Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

sunshine just don't put "Hey there" god I got bored of that!
For me a simple "Hello Match 😁" made me smile and get a reply from me if I liked the look of their profile, but maybe I'm easily pleased.

That was supposed to be a smiley face but looks like a wierd grimace on my phone, don't use that 🤣

sunshine hope you are enjoying the wine, wines not for sharing anyway.

Mr Dog has asked to come over one evening this week which would mean my dd’s being here. I wasn’t planning on him meeting them but in another way maybe it’s best he does then he can run away before I get real feelings for him , he doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them so I’m not sure what he will think of 2 autistic teens.

When messaging on Bumble I always pick something from their profile to ask about. They other day I asked whether their week was being kind and how could it get better if not...hate seeing just hey or hello on any message so don't use it myself.

life I think it's different behaviours for different people dependent on their partners.
I didn't change at work, I've always felt confident there. But in my personal/social life I became much quieter, however a number of friends have said that I'm getting back to my old self again.
But without sounding really bloody wet because I'm not, I have realised I apologise too quickly. MissOz has said to me a couple of times "what are you apologising for" 🤣
Mainly because it stopped an argument or being nagged at previously so it's just easier! But I need to stop.

When messaging on Bumble I always pick something from their profile to ask about.

I've been doing this, but it really isn't working. I'm not sure where I'm going wrong, maybe I need to cast a wider net? Most of the time we match, I say something, and it just sits there with no response. I don't get it.

My bearded policeman coffee date cancelled - getting back with his ex, apparently. Bleh.

@bumblebrambles I don't have lots of info on my profile so with one I matched with. I said 'how come you matched with me?' Can't have been my profile info so must have been my incredible beauty lol...must have worked as he's my date for Saturday!

Nice one!

@Ant330 I had one of those today. Apologised to mr Unsuitable for being off colour post migraine. He was slightly surprised....

In other news we went to ikea together today. It was fine.... no arguing. Mind you, we weren't trying to furnish a flat together or anything.

Re Bumble. I hate it. All that stress of messaging before a deadline. Thinking of a witty personalised intro. Then watching their deadline count down and realising that once again there will be no response. Plus there's hardly anyone on it

Peanuthedz what do you recommend?

@kermitrulesok hahaha like that

@bumblebrambles I find I'm more witty with a few glasses of wine. So I just say anything that comes into my head and I don't over think it.

@Ant330 I get that actually. I think it's hard to try and portray a nice impression without saying ... what the fuck you mean?! 😂😂

@Peanuthedz there is more on bumble for me than tinder. (Well more matched people)

Lifegoes I decided not to go back over ground we'd already covered by phone and text, he's promised he's off fab permanently so we'll just have to see how things go. I'm keeping my guard up for now.

@likeridingabike that's fair enough. I think you did the right thing, for what it's worth. Keep your guard up. But he knows now, you won't stand for it. Start as you mean to go on, I always say.

@bumblebrambles I think we all like different apps depending on where we are and the types we go for. I find tinder suits me. Lots on there, always get lots of matches, I like the fact you can't message unless you match.

POf I found shockingly sleazy and confusing but I know it works really well for loads on here.

Ok Cupid didn't get a single chat going.

Never tried match or Guardian Soukmates.

And I'm pretty sure Elite Singles would refuse me entry !

I'm in London though and it's different round the country. You'll work out which you prefer.

Hey guys, I'm back after a bit... couldn't keep up! I really need you help.

So I don't know if you guys remember Mr Climber. Well a long story short (!) is that we went on a few dates, he was very reserved and his real personality didn't come across. I'm pretty weird, and I just thought I would be too much for him and to be honest I thought he wouldn't be enough for me.

We had a very passionate snog (3rd date) and I did like him, but on the 4th date I panicked and friendzoned him. I was in a bad place at the time and put in some good old self deprecation. He picked up on this - after I told him I didn't want to date, weve stayed friends, but he told me he agreed us dating it was a bad idea as he didn't think I was ready for it.

So here we are 3 months later. I've tried dating other people, including one very lovely intense guy (dumped me though if you remember!) but every time I come back to thinking about My Climber. To be honest, I'm really falling for him. I'm completely infactuated. I saw him again last night, we had a meal and chilled out at mine and I felt so much chemistry, but maybe that was in my head.

I need to tell him how I feel - I can't really deal with these intense feelings. I think he still fancies me but it's really hard as he's quite shy and awkward. But he eyes kind of say it if you know what I mean. However I don't know if he still thinks dating is a bad idea.

I'm so scared of telling him that I've made a mistake and that I'd like to try again. I don't want to lose the friendship. Any advice?? What to bloody hell do I do?! I was going to say something last night but I don't know where to start, I'm too shy and nervous that he'll just shoot me down.

Maybe the friendship is bad for me anyway if I'm just pining after him.

ARGH. HELP!

Slightly tipsy on a school night so struggling to read people's posts properly! Iron came round but was only here for a couple of hours and no sex😔

Strikethrough fail!

Also just wanted to say that I love this thread and the support it provides!

@falaff I do remember him and it's lovely you have built this friendship. If I'm honest I'm not sure what you should do. I would play it by ear and maybe spend a bit more time together to see if things progress. But I'm sure others might have some better advice - sorry.

I'm just the same as you with situations like this, I've crossed friendship with sex and we fell out and I lost a good friend. But thankfully we were able to build a good friendship back. But we never go there again.

Hahahaha @CocoKoko123 you made me laugh there.

falaff yes I remember Mr Climber. Personally if it were me I would have to say something. staying friends as it is when you want more will cause you pain and heartache and you will always be wondering 'what if' you could be something more. The worst that could happen if you tell him is that you end up not remaining friends (which if your feelings are unreciprocated may be for the best) but I would put my money on you being pleasantly surprised and him being up for something more. the middle ground would be that he sees you as a friend only but then you can decide if you will be happy to accept just that. By continuing as you are you are just torturing yourself.Go for it! Have the conversation!

Yes the word torture is pretty right!

How do you even have that conversation though? I've no idea how. In person? Text? I'm scared!!

Also what if he's seeing someone? I don't know if he is.

He still gives me very little attention but I think that's just him. I hope so.

I really regret not dating him properly. He has massively grown on me, he's just so weird and quirky and has such a lovely wonky smile. I've never really had this happen to me before -I've always gone out with people I've found physically attractive from the off.

Not sure on your situation but I wouldn't text - I would either phone or speak to him in person. How much time have you been spending together?what do you do together?if you're just friends in his mind surely he would have told you if e was seeing someone? I would literally just have a glass of wine o calm my nerves,pick up the phone and go for it. Or just jump on him when I next saw him, or write a letter! I don't know! I realise it all sounds cringey and embarrassing but I know I'd just have to say something.

I've had that @falaff. Took a long time to build up to it, then sort of jumped in over a slightly drunken text convo. It didn't work out in the end though we had a good go and he's still my bestie. I think messaging is better than face to face on this one as there's nowhere to hide if it goes wrong!