Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks hairy head is surprisingly ok this morning!just a bit tired

@falaff did you say you'd only known him for three months? To me that isn't long enough to be a real friendship although I get that it's possible to feel like it's a deep friendship at that point and it may even become one. I really don't think you have anything to lose by sending a text saying 'I enjoy spending time together and feel more happy in myself, would you like to start dating again?'

I am just arranging a second date with Mr Runner for the weekend.

@shitwithsugaron @peanuthedz maybe the looming test and the ikea test could be combined ? First dates at Ikea ! Fine dining with the gravallax salmon salad and swedish meatballs and chips, then find a secluded corner of the kitchen showroom for a bit of looming, before seeing whether you can get through the homewares section without buying unnecessary placemats and scented candles.

Hairy Your first dates at Ikea sounded like a good test until you stipulated no buying of unnecessary stuff, that's impossible, nobody will get to a 2nd date!
I can remember getting halfway round the marketplace bit and saying to my ex do we really need that, and that, and... dump the basket!

@vwman I'm not sure because he's not very proactive about it. This is why I'm confused. He never really asks me to do anything; it's always me suggesting meeting up. It could just be that he enjoys doing the things we do, like playing cards, as opposed to my company specifically. I feel like if I didn't get in touch I would hear from him an awful lot less. Hence the dilemma and worry that he's just not interested.

At risk of going off topic... I'm gonna guess T4 but I'm hoping it's actually a T2. :)

@Ant330 The main stress point was always getting it all to fit in the car with a hotdog in one hand

shit and stealth you're both right. I need to stop being a wimp and realise that even if I do lose the friendship it's not like he's my BFF. Although I will see him around. I've run into a few past dates these last weeks!

I also matched with someone I met a few days earlier and had a conversation with. Didn't have a clue, fail :)

@falaff But you pushed him away, he's always going to take his cues from you as to where the boundaries of the friendship lie and that covers where and how often you meet. I'm another one that thinks if he's jumping when you call, it could go well for you to reveal your change of heart.

hairyarsed thank you for your insight. I think the FWB - who has just left 😍 - probably does mean I lack conviction with potential long-term options. It’s stupid, but I don’t want to give up the lovely if limited connection I have with him, and the regular sex, to risk my heart in the open water of OLD. I just need to get a grip, don’t I?

My ex never went to IKEA with me. I'd spend £50 on taxis and buy what I like. Sometimes it would take him 3 months to notice I'd bought a new table or lamps. I'm quite jealous of people who have had a partner interested enough in their home or life to have an argument.

Sorry that sounded self indulgent, maybe I should be pleased we didn't argue often.

Why is it so hard to let someone go when you have only known them 5 months? I can't help feeling we'd be so good together if the timing had been better and he's been further on in detatching himself from his marriage. :(

Feeling sad and lonely today.

Hope you are all having better days ❤️

Plus you know you have been on TOO many dates when you spot a man in Tesco and you know you know him. But can't think if it's because you have been on a date with him. Or if you met at work. Or through your kids' school...!!! 🙈😂

@Notcoolmum I feel a bit like this and I've only known MrSAS 2 months so I can empathise with you and hope you are ok.

I have just had my first message on Tinder since going back on as a distraction from the fact I cant have the man I want on the terms I'm comfortable with. I feel like I'm not on there for the right reasons but maybe it won't hurt to chat to someone.

Thanks sunshine. And the same to you too. It's hard isn't it? The beginning of a relationship is full of so much promise and when it ends that all goes...

I keep thinking he's perfect for me. But in reality if he's not ready then he's not is he. And if he was as in to me as I am him then surely he'd be ready. Because I'd be too good to lose.

Need to dust myself off and stop wallowing.

notcool you’re not wallowing, you’re processing, a stage you have to go through. It will get better 💐

Thanks shitwith I have taken solace in that both you and jesuis were coupled up and seem to have gone on to have met much better irons afterwards. Perhaps the first relationship opens is up and teaches us what we are looking for...?

(Hugs) Notcool. It's painful, I know.

Mr BC has passed the 'going to Lidl with me' test 😂 Not quite Ikea which would be more fun, but he's offered to bring a van to Ikea with me (I might be moving soon) ... definitely 😍😍😂

@Notcoolmum I do believe that with every relationship good or bad. It teaches us what we want and what we don't want.

@lifegoes had to go bath my DD last night. Yes, I don’t know why – maybe over time, despite knowing the right way to operate e.g. not biting our tongue, and not ignoring red flags, after a series of fuckwits, you just get trained to do it. It’s like you have to undo the training and relearn that ‘Sod this’ attitude. I’m certainly relearning it now, trial by fire.

@Notcoolmum hugs. It’s hard….I think it was said in a much earlier thread that breaking up in the early stages is emotionally crushing while longer relationships there’s been a lot more processing. Is it called limerence the first stage of love? Semi-torture.

So, he didn’t call at the time I asked, he texted just before 11pm….to say something didn’t feel right, he felt I didn’t kiss him like I meant it!?  He thought he’d better tell me so I could think about it, and he was off to bed. Thanks for that at 11pm. Anyway, I sent a reply basically saying, for one reason and another this was done but I wasn’t prepared to have a texting convo about it. It’s literally not a grown up way to operate. He was welcome to call me tonight for closure if he wanted. He’s said he is going to. Who wants to put a tenner on whether he actually calls the woman he cancelled on 2 days ago and then ignored.

Crumbs, I go away for a couple of days and all hell breaks loose here!!

@Sunshineandflipflops @Notcoolmum @30somethingandsingle- you ladies deserve alllllllll the and . What a load of cockwombling fuckwits some men are. Onwards and upwards, glad to see you're getting back in the game and not letting these commitment phobic line spinners detract from your goal of actually finding someone who is deserving of you. After my dumping by Mr Abs after 4 months I completely know where you're coming from feeling so attached after a couple of months.

Looks like lots of fun was had with the swiping last night and good to see there are some potential new irons in the fire for some.

All still going well with Mr Cornish, though we did lose his tortoise yesterday and spent 2 hours tramping around fields looking her - I've given up calling them dates now, they're just us doing life stuff together fuelled by wine if it's a weekend 😂. It's the 3rd time she's gone AWOL and she's always come back so 🤞🏻🐢.

@Sunshineandflipflops @notcoolmum I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you both. I have to say I totally admire how coolly you have dealt with it all, stood your ground with what you want.

I'm still casually seeing my FWB, though he has openly said he is desperate to impress me so we can continue. I definitely don't want a relationship but it has been fun learning given I hadn't DTD in 2 years....