Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Oh haha @CocoKoko123 x post. So you wouldn't text? I guess it depends on how you normally communicate?

For me I just think texts can be misconstrued but perhaps a text would be ok if you had a gradual build up to dropping the bombshell and lots of too and fro gently suggesting,testing the waters before jumping in with it. I don't know I guess it's a very personal/individual thing and depends on how falaff normally communicates with mr climber

Oh got talking to a nice iron tonight we'll call him Mr Horse. Not what you think I've just started chatting but I like the flow

Hiya 🙋🏻‍♀️ Thought I’d join the thread , I’ve been swiping on tinder but no wanted to chat to anyone yet as I don’t feel fully ready just yet but nice to have made a start to window shop

Hi @lifegoes , I’m half expecting our BFF to join the thread soon to tell us all about her third date 😂 , how she has now “cleared the air & knows his deal”

Awwww hello @Lefty1 I'm so pleased to see you on here. We are all lovely in here and absolutely no nutcases 😂😂 She was mental, thank you so much for sticking up for me. That was lovely of you.

Are you just on tinder or using other apps? You'll find some great advice with these lot. They've helped me so much along the way from starting OLD, meeting men and then learning to walk away.

Ah it's difficult to know what to do. I could be more articulate over text and explain a few things, how I'm a lot better now. But he's very sporadic and blunt over text so I'd probably get a 'no sorry' or 'I'm seeing someone' answer and that would be crap.

We mostly see each other once a week or fortnight and it's usually instigated by me. He hardly ever texts first. Which all makes me think he's massively not bothered. But it's hard because I've been unemployed and living alone and single with a lot of free time, so I feel like this with lots of my friends.

Last night he seemed very different, more like he was on our dates, lots of eye contact, smiling, laughing, messing about. Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see though. Sigh. Also this is weird but when he looks at me his pupils go crazy which I thought was a sign of attraction no?

We just have such a good time together. We'll at least I do anyway.

lifegoes - MrHorse, not what you think.

Also @lifegoes I think the ideal thing to do would be to build it up and wait. Then I think he would see that I'm ready to date and he'd retract his reason for friend zoning me back. But then I dread him finding someone. He's come off the dating apps so maybe he has :( he's not the sort to say firsthand whether he's seeing someone but I've asked him in the past and he's said no.

@TooOldForThis67 😂😂😂 well I mean I could be a lucky girl and find out in time. I'll let you know if the name was more suited than I first thought 😉

How are you, how are things going at your end?

Eurgh! My location settings on Tinder are a 35 mile radius. Does anyone know why it sends me profiles 90+ miles away too??

One Tinder date within a week of signing up, 12 matches currently and I'm waiting on them all to reply pretty much. One needs unmatching, and the latest one looks like he's going the same way... The date, Mr Swiss, was working over the weekend but still hasn't been in contact. Technically, it's his "turn" but I'm not bothered. Closure would be nice, but a year into OLD and I can take it...! Wine and swiping here too. 😊

@falaff from what you have said, if he sees you weekly and is coming off the apps. Does he have time for someone else? It's hard to know from the outside. Would he tell you that he couldn't/shouldn't come over if he was with someone else? Is he the type that needs female friends, does he have a lot?

You could always just ask the next time you see him, ask in a way of saying "how you finding the apps, found the love of your life yet?!" (In a joking manner) testing the water.

@NestOfSwipers it could be that they've passed through your radius or they've liked you. I've noticed that on mine this time, when I travel about the country i switch my location off so it doesn't match others.

Yeah, I'm not sure. He was a bit demoralised by it last time too. So maybe he's having a break. I think we're having lunch next week as he's away this week so I'll try and ask him. I wish I was more confident and had the guts to just tell him.

To be honest I don't know if there is a right or wrong way of doing it, if he still likes me surely it doesn't matter what I say or how I say it, he'll either want to reciprocate or not. But I think there is a point whereby I have to convince him that I'm not messed up like I was a few months ago and am feeling a lot better with myself.

lifegoes makes sense. It's so frustrating though. I had a lovely chat with someone who seemed normal on Bumble a while back but he lived 90+ miles away!! Just about sums up my luck. Maybe I should move... 😒

lifegoes - Pmsl! Yeah, all ok here except feeling weird on the HRT. Still early days to know if it'll make a difference but fingers crossed.
I know that since MrWow told me he loved me I've been a lot more relaxed about everything.

I'm messaging a friend from the drama group. And a Tinder match. I thought the match had completely lost the plot as his reply was completely unrelated to my message, but it was my drama friend talking about the whisky I bought him for his birthday... I really haven't had much wine at all...

falaff - He's waiting for you to say something! Isn't it obvious to anyone else. Get in there girl.

Haha @NestOfSwipers I was about to reply to message about you moving and I've seen your last message about mixing up messages. Hold off on that move for now 😉

Awww @TooOldForThis67 I love this, it's so lovely to see you happy and content. It will feel strange at first but stick with it. - HRT not Me Wow he sounds perfect.

@falaff I agree with tooold that's where I was heading with the questions I asked. He makes time for you, he comes to see you. He's coming off the apps. If I'm wrong I'll never drink wine again.

I'm crying with laughter at my last message and the auto correct.

ME WOW

Should be Mr 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

lifegoes - Sounds like a cat, lol.

Wanted to thank tooold I think it was for posting about your menopause symptoms. I have no idea why but I hadn't linked what I was suffering to the menopause, I thought I was going mad! The lack of sleep, chills, sweats, memory loss and a kind of heightened awareness/anxiety it appears are all to do with it and not me losing my marbles. Doctor's appointment booked and I feel so relieved!

@falaff why do you think he is hanging around you after you rejected him? Its because he likes you. The onus is on you, you could start with a "are you seeing someone" if he says no then tell him that you were not ready at the time, but now are. I bet he will agree to try again.

I can't keep up or post in a timely manner but will wish you all well with the sore heads today.

I'm still catching up with bits of the thread I can usefully contribute to:

Cassettes - I've been in the position of having a heady first date where we connected really well but then the presence of a FWB was mentioned. While it didn't affect things on the night, or other occasions, the times after that when she rearranged or cancelled, there was that nagging thought ... is it FWB night ? What am I to her ? So, I would suggest not mentioning it. Do you think it allows you to date for the long term thing with conviction ? I know if there's even a trace of someone else in my head, dates fall flat.

On being on or off the apps. I've decided to stay off them as soon as I've encountered someone I would like to date. I don't care how they manage the situation, nor do I tell them about it. I'd rather just dispense with the thought they might see me on them and think I'm not taking it seriously.

Oh yeah and @Crustaceans I think you did great service on the thread yesterday, not only did I agree with everything you said but you also said it very well.