Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@SimonJT death by thinking she was a sexual smart arse

I did actually ruptured a vein once during an enthusiastic episode. We looked down and it was like a murder scene blood from the chest all the way down the legs. Put me out of action for weeks.

sunshine No but thanks for the insinuation.

Well there we go....he's not interested in even having the ending. I hate non-closure.

Supercali- that’s so annoying and a bit spineless. What was the initial mid communication that led to such a bad few days?
I can’t help feeling I’m going to have to ask a million questions to iron after all the events on here. Only three dates in and worried I won’t like responses

I must be fortunate as I've not had an issue with men not wanting to wear a condom. Met Mr BC on Fab so no issues with him in that respect. And even though I'm 'an older woman' I'm not through the menopause yet so although I think it's highly unlikely I'd get pregnant, I still need to use contraception. I won't do anything hormonal so it's condoms anyway ....

@ccgirr just less texting in general. Then saturday he cancels last min, won't take a call, then won't return a call. Then doesn't reply. Then not wanting to have a conversation at all when i suggest we need to. I know what he thinks/knows. That it's done but there is healing to be had. He doesn't want it. Fair enough....can't force it. Anyway 4:35 deleted all records of him and I feel such a sense of relief actually. Band aid truly off

I don't agree. Someone could be actively on the apps and looking and dating but not yet slept with someone. Not everyone sleeps with people quickly.

I think it very much depends on whether they’re sleeping with you really. Because if you are sleeping with them, and have agreed exclusivity, then there’s really no reason for someone to be on the apps.

Non-sexual multi-dating is a different thing.

Supercali well done. If it’s a relief then even though it still hurts you know it’s for the best. Or will be eventually ☺️

Phew, supercali, he sounds like a peach. The fact you are relieved speaks volumes.

Re condoms - yuk, but fact of life. Should I be insulted that it was Mr Desperate who stipulated that, if we end up on some future date DTD, condoms will be in use?

@Ant330 I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it come across that way at all. It’s just from what you were saying it sounded like you thought it might be better if she ended things as you haven’t been feeling sure one way or the other lately. Apologies.

@supercali77 how long had you been seeing him? Ghosting is very cowardly. I was actually all for ending things with MrSAS on WhatsApp last night as I just couldn’t face talking to him but he wouldn’t do that and insisted on ringing me. He wanted to actually see me to talk but I wanted it over with.

supercali that's very spineless of him, not even talking to you 😡

sunshine sorry I shouldn't have snapped 🙈
No I meant it would be sods law that as I've decided I don't want to end it she decides to do exactly that!

She thinks I'm over thinking stuff and that as she's not expecting me to propose any day soon then surely the fact that I wanted to spend the evening with her, and we ended up having a really good time, is enough for us not to make any rash decisions we might regret.

She says she really likes me and wants me to give it a chance. Tbh I'm not used to the incredibly easy going and laid back approach

@supercali77 what a cockwomble. Good for you for ripping off the band aid. If he can't give you the benefit of the talking to you. He isn't worth your time.

I really dislike the non closure part. But 9/10 it works out for the best in the end. As it creates anger inside you. So when they do come back and they often do. You are like ✋🏻

Sorry to hear that quite a few have taken themselves off the smitten bench but onwards and upwards!

I had a first date yesterday afternoon. Was really optimistic as messaging had been great and we had loads in common. Had a lovely walk followed by drinks and lunch. Wasnt sure whether he felt a connection though- I do find day time dates difficult to judge. He messaged saying enjoyed it and we should do it again. I replied that I'd like that and look forward to it. He then followed up with something along lines of actually whilst he enjoyed company he "doesn't think his head in right place" and didn't feel the spark he thought we'd have blah blah blah - a little disappointed but cant make someone fancy you so back swiping 🤷‍♀️

@Ant330 no problem! Maybe just go with the flow and take it a day at a time. She might be right in you overthinking things you know!

@Neverexpected2 that’s a shame but sometimes the spark doesn’t translate from ‘paper’ to person and it’s no-ones fault.

Never expected- how weird to say let’s do it again and then head not in right place! Bizarre

@ccgirr Had something similar happen this weekend. Random change of heart. All you can really do is keep your head up high and keep going. Someone genuine will have their head together and not have to second guess

Yeah I get that the spark sometimes (most times) isn't there - just odd that his first message was let's do again only to backtrack so quickly - glad he did though instead of just messing me about 🤷‍♀️

@Neverexpected2 I think some do that to test the water on your reaction. As if you say it's not there, they agree and don't have to say anything. He's done the whole friendly let's do it again. Then thought he better say it's not for him.

But like when we say to someone we haven't seen forever let's catch up. But neither ever do

Yes life goes I expect you're right - also gives him the ego boost of knowing I was interested whilst he wasnt 💁‍♀️

I think through all this crap of modern online dating we miss the salient point, that we are supposed to be looking for our new best friend and using that as a basis for a LTR.

My girlfriends have not been the most beautiful some you would say were overweight. A friend once asked me why I was with my girlfriend at university as she was dumpy and I could do much better, but I didn't care because I liked her and ended up being sexually attracted to her, I loved her rounded belly.

And your best friends would never treat you badly.

Just because you like the look of someones photo online it means nothing.

@vwman I don't understand the need for that post at all.

Unless I've missed a post

@lifegoes I guess it was just a mini blog post for me really to remind me what I should be looking for