Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Lifegoes - ((hugs))
sunshine - He’s said he isn’t looking for anyone else. He probably doesn’t want to run headfirst into a LTR at this stage as it’s only been a couple of months but you need to know that if you develop feelings, is he in this to see where it goes, at least! Or, does he just want a casual thing. What’s so difficult to understand is that how can anyone be convinced they aren’t going to get feelings for someone?
peanutz - I couldn’t stand seeing someone every day, I need my personal space. But having said that, if I was living with someone it’s different, if that makes sense.
love - Absolutely enjoy it and see how it goes.

So, MrWow was due to come round Saturday afternoon but I was having a hormone surge and was in tears and feeling really down. Think the HRT is starting to kick in but not in a good way. Anyway, I gave him the option to canx but he wanted to cheer me up. He turned up and we had a massive hug in the hallway with me crying! Poor guy. He was so sweet tho. He’s been lovely all w/e and the sex is still the most amazing ever . I defo don't need HRT for that, lol.

@Notcoolmum . At least getting your heart a bit battered at our age we know we can deal with it. We've all been through worse. Still not pleasant waiting to get over it though.

Assuming you are actually over 40....

Thanks peanut and I'm well past 40. Survived an abusive marriage and a cheating partner. Feeling sad I don't get to be loved like other people. But I know I'm strong enough to keep going on my own.

@TooOldForThis67 no I'm not good at seeing someone every day! Not sure how it's happened. I'm not really working til September now and he's currently setting up a business so we both have free time during the day, but I've got stuff to do..,It's only for a couple of hours somedays and this morning was just for breakfast but it's too much! It's half term soon so I won't see him at all for a week. I have a strong suspicion we're grinding to a halt but he has been talking about doing stuff later in the summer. I'm a bit too helpful I sometimes think.

Oh and @TooOldForThis67 re HRT you might be having problems with the progesterone part of it. I can't tolerate it at all sonomly havevit one week in about 5 but that's a bad week. Have a look on the menopause board in here. It's so useful.

God I love MN. There's aboard for every stage of life.

Hello, I'm jumping in without RTFT. :)

I'm not long out of a ltr, and don't want anything serious, just someone nice to talk to (I was unhappy for a while before it ended).

Went on Bumble and found a bearded policeman. He seems quite nice and normal, and we are meeting for coffee on Wednesday during the day.

Slightly freaking out, tbh!!!

Any tips for coffee dates? I feel like a clueless teenager. Haven't been on a first date in AGES.

Welcome @bumblebrambles my tips for coffee dates tend to be wear something you feel comfortable in and just be you and most importantly. Just enjoy it

So me and MrSAS are no more. We had a chat on the phone and he is messaging other women still. He thought I knew how he felt about monogamy because we’d had a brief conversation a couple of weeks ago but I didn’t realise he was saying he wasn’t monogamous.

He suggested I think about it but I told him there is nothing to think about as neither of us is willing to compromise on how we feel. He said he’d like to stay friends but I said I like him too much to be happy with friends.

So that’s that.

Oh @Sunshineandflipflops I'm so sorry to hear that. What is wrong with these men, if he's messaging I would also assume meeting up or at least planning to. It'll hurt but it's for the best.

So I've gone back on OLD, decided enough feeling sorry for myself today. Mr right ain't going to come and knock on my door.

I do always feel bad on POF when someone sends a message I check their profile and then think nah I'll pass. But I think they must know I've looked and then not replied = not interested.

I'm too soft sometimes.

Oh my fucking god @Sunshineandflipflops...you were the ones I was hoping to be like. Bloody men, they don't know a good thing when they see it. Was keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it was some miscommunication or something

@lifegoes yes, I guess he must have been meeting other women too. He didn’t lie to me but I would have appreciated him being more open/honest about his take on relationships/dating from the start and I would have never have got involved.

@Sunshineandflipflops oh I'm so sorry. What an idiot. That wasn't the impression he gave you at the start either. Hope you're ok esp as it's quite sudden.. xx

So have been messaging an iron for a good few weeks...we'll call him Mr Marine. He messages me tonight to arrange a meeting and he says are you free Saturday? Am kid free so yeah, I say, what do you have in mind? He says well I have 2 tickets for the Hugh Jackman show in Manchester if you fancy it?

