and why certain people can match "on paper" but can't go any further.

I actually dislike romantic gestures, I old flowers etc but running my bath and trying to treat me would hit a nerve. I would feel smothered and lose my independence 😂😂

but for me it's the communication, I feel the want from knowing they are thinking about me and will openly tell me.

But this has left me open to love bombing and my ex's have all been controlling cheating dicks. So hey what do I know 🤷🏻‍♀️😂😂😂

[lifegoes]

Now on another note, this I don't like.

I've not been on OLD for over a week. I didn't delete my accounts just the app.

Today I've had a message on FB from guy who I thought I must know as we had mutual friends, he said the following..

Him: Hey you, how are you
Me: good you?
Him: really good now I've found you, I sent you a message on POF and I didn't hear back so I've found on you on here. I think you are 😍😍😍😍😍.

Me: BYE!

[LilyRose88]

@lifegoes Yes it does show how people can appear a perfect match but just not get on! I don't like being smothered either but I am happy to have someone do something nice for me, probably because I have been single most of my life and have not had a lot of experience of someone looking out for me. So it seems extra special if someone does it now. Maybe I would get fed up with it after a while .

I really don't like all those overly romantic cards and gifts that appear in the shops around Valentines Day - any poor man who bought me a teddy bear holding a love heart would be given very short shrift!

[lifegoes]

@LilyRose88 haha if anyone bought me a teddy or anything like that, I would run. RUN FAR AWAY

[LilyRose88]

@lifegoes it might be funny to watch the two of us shrieking in horror and running down the road while two hapless guys stand there holding teddy bears wondering where they went wrong

[Notcoolmum]

Ooh scary stalker lifegoes. Block!!

Also a no to heart bearing teddy bears from me. I was dreading what Mr S might have done for Valentine's Day. Thankfully he went for a nice mug (not tacky) and chocolates. I was a bit sniffy about the Tesco roses but I'm sure they were an afterthought anyway!!

[lifegoes]

@LilyRose88 blocked when he told me he lived near me. 👀👀

@Notcoolmum 🏃🏼‍♀️ 🏃🏼‍♀️

[Sunshineandflipflops]

@lifegoes How did he know your name to search for you?!

[Ant330]

Lifegoes I'd get yourself a taser as well, wierdo! "I know what to do, she's ignored me on POF so I shall stalk her, she'll be so impressed by my determination and initiative and want to be mine forever" 🤣

Teddy bears??? Surely they're just for 10 year old girls, what self respecting man buys one of those!!

[CodLiverOil556]

@lifegoes I'm the same with being called nice names...my original iron said 'good morning sexy pants' this morning which made me smile and was a good start to the day.

It's funny how we're all different but after the same thing and that's to be loved and to love in return.

[lifegoes]

@Sunshineandflipflops well my first name is on POF. So I'm not even sure the rest. I'm more worried he found me and also knows where I live.

@Ant330 this is what worries me about OLD. At what point do you think that's ok?!


@kermitrulesok That would make me smile, I love things like that. It's just the smile you make when looking at the phone


Awwwww I want that!!