Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I am feeling at peace without the constant searching on pof or match, only on bumble and of course I have no control over anything there apart from a bit of swiping. I don't care if no one likes me on there. Had fish and chips on the seafront, sun shining, listening to the rhythmic sea on the shoreline and seagulls overhead. Watching mothers with their toddlers on the beach and old people walking together or with their dogs, thinking I am really happy.

STBXH has his own special ring tone - along the lines of "an idiot is attempting to reach you, an idiot is attempting to reach you". Also when he texts the notification is "idiot text!". His profile pic is an angry looking hippo. Yeah, he gets on my tits 🤷🏻‍♀️

He is having our DD from Friday to Tuesday as I had her for the last BH weekend. I asked if he wanted to see her during the week before he has her and he just ranted at me "What else do you fucking want from me, I'm having her for 5 nights!!?" I had to bite my tongue to stop myself suggesting he actually start paying maintenance for her - he can read that in the solicitors letter next week 😂

He's now just text me and said "I take it you have someone new in your life? I don't think what I said in regard to the arrangements for F are unreasonable."

This is the man who's had someone new in his life for the last 3 years. We've been separated for 2 years... Utter, utter cockwomble.

Hahaha @TooOldForThis67 I get the impression he's deliberately telling you that to try and make you jealous.

@vwman what a lovely post. It's very important to be happy within yourself

JeSuisPrest Yep, cockwomble indeed, my ex can only communicate in rants but thankfully all contact is via DD now.

vwman - that sounds like a perfect day.
jesuis - How dare he question you! Hope you get the maintenance sorted soon. How come he's got away with not paying?

@lifegoes I feel in the right place to let someone into my life and make them happy, rather than them having to deal with shit in my life and baggage

It's often when you are like this, when someone does enter your life @vwman

I'm starting to accept that I don't think I'll ever find the one, have the marriage and happy life. And you know what, I'm ok with that.

lifegoes that GIF is so true. On my first date with Mr Mad we fancied each other like crazy but my head was telling me 'he's vain, weak, selfish and boring'. Roll on 13 months and lots of fun later, I called it a day because, yup, he was vain, weak, selfish and boring. The problem is to distinguish which first impressions win at the beginning I guess!

tooold well said to Mr BE. It beggars belief how blinded people can be (including me, obvs).

vwman that sounds perfect - good for you, taking action to find peace for yourself and recognising it when you have found it.

Thanks for all the kind words everyone.

The guy I am messaging on Tinder today has just asked what I'm looking for. So hard to answer without going off on a rant about what I'm NOT looking for and sounding bitter!

I don't actually know the answer to his question.

@TooOldForThis67 he pays nothing because I'm too soft and he's always got a sob story. The wheels are in motion now though. He can do it the easy way or the hard way, but he will be doing it either way. He's not going to be a happy bunny and I need to hoik up my big girl pants and do it for my DD if not myself. His argument is I don't need the money - he's right, I out earn him on part time wages and he looks at it as though he's paying for me not our DD. I have a comfortable life because of being very sensible and a little bit lucky. He on the other hand cannot save a penny. When I have discussed this with Mr Cornish he points to his gun cabinet, shovel and gives me a wink. He's joking... of course 🤔

@Sunshineandflipflops How about: "honesty and mutual respect with someone who treats me the way they'd want to be treated"?

@JeSuisPrest...damn! Why didn’t I think of that before my awkward “not sure really” response!

I also have exH in my phone as something very uncomplimentary 😂

Those who are struggling with non-contact (because, let's face it, it's fucking hard) - I truly found it the best and quickest way to get over the two previous exes (not exH - I divorced him!!).

sunshine - I used to put - Ultimately I'm looking for a relationship but that doesn't happen overnight, so date and see where it goes!.

@Sunshineandflipflops the easiest way is to often think about what you dont want and then flip it think about what the opposite of that is.

Jesuis - Tell him to have some self respect! It doesn't matter how much you earn, the money can be used to enhance your child's life or actually spend of whatever you like cos it's non of his dam business. You obviously know all this, lol, just makes me mad. I'm guilty of being soft too. I agreed to sell the house next year but that will leave me with limited options whereas he'll be swanning around like a rich man, as he lives abroad and everything is so much cheaper there.

@JeSuisPrest What an idiot, he’ll regret in ten years time when his children discover what he’s like. Posts like yours make me very thankful that I’m the only parent my son has.

I feel your pain. My son has not seen his father for 10 years. He told him he never wanted to see him again when he was 9.

When we split he seen him on and off for 2 years. Sometimes he wouldn't turn up. As much as I hated him I had to let my son find out what he was like himself and often hoped he would prove me wrong.

I've never had 1p off the man either and nor would I accept it. He sent him a message 3 weeks ago trying to see how he was, my son asked for his number rang him and said "is this some sick joke, my father has been dead for 10 years, I have one parent my amazing mother. Now if you don't mind, take your pathetic life and guilty conscience elsewhere".

😂😂😂 he's my child ok.

@JeSuisPrest Your ex sounds like an arsehole. Why don’t you just go to the CMS? They can force him to pay up.

That was a great reply to MrBE @TooOldForThis67. Although, it’s bloody obvious that she’s unlikely to be genuinely interested in him. What an idiot. 😂

Another one with crap dad syndrome here. Mine has seen my 2 less than a handful of times in 13 years. Never paid any maintenance and claims not to work or claim benefits so CSA wrote him off.

Our poor kids deserve better.

tooold does Miss Russia know he lives on a boat. Might not be quite what she's looking for!!

Why do the same men appear in my tinder or bumble even tho I've swiped NO on them at least 4 times grrrrrrrrr

My ex is bullshit billy on my phone. Showed his mum messages he's sent and realised later she would've seen it 🙈. Fortunately she would probably agree with me.
My ex hounds me with abuse i know he copied my watsapp as he knew who I was talking too (after we'd split and guys I was chatting to that no one else would know) Claims his son is his main priority but sees him once every 10 days or so for a few hours. Hasn't paid me a penny- again he thinks the money is helping me out. Knobhead.

Xx

Your kids do deserve better, @Notcoolmum.

My ex is an unbelievable arsehole, but he does see DS2 regularly and pay maintenance. So that’s something.

On POF is there a part where you can actually browse men etc. I tend to only look at who has viewed me and await messages.