Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Ohhhhhhhhh. There isn't a parrot in the room. I don't know why that posted so many times.

Sorry 🤦🏻‍♀️

Good for you supercali. My plaster is coming off so slowly it's barely noticeable!! 😂😂

What do you mean by an emotional mismatch?
🤔

Aw jesuis you and Mr C are definitely relationship goals. Good for you both 👍

Excellent news @JeSuisPrest. Really glad it's worked out and you are feeling secure. If you could send me your protein bar recipe it would be much appreciated too

Well done JeSuis

Loved the comment about baking like a mad woman. And congrats about becoming an item.

@HairyArsedMan They're nothing too complicated and I don't use measurements - just enough liquid to bring the solids together. St Mary of Berry would not be impressed with me.

Rolled oats
Chopped prunes or figs
Large scoop of chocolate flavour protein powder
Melt a fair old bit of peanut butter and honey in microwave to make runny.

Pour honey and PB mixture into dry ingredients. Add a dash of milk if not coming together. Bash it all into a tray and freeze. Cut into slices when solid, keep in freezer and eat at your leisure from frozen. They're quite difficult to eat if they defrost but they're tastier than any of the baked recipes I've tried.🤷🏻‍♀️

jesuis I'm delighted to hear all is so good with you and Mr C though the tortoise situation is worrying.

Would you recommend your protein bar recipe to people with crowns? I fear I would struggle...

@lifegoes yeah - I did say 'You know it takes 2 to tango right?'. It's all just so weird, a few weeks back when I ended it he went big guns with the 'You're wasting something beautiful' line. Classic, I decide to give it a shot and feel ok about it and he pulls the rug. Must not forget, Always follow your gut!

@JeSuisPrest Well done on not reacting! :) He's shown you he's a keeper

@Notcoolmum ugh, how come - aren't you tempted just to rip it off? I can't bear it!

supercali. I'm a Libran and decisions aren't my strong point. I'm torn between things being very good and then things making me feel insecure. I'm yo-yo-ing like a demon.

I think it will have to be my decision so we may be some time 😂

@Notcoolmum High five libran - i'm a gemini :) So you guys are still hanging out regularly? I can't stand undertainty, i'll do almost anything to wriggle out of that 'inbetween' stage haha

I had my first counselling session today and I feel drained! Very cathartic and she is lovely so I think I shall find her helpful.

I have an iron in the mix, he’s sort of evolved (I’ve seen him a few times now) and he’s lovely, I shall call him Mr Eagle. But I worry that he’s almost too nice, he’s also separated but not divorced and still quite entrenched with his family being such a hands on dad. Which is a good thing but makes me nervous. Does that make sense?

@Sidge It's a good character trait but you're worried he won't be as available as you would like/need?

So that's that then - I'm part of an item

Ooh, how lovely. And a BH weekend together too.

And well done on using techniques to avoid getting all paranoid and possessive. It’s hard to do.

On alcohol, I also have experience of an alcoholic father. And he was a bloody nightmare (I’m sure he still is, but I’ve been NC for nearly 20 years now). But, the thing is, he was a nightmare even when he was sober. He was just a nightmare and chose alcohol as his preferred way to manifest it; without alcohol he just found other ways to ruin people’s lives.

As for my dilemma this morning, I’ve decided that it was just chocolate and I may have been somewhat unreasonable (I’m glad I kept it to myself at the time).

I’m a Libra too @Notcoolmum. I’m with you on the decision making. 😂

That said, MrSG (who is not a libra) might be worse at decision making than me. Together we’re utterly useless at making small, arbitrary decisions (of the where do you want to eat type).

Sort of, @supercali77.

I didn’t intend to date anyone with younger children, and whilst I like that he’s so hands on I find myself wondering how it will work with us. I have EOW to myself and he spends most of each weekend in the old marital home with his children (as well as going out with them etc).

I also know that he instigated the split, and his wife and his own parents want them back together. He’s assured me he has no intention of getting back with her (I asked, I’m rather direct sometimes!) but it’s just a little niggle, you know?

Everything else is great, he’s lovely.

@Sidge If it's not a dealbreaker then great, although....thinking in terms of relationships (jumping ahead!) - it feels like maybe that would be an issue. Like you want to be able to spend all weekend together sometimes right? But obvs early days!

supercali I just can't decide as the good things are so good and I will miss them. So do I keep the good things and accept this isn't my forever match. And be ready to leave things when the good things are no long good enough. Or do I rip that plaster of now, lose the good things but also the feeling of uncertainty and insecurity. I haven't made my mind up yet...

sidge yes I understand that. Is it the kids he's entrenched with (good thing) or the ex (bad thing). And how do they draw the boundaries over which is which. This is an issue for me and my current iron.

crustaceans we can be a bit like that! But seem to get there in the end. I do know what I like to eat and drink at least 😂

Ah, @Sidge. I think I can see why you’re so uncertain. There’s a big difference between hands-on dad with regular (and not minimal) contact and spending that contact time in the former marital home (with the ex as well as the children). And it’s even more problematic (from a new relationship point of view) when his ex and his family want them to get back together.

I think I’d want someone who’d properly moved on (from the relationship, not the kids) and had his own routine and life with his children away from his ex.

I know the standard MN line is to be all ‘oh it’s so wonderful they can still co-parent like that’, but I just don’t see how that can work with new relationships.