Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Ha oh ok @vwman I thought you were saying to us we should remember that 😁

I think that's all well and good if they stay your best friend vwman. My ex was my best friend for a large proportion of our time together but it didn't stop her from having an affair with one of my 'mates'.
It's a lovely sentiment though, and I hope it's something I can find again.
My failed marriage has certainly given me a decent awareness of my failings the 1st time round and what I'd do differently given the opportunity.

@Sunshineandflipflops I actually met him a year ago. One off. Then hooked up again 4 months ago. Been seeing each other since then. I think that is the decent thing to do....speak.At the very least. I'm still v sorry about your situation. It's all a major bummer

@lifegoes yep, at the mo I'm doubting myself. I was a bit passive aggressive in my text yesterday about the cancel. Like theres a bit of me worrying that I'm the dickhead. But anger will come. It's no contact now. Its done

Thanks everyone else for the kind words and saying hes a dick :)

I've tried ending this twice and explained his communication fuelled my insecurities and each time he talked me round, told me hed never felt such respect and affection for a partner, told me he wanted to make the effort. And yet...didnt invite me to this mates wifes birthday. Didnt even return a phone call or reply at all when I said I couldn't do a reschedule the next day. Now wont speak at all about it. I mean it didnt work clearly, I knew that. The words were big but the actions were puny when you put them next to the words.

When me and my ex husband separated he said he didn’t want to lose his “best friend”. I then found out he had been having an affair anyway. I would never treat my best friend the way he treated me.

I’ve got lots of best friends, I’m not looking for another, I’m looking for a relationship.
MrSAS asked if we could stay friends and go to gigs together, etc but I told him what I have just said.

@supercali77 I think that's natural tbh. We all suddenly start thinking of things we could've said differently or wish we hadn't. Or should we give them a chance. But honestly, you did the right thing and I think most of us agree on that.

The anger will come, then some tears perhaps. Then more anger. Then another man, then happiness. Then this fucker will reappear. - watch 😂😂😉

I need to get back swiping I'm investing so much of my time in other threads on Mumsnet that I've just burnt my dinner and I keep losing track of this one. 😂

@lifegoes yep. I just chatted to a Male pal who was of the opinion I should have taken control and told him how he'd effed It again and been explicit that this was done....never to talk to me again. But I don't reckon that would stop a headfucker tbh

God. I wish there were reviews possible on dating sites. Ladies, this man is 40 something and has never had a relationship longer than a year and it wasnt just bad luck...list of reasons

@lifegoes nightmare dinner burn, I'm drinking wine.....game of thrones catch up tonight.

I’m also drinking wine...the wine MrSAS gave me when I left his house yesterday to drink together tomorrow night. Cheers.

contemplating going to shop now for wine and crisps. 😂 @Sunshineandflipflops

You did the right thing @supercali77 sometimes it's good to get it off your chest other times just walk.

What guy never had a relationship longer than a year?

Imagine reviews We would leave

HES MARRIED
He's a first grade cock
Likes to keep his options open.

SWIPE LEFT. HA

sunshine hehe on the wine - I had the urge for some tonight so stopped at shop to get some that I'm now drinking.
Enjoying reading the thread, not a lot to add other than to send hugs to those deal with shitheads at the moment!the jury is still out on what I'm going to do with mine-decided to give him a bit more time...who knows

@Sunshineandflipflops cheers! Heres to saying byeeeee Mr 'I didnt explicitly lie but I let you believe a bunch of shit until I really had to tell the truth'. Cheers to your boundaries.

@lifegoes get out there, pinot grigio awaits! Yeah...I mean first red flag, because after he told me that then he said hed gone out with a part time model and his family loved her and she was perfect, but it wasnt enough.....he needed more substance. Dude, take a long hard look at yourself. See why I tried to end it. Think of the anecdotes we could leave hahaha

@supercali77 been to shop. I have wine and crisps. I find I do better on OLD when I've had a drink. Everyone becomes easy on the eye, I become quite witty. Then tomorrow I have to deal with the consequences. Standard night in 😂😂

It's so bizarre how many things we see and hear but they don't register at the time. Or they do, but we don't think about them. Then after, it's like we've just solved Cludeo in one guess.

Just checking in. Sorry it's all been a bit shit for some. I can empathise so much with everyone's experiences and know how tough it is to pull yourself up when you're feeling so let down.
I haven't had a date for a couple of weeks now. Feeling quite apprehensive about getting myself out there again but trying to be optimistic so have messaged a couple of new faces on pof. One seems keen to meet on Thursday. I wonder if getting in quick with a newbie maybe more hopeful before they get hooked on the apps!
Great news for lily and love and this brings me hope ! I seem to be going round in circles with old 😐

@lifegoes yaaaas! Me too. Throwing out random quips and then cleaning up the tinder mess. Haha. Yeah....what I'm thinking now is...why do we bite our tongue? At the time I thought...I know what this is...its a humble brag. Any of my mates said that I'd be all over it...him? Bizarrely cockstruck

@supercali77 it's so strange that you say that as I was talking to my therapist about it. Years ago I would blow my lid and say exactly what I thought. I wouldn't stand for any nonsense and call people out on things. (I still do with work or friends) but over the past few years with men, I don't say anything. It's like i'm frightened to say anything incase I'm wrong, incase I lose them, incase he thinks I'm a nutter.

Yet every time I've said nothing, it's been proven I bloody should have.

So it's a great thought, why with men do we not say what we actually think anymore?

Because we may come across naggy,bossy or controlling !?

@kerkyra but Is it, when I look back. If I said something at the start then I wouldn't have ended up in therapy because of a very nasty controlling man. I would have walked away from last two OLD "things" before they started. As in all cases i knew things weren't right but I didn't want to rock the boat.

Raising my glass to all those feeling crappy it will get better I'm sure 🍺
I was supposed to be doing some more work tonight, but instead I've just watched the last of GoT (no spoilers) while drinking beer and eating crisps. Sometimes I like having a house to myself 🤣

With MrMetal now, one arse cheek still on the smitten bench, but I'm going to need to see some of his words out into action.

Ok...what are some of your Bumble opening lines? I hate it and can never think of anything other than “hi” to say...

lifegoes I'd hazard a guess that for many it's years of not wanting to rock the boat because it made for an easier life??
It's behaviour that I imagine becomes very habit forming over a long period of time but without realising it's happening and subsequently difficult to break.
I know I do it, but have only realised recently as other better people make me recognise my own reactions that actually I don't like or think why did I do or say that. Or mostly, why didn't I say that.

Whats happened @likeridingabike

Oh @Sunshineandflipflops I'm just back on it. But opening with different lines. Either something about their profile or what they've said. Or the boring well hello 😂

I'm such a romantic. Sat here with wine, candies all on, bag of chilli sensation crisps. Bits of crumbs down my top and Finding the love of my life on OLD.

@Ant330 I agree with that. I changed as a person completely with my ex. I didn't even know who I was, my friends couldn't handle telling me over and over. Yet previous to that or even in day to day life I would just say or ask questions if I was unhappy with something or needed clarification. Since then I'm scared to ask.

Do you find now that sometimes you will just ask or say, or are you still trying to break it?