Do I fancy it, hell fucking yes, I fancy it! I was very cool with my reply though...I said 'yeah sounds ok, what time? So not only am I seeing a hot bloke but also have a date with Mr Marine 😁

@Sunshineandflipflops he wasn't honest at all. He should have made sure you knew you weren't exclusive. Its not for everyone- me included. I have a friend who doesn't do exclusive at all but she makes sure all her partners are aware of it. This sucks big time.

Omg! Hugh Jackman onna first date! That is a bloody high bar!

@Peanuthedz I know right? I've just finished AF too, kids are healthy, ex knows it's his weekend. Everything is shaping up for a good one! I'm praying to the gods of first dates that everything stays good

Ah I'm so sorry sunshine. He definitely wasn't honest with you.

I'm really falling into a hole. Wondering why it's never me who gets to be happy. Mr S has confirmed my fears on the phone. Why am I never good enough? Other people get to be loved. But not me. 💔

@Notcoolmum you will find the right one, you just haven't crossed paths yet. Sending hugs and gin/wine and whatever else you want that will make you feel better x

what did he say @Notcoolmum

this was me today. It's not a nice place to be in at all and with my recent events it's been a real knock for me.

But I think with your situation you've had a few doubts all the way through. So he wasn't your one. These are just lessons for us to see what we do and don't want from someone.

I know that lifegoes but he is a genuinely nice man. He's treated me better than I've ever been treated in so many ways.

I'm in my late 40s and no one has ever loved me. Makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

@lifegoes - Stay soft. It’s a fine quality to be empathetic to your online admirers. Us blokes know that a view is nothing more than a glance in our general direction. We can’t know why there’s no follow up, but it could be simple logistics and we don’t take it to heart. That bloke himself has done the same to others and if he’s me he’s felt bad about it too.

At times, like now reading of the demise of @sunshineandflipflops fledgling relationship , because the apps are there in the background, I feel like questioning the whole basis of online dating.

But it’s not that really, it’s goddamn human behaviour. Maybe I’m delusional but I think if more online daters read this thread I feel we’d have a more respectful and kinder dating situation. I’m not much of an online hugger but to all those that have seen things come/coming to an end this weekend, have a virtual hairyarsedhug..

@Notcoolmum you are loveable. He's been lovely with you, he's wanted you. But it's not the right time for him. None of this is you.

@HairyArsedMan that's nice to hear as I do always feel bad.

I agree with you also on the online dating. It's not actually the dating apps, it's the same with social media - it's people. People are always looking for something else, it could be the thrill/attention/the next date/out of boredom.

I get messages on social media from married men, hitting on me I find it so awful and disrespectful as they make it clear on their profiles they are married. Yet think nothing of it. I know guys who pick up women through Instagram and I'm sure some women will do the same. It's so easy to do and it makes dating so much more a minefield these days.

@Sunshineandflipflops it probably suited him to be vague about his relationship goals.

He will respect you more now than he ever did during the last 2 months. His thought process will go something like this. If she is willing to allow me to have sex with other woman she cannot be high value. Therefore I dont really want her. By telling him what you will accept he will now consider that you are higher value with high standards and may want you more. He may actually come back to you and tell you he has changed his mind. Whether you now want him is another matter.

It is important that you lay the law down to men as to what behaviour you will accept early doors and not accept any shit from them. They will then consider that you must be high value and you are worth the effort, want you more and treat you better.

@vwman She was never willing to share the guy, even the casual reader will have got that. Not sure this theory (of yours?) is in anyway helpful.

It’s crazy to think that just yesterday we were in bed together, went for a lovely walk and now that’s it.

We were going to a gig together in a couple of weeks and he asked me last night if I’d still like to go with him. It was an overnight stay and he said we could get single beds if I wanted.
I slept on it but have just told him I won’t be going and that he is obviously a popular guy and I’m sure he can find someone else to take. Probably a bit catty but it’s how I feel. He doesn’t get to keep parts of me and not want the rest.