Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@falaff I suspect he was hurt by you telling him you don't want him after to him everything seemed to be going so well. He will be confused by your mixed messages as well, just take the bull by the horns and have the confidence to tell him.

love no harm in inviting Mr dog to yours when your girls are there. You have had a few dates now and the fact your girls live with you full time makes it hard to always date outside the house. I find teens don't really pay much attention anyway. Just say he is a mate and don't kiss or cuddle infront of them until you know its serious. And no staying over. Different if they were smaller I think

@Notcoolmum

I keep thinking he's perfect for me. But in reality if he's not ready then he's not is he. And if he was as in to me as I am him then surely he'd be ready. Because I'd be too good to lose.

This! Me and MrSAS got on so well and seemed so compatible in many ways but if i'm not enough for him on my own then we're not perfect for each other.

Thanks eesha I'm not being cool at all. He is stringing it out a bit. I think because he really likes me. But I can feel he no longer thinks we are good together and he knows I'm more invested than he is. I'm not as brave as sunshine who just ripped that plaster right off :(

Not brave at all...I really didn't want to end things with MrSAS but I also couldn't accept what he was offering me. I don't want to be one of many options to him or anyone else. Feels shit and I miss him

So @Notcoolmum is this all just based on your gut rather than anything being actually said.

@Sunshineandflipflops Walking away with your boundaries intact and your dignity will pay off big time...once he's out of your head

@Notcoolmum I admit i got lost on everyone's break ups....e.g. who was doing what - what's the current situation with you and your Mr? Is this that he is dealing with some Ex fallout?

lifegoes and supercali not just my gut no. Things have been said. We just haven't ended it yet.

You set fantastic boundaries sunshine. You knew something wasmy right, confronted it head on and acted accordingly. I think you have been awesome.

Sorry all those who are feeling blue.

Super jealous shitwith jesuis too old

I have no good irons. I am child free tonight and all bh weekend and all my friends are busy ☹️ Tonight is the night I have been seeing Mr Big but I am fading him (in fact we are fading each other) not messaged since Friday which is the longest by far we havnt messaged since the start of Feb.

No tinder matches and no replies on bumble. Feeling pretty crap!

I've given up calling them dates now, they're just us doing life stuff together fuelled by wine if it's a weekend

That is lovely to hear (and similar from @shitwithsugaron too). I’m so glad that it’s going so well for you two.

It does show that OLD isn’t only full of non-committing, poor communicating useless types. There are some good ones on there too (after all, the people on this thread are - or were - on there too).

I'm struggling so much to not send a message telling him I miss him. I won't though.

@Sunshineandflipflops Stand strong!

You are doing really well @Sunshineandflipflops. Stick firm to those boundaries - even though it’s so hard.

@Sunshineandflipflops be strong, he wasn't honest with you and you have done the right thing

Aw sunshine it's so hard.

supercali what a ridiculous thing to text and at that time. Designed to stop you sleeping! See he is putting the blame at your door. Knob.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Sorry you're feeling crappy :( At least...we've all got each other on the misery bench. Solidarity

@Notcoolmum ah right....and is there a plan for an ending on your side or are you just watching the bridges burn/hanging back to see if he steps forward?

I didn;t sleep well last night obvs, after his text. bad dreams. Shattered today and feeling quite teary. Got to keep my shit together though. No matter how wrong something is and how much relief there is.....it's still painful

So I'm chatting with someone new. He's interesting, engaging, and his pictures are gorgeous.

He also waits ages between responses. I'm far too impatient for that. Is there a protocol I need to follow here? I'm basically chomping at the bit for him to ask me for a drink. I need to play it cool, I know, I know.

@Sunshineandflipflops This is the hardest part. The in between bit. The bit where your heart is a bit bruised, but still in one piece. Don't press the bruise and cause yourself pain by contacting him. You know the bruise is there but if you leave it alone it will slowly fade.

When I got dumped I got a load of "you're better off without him" type quotes and put them on my Pinterest board. I got 49 of them 😳. I never contacted him again (deliberately at least, but that's another story...) and I'm sure as hell he's never given me a second thought. Keep busy would be my advice, whether that's with friends, family, work, hobbies or getting back on the apps is up to you. Nothing he could say to you will make you forget that sick to the pit of your stomach feeling he gave you when you found out he was still on the apps, so mentally write "The End" under the MrSAS chapter and start a new one on a clean fresh page.

Before I blocked my ex I changed his name in my phone to " WHAT A WANKER"
I also changed my screensaver on WhatsApp and front of phone to a quote about "his silence tells you all you need to know" and something about "a queen doesn't chase that's how the crown stays on"

Sounds silly but in those moments of needing to text etc they were the first things I would see and it would remind me.

@bumblebrambles how long have you been chatting? I tend to not reply until they message when still on the apps. I probably follow the same rule throughout early dating stages. It's not until we've met and are happy to keep dating that I tend to just go with the flow.

Not sure what others do, as I don't think rules always work. But I like to suss out their communication styles first

lifegoes My exH is in my phone as Twat he thankfully never calls me.

Hahaha love that @likeridingabike

I seen this and I liked it...

Thought I'd just share this with you. Remember MrBirdsEye (MrBE) who lived on a boat and was into kinky sex. He randomly sends msgs asking how it's going and I'm going 'All good thanks'. Well the other day he replied.

"I've been dating a Russian girl. I've been over to meet her parents in Russia yes he did say in Russia, lol . Only thing that worries me is she's 34 but she's so pretty. Good luck with your man".

He's only been seeing her a month! He's around the same age as me, 50ish. So, I replied "Not saying you don't deserve a pretty young thing, lol, but be careful. Being a cautious old woman I'd questions her motives but hey, enjoy it!

Was that a bit bitchy? Hope so, lol